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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51q5su wrote

WELCOME! I cannot wait to answer your questions, thank you for being here

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Muted-War-3371 t1_j51pi7j wrote

Mel you have truly given me the tools to change my life so first and foremost thank you for all your wisdom and hardwork. As I'm entering my journey of aggressive change doing the things I dont want to do but know that I should be doing I'm reminded of something that's affected me my whole life. My whole life my purpose has truly alluded me. I've been in the military for 10 years now and it's a great job and I like the financial security of a pension that I am working towards, but how can someone discover their true natural passions and more importantly their purpose in life ? I've honestly squandered so much of my free time with video games and i want to hone my focus in trying to understand my place in this world and im just wondering what you think I should do or anyone else in a similar situation. Thank you again for all you have done for me and millions others.

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51t88k wrote

First - thank you for your service and congratulations on creating financial security for yourself.

Now, for your question:

Stop playing fucking video games. You're meant to do more with your life. And if you love them so much - figure out how to create a business around it.

And while you're at it - get outside, spend more time taking walks, hiking, and less time online. There is no way in hell you are going to figure out what your intuition is trying to say to you if there is so much noise around you. I can tell that you have a bigger calling. As I read this paragraph it's very clear that it's haunting you. So stop squandering your time. It's killing your dreams. Get fucking serious about figuring it out.

I did an episode on this - and I hope that it will provide a spark and ignite some clarity for you

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000585717691

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AndyCB1998 t1_j52g6co wrote

Hi Mel,

Why are video games so bad in your eyes? Are other hobbies like soccer or board games more valid and why?

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Kiki3838 t1_j51pnxd wrote

How can you be grateful when you have everything you could want but still feel sad and anxious?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51qkhv wrote

I like to think about gratitude as an attitude or mindset that you have about life. That's different than the emotions you may feel or the stress that is causing you to feel anxious. I often say that you can be 2 things at once and you can certainly feel grateful that you have a roof over your head and many blessings and still hate the anxiety and sadness that you feel in your body and emotions. So #1, stop making yourself feel wrong b/c you have a lot in life but you still struggle emotionally, #2 get serious about healing your nervous system and your anxiety and I'd highly recommend you listen to this episode of the podcast -
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000582487785

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Kiki3838 t1_j51tabt wrote

Thank you so very much. I will listen to the podcast.

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Illustrious-Kick-871 t1_j51o7u1 wrote

Hi Mel thanks for doing this – I love listening to your podcast. What inspired you to start it? What about doing it has surprised you?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51yc5t wrote

I'm so glad you're loving The Mel Robbins Podcast.

I was inspired to start it for a number of reasons:

  1. I wanted to find a way to connect with you more deeply on a personal level and share what's going on in my life and work in real time
  2. I wanted to dig deeper into topics and have more meaningful, tactical tools for you, because there's only so much you can do on a topic in a 60 second TikTok or reel.
  3. I wanted to build a community of people who were positive and inspired to do the work to create a better life for themselves. And I knew that I could start to find a like-minded global tribe of awesome people by launching this podcast. So thank you for being a part of that force for good.
  4. I wanted to be able to give you the tools and inspiration that you need at zero cost and I wanted it to be available everywhere. You can listen on every podcast platform, and you can watch unabridged versions of every episode on YouTube. Because of our advertisers - we can bring all of this to you for zero cost twice a week.
  5. I also wanted to feel like I was learning alot again. When you write books or produce audiobooks or give speeches for a living, you do a lot of talking. One of the things I love most about this podcast - is how much listening and learning I'm doing. Like this one on narcissism - wow did I learn a lot from Dr. Ramani Durvasula: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000583254647

What has surprised me about doing this podcast?

I did not expect to come out of the gates and top the charts the way that we have.

I know how hard it is to create a really great podcast, and it has been a lot of work.

And I also know how many other podcasts are out there (there are 5m of them on Spotify alone).

I thought it would take at least a year before we even broke into the top 100 - and right now we are #9 overall of all podcasts on Apple - and have consistently been the #1 education podcast in the world on every podcast platform since we have launched in October.

And you know what this tells me?

It tells me that we are doing something that was missing. And that only makes me more motivated and hardworking to continue to deliver something that is valuable, entertaining, and most importantly - impactful in your life.

So from the bottom of my heard - thank you.

I don't consider this my podcast, I consider it ours.

We scour the DMs, read your topic submissions, we will take your Reddit questions and probably create episodes based on this.

I often say - this isn't just a listening podcast, it's a doing podcast, and you're helping us do something that makes a big impact around the world - so thank you

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DbowYog t1_j51ohje wrote

Mel, thanks for all your videos. they really help. But i have a really bad habit of procrastinating and I can't seem to beat it. I want my days to be more productive. What should i do?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51r4q4 wrote

Procrastination is a way of coping with stress. you avoid things that require brain power b/c you're on edge about other shit going on in your life. There's only 1 way based on research to deal with moments of procrastination, here it is:

#1 - use The 5 Second Rule when you find yourself procrastinating and count backwards 5-4-3-2-1 to summon your prefrontal cortex and interrupt this habit that you now have of putting things off

#2 - after counting 5-4-3-2-1 just start the task and work on it for 1 minute. Research shows that 80% of the time you'll keep going, the issue is getting started

and one other note - do you give a shit about the thing you need to get done?

maybe this is an issue of priorities and not procrastination. You'll probably find the research related to the "will" and "the way" needing to be present in order to become more productive as a habit. I explain this in detail in this episode -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000592550554

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chicamasala t1_j51t1pb wrote

Hi Mel thanks for all that you do!

After the death of my mom ( whom I had an extremely close bond with) ,the person I was before has also died. I'm working through my grief and working to evolve into the person I want to be now. I want to be the person that isn't afraid to take risks to get where they want to be but I don't think I've ever been able to truly be like that. Any tips for working this crap out of my brain so I can stop being so afraid ?

Much love !

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51troq wrote

Yes I do have tips.
#1 - if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your mom. I know she would want you to be the person who isn't afraid to take risks, so in any moment you feel you doubt yourself, ask, what would my mom want to me to do?

This not only leverages the power of objectivity - it also creates meaning from your mother's death because you're using her memory to create a better life for yourself.

#2 - it's important to believe in your ability to change your life at any age. However I find that so many of us don't actually believe until we experience ourselves doing something. For you - that means taking that risk that you're avoiding, because it's only in the action that you truly shift how you see yourself

#3 - Ironically today's episode is all about giving yourself a mindset reset using simple neuroscience - I feel like we must have published it today for you
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000595362596

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chicamasala t1_j51x1em wrote

I was listening to it today!. It really resonated. Thanks so much for the advice !! X

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j521i8o wrote

Thank you for being here for my first ever AMA - and thank you again - I know I've said it a couple times, for your support of The Mel Robbins Podcast.

I am truly humbled by all the feedback and positive support.

And if you have any other question - you can always find me online - @ melrobbins - and I'd love to see your questions and suggestions for upcoming topics of The Mel Robbins Podcast!

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WindowNo8167 t1_j51zel4 wrote

Will you ever offer personalized inscriptions on purchased books? Also I love everything you release on all platforms and your books they resonate right deep in my soul and I am so grateful I found you!

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51zouu wrote

I'm really grateful that you're here - and that you loved my books The High 5 Habit and The 5 Second Rule.

If we can figure out how to do it simply - sure, I'd love to do that.

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Careless-Afternoon74 t1_j521olp wrote

Mel!

Your episode on How to Have More Fun was literally life changing this holiday season.

My husband and I really struggled this year. To say the least, we did not have a lot of fun. We even had a separation. And then we decided to stick together. And then a month later came the holidays.

I could feel the judgement and ickyness creeping into my brain as we were planning to celebrate the holidays as a family all together for about 10 straight days which was forecasted to combine my family, his family and his son's mother's family. Do you know how much that could've sucked? Yeah, you do, and you had a podcast about driving a dang Fun Bus into the family headquarters and being judged for being hilarious instead of a hot mess. So...we did it.

We wore matching sparkly holiday blazers to fancy restaurants, we played two really fun, holiday games and we made our 80 year old parents bring White Elephant gifts to exchange-which they had never done before. We laughed, we were ridiculous, we sparkled, we had complete strangers comment on our blazers and we had FUN. I knew I'd be judged-like you said-so I decided to be judged for creating a lot of fun and started the movement. My husband and I showed up united. We wore our blazers, carried a huge board into my cousin's house during a blizzard with hot glued Solo Cups filled with gifts, made Jello Shots, wrapped gifts in funny wrapping paper and were all set to be judged...for bringing the fun. It was our season. It created smiles, joy and warm family memories.

So...thank you. And beep beep, I'll be driving that Fun Bus forever now!

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abhinavred123 t1_j51l6cf wrote

Hi Mel! Thanks for doing the AmA. Why is external motivation seen as a bad thing? I know it's temporary, but can I not motivate myself again and again, if and when required? It's not like there's a dearth of motivational content.

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51wrjf wrote

External motivation is a wonderful thing... when it's there.

My point about motivation being garbage is that most of us make the mistake of relying on intrinsic motivation to suddenly swell up and inspire us to run 5 miles, have the hard conversation, or take any action that we don't feel like taking.

If motivational content truly pushes you to take action - that's great.

That means you're using it as a tool to push yourself to do the shit you don't want to do.

But be wary of using it for entertainment only, or a little burst of feeling good.

And the reason why I say that is because you can trick yourself into thinking that you're getting stuff done, by just watching other people do the things you wish you were doing.

At some point - you need to go from passively feeling "motivated" to taking action, because action is the only thing that will change your life for real.

Thinking about doing something or feeling "motivated" isn't the same thing as actually doing the damn thing.

Motivation is garbage because it's almost never there when you need it, and most of us can't watch a YouTube video and muster up the inspiration to get outside in the freezing rain and get the training run done.

You need to know how to push yourself in those moments.

I unpack this in detail in this episode -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000582102667

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Gonergonegone t1_j51oahg wrote

How were you able to work down that debt? I currently owe the IRS roughly $300k and it seems like I'll never be able to get it down. Also, since your husbands name is Christopher, I've gotta ask. How are pooh, tigger, and eyore doing? My gf would like to know which of your books she should read to help with her anxiety. Thank you! And thanks for the AMA!

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51rr4l wrote

To deal with anxiety - read The 5 Second Rule book and share this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast with your girlfriend -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000582487785

​

For debt - it's a long game. You have to chip away at it. You also have to look at both your expenses and cutting back, as much as you look at how you're going to make more money. You will get it down if you're consistently chipping away at paying it off

and here's another thing - if you can rack up that much debt to the IRS you know exactly how to make enough money to pay it off - so stop licking your fucking wounds and get to work :)

and for those of you who don't know - between 2008 and 2014 we were 800k in debt and took us another 3 years to even get the liens off the house, you can do it, it just won't happen over night

​

and that's a great joke about Pooh and Tigger... I'm assuming you're talking about our 3 kids, and they are all fine today, tomorrow who knows!

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Gonergonegone t1_j51rz01 wrote

Me and my gf both appreciate your reply! Have a great day!

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shaft6969 t1_j51wcvz wrote

Highly recommend finding a tax expert to negotiate with the IRS. Enrolled agent is what you want. They're certified to work with the irs, and many used to work for them. Offer in compromise I believe is the process.

It can be done on your own but those guys know the system better.

Despite the common thought, the IRS can be reasonable.

If you're still a high earner, they'll want whatever they can get. But usually over a limited period, 5 years. They can waive the rest.

They're not cheap, but many years ago $5k of help got over $50k wiped clean (actually $50, not zero). Made this grown man weep years of joy when I got that letter.

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MarikoLia t1_j51ogkt wrote

Mel, I’ve been to therapy and read many books ( yours included) and watched many videos on personal development, I still seem to be hung over my childhood traumas. Now, in my mid 30s, I feel very content with my life, the decisions I’ve made and where I am today, but looking at my husband’s family and hearing about their nice childhood memories, I can’t help but to compare and think back of my own less happy ones. My relationship with my mum is stable and on good terms now, but in the back of my head I feel like she will turn on me any moment now. Any advice to let go of all the childhood trauma? Thanks!

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51vsqo wrote

Yes, I do have advice on this. It sounds like you've done the talk therapy aspect of identifying and processing trauma.

But to truly heal it - you have to repair your nervous system.

In the next couple of weeks - we are releasing multiple episodes of The Mel Robbins Podcast about this topic specifically - diving into both the topic of trauma and how you can repair your nervous system and heal yourself.

Regarding your mom - she could turn at any moment.

You can't control that.... you tried to as a kid and look where that ended up. It resulted in trauma in your nervous system. The fact that you're nervous and can't let go is a sign that it's still in there.

You can't "let go" of trauma, you have to repair the parts of your nervous system that are dysregulated right now due to it.

When you do the work to repair - it won't matter what your mother does, because you'll no longer be trigged by it

Make sure to subscribe to The Mel Robbins Podcast so the new episodes on this topic will be downloaded in your queue when they release in the next week or so.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002

We also release new videos daily on our YouTube channel and discuss this quite a bit - https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins

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[deleted] t1_j51ptgs wrote

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51sp1m wrote

Reply - what does "make room for my future" mean? More details please

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[deleted] t1_j51xqai wrote

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51zx24 wrote

This is a guess, but I think you need to prune before you grow. All that stuff that takes up your energy - whatever you can get off your plate, it needs to go.

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alwaysreading30 t1_j51q5pe wrote

The 5 Second Rule really helped me out when I first read it, and it still does to this day. What book has made the biggest impact in your life?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51smam wrote

Thank you so much - it's hard to explain how grateful I am to hear that something I created to help me get out of bed when the anxiety was so bad is helping you too...

The book that's made the biggest impact on me - it's a tie between The Book of Awakening and The Alchemist. But I do have to say - I am loving David Goggins' new book too and it makes me want to kick my own ass even harder

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theftnssgrmpcrtst t1_j51qco6 wrote

Hi Mel! I’m in my mid 20s and recently landed my dream job, marking a significant milestone in my career. However I am interested in having a family in the coming years as my SO and I are getting serious and discussing future plans.

As much as I love the thought of being a mom, I am scared of losing what I’ve worked so hard for professionally and falling behind in that regard.

How do I prepare myself for kids in the next 5ish years? What can I do now both personally and professionally to be ready for the possible hit to my career? How do working moms balance it all?? My own mom was a SAHM so never saw that balance in action. Thanks in advance, Mel.

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51sece wrote

As a mother of 3 - who has been married for 26 years and built a massive business that required a lot of traveling - I can tell you that balance is not possible. It's all about priorities.

And I will also tell you that even stay at home moms don't have balance. Because I hear from them every day talking about how they put everyone in their life first and never have time for themselves.

At any age you can decide what you want and what kind of person you want to be. It's all about priorities and intention. Do not let fears keep you from pursuing your dream of having a family. Especially in today's world with remote and hybrid work companies are more flexible than ever. And you're not going to do it on your own, you have a partner who will be by your side.

So relax, when you're ready pull the goalie, and trust that the timing will be right.

And for insight into what kids think about a working parent - you'll love this episode of the podcast -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000590944044

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Pulchra1979 t1_j51qy8n wrote

Dear Mel. I am a long-time fan. I grew up in Newton, MA. I am dying to know. What do you think of that Boston Magazine article of you 15 years later?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51zhci wrote

Here's what I think about that article - the truth is very boring. And parts of that article are complete fabrications that make me look like a self-centered asshole.

If you follow me online you know that's not the kind of person I am.

When the article came out and I read the complete lies that the reporter fabricated - it was devastating.

But 15 years later, I honestly don't give a shit, and I understand that nice doesn't sell magazines.

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rockenroben t1_j521caf wrote

I loooove this response more than you know! Yeah! You’re the best! ! !

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Pulchra1979 t1_j526s26 wrote

That is great to hear. A good lesson for all of us to second guess everything that we read even from reputable publications. I am loving the new podcast and look to you as a model of someone who left the practice of law and truly found their calling. Thanks for the wisdom.

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ZoeZobo t1_j51r9vf wrote

Hi Mel! Oh man I have so many questions… I am in the middle of reading your High 5 Habit book and identify with a lot of what you talk about. I feel like my “problems” are stacked, like they are all connected and effect each other, and even if I address the very bottom issue in the stack it won’t necessarily effect the other issues. I will give you an example, I am a people pleaser! I have a sh*t ton of learning disabilities and went to a bunch of different private schools growing up. My teachers were always sending me the message that I wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t do it. They actually would sometimes tell me I couldn’t do things. I was pulled out of school for teachers treating me badly as well. As a result I always tried to befriend adults because I knew at some point they wouldn’t like me, maybe showing them in the beginning how cool I could be, how nice I was would effect how much they hated me later on. I learned people would never really like me for who I was, and that was stacked on my learning disabilities, people seeing me as less because I didn’t understand things the way they did. The learning disabilities are never going to go away, so how can I detach the two issues that I view as connected? Hopefully this makes sense. I love you and everything you do for yourself and for us, thank you!

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51upg6 wrote

Everything is connected. And it has nothing to do with your learning disabilities. You need to learn to love yourself as you are, despite it all.

If you can do that - and I'm not saying it's the easiest thing to do - it takes time, it's a muscle you need to build, but it changes everything. So much of your question is about things outside of you. What other people think, what other people say, how other people see you.

The answers to this question are about you and your relationship to yourself. you get that right and the outside world really doesn't matter.

You need to listen to this and follow the advice- https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000591862344

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ZoeZobo t1_j51zi6z wrote

Here’s another one. I am a huge people pleaser and often when someone does something that really bothers me, in the moment I tell them it’s no big deal and not to worry, but after I end up frustrated with myself because I wasn’t as honest as I should have been. In the moment I truly feel like I’m saying the right thing though, it’s not until after that I get frustrated with myself for not expressing what I felt, but in a a reasonable way. How do you teach yourself to do that in the moment and feel comfortable enough to speak freely when it could be off putting to others?

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PeanutSalsa t1_j51tdis wrote

What was your process like for self-publishing and reaching the success you did, and what general advice would you give on this area?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j520mwi wrote

I tell all authors the same thing - own your work.

If you believe in what you're doing - own your work.

A lot of people go after publishing deals because they need the advice in order to pay their bills while they finish a book.

And they also go after those deals to satisfy their ego.

The math working with a traditional publisher is horrendous.

So I like self-publishing, or hybrid publishing (like what the company Amplify does - where you pay them to help you get this published but you own everything).

I'm also a control freak when it comes to look, feel, and editing, so the process of doing it was really satisfying, and nothing feels better than placing a bet on yourself.

And don't underestimate the power of audio.

I am one of the most successful self published authors in the world, because of the success of my self published audiobook The 5 Second Rule.

In 2017, it was the #1 listened to audiobook of the entire year.

And it continues to be the most successful self published audiobook.

So as we move into the future - consider that you don't even need to print a book to be an author :)

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Fancy-Blackberry-995 t1_j51tlx4 wrote

Hey Mel! Love that you are doing an AMA. I feel like I can’t come back from my failures. I feel so discouraged and I don’t know how to stop feeling so sh*tty about it. how can I get myself in a better mindset? How can I overcome my guilt of not succeeding? I’m having a hard time getting back on the saddle.

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51u8g0 wrote

Bullshit. Of course you can come back from your failures. History is painted w/ people just like you and me who have come back from their failures. The only way to stop feeling so shitty about yourself is to stop looking in the rearview mirror and start looking at the road ahead.

You do have a choice when it comes to the thoughts that you indulge. Stop listening to this bullshit and start telling yourself - you haven't succeeded YET.

DM me on Instagram when you got back on the saddle because I'm not going to listen to your bullshit excuses and neither should you

and if you need an additional kick in the ass (and a loving reminder) that you have the power within you to change your life - and that all of those "failures" were there to teach you something you needed to learn - I highly recommend you listen to this on repeat

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000591862344

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[deleted] t1_j51tnc7 wrote

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AvocadoSeriously t1_j51umjz wrote

I am so thankful you are doing the podcast now.

I was in your studio audience in NYC twice in 2019. You were so wonderful and genuine talking to my group.

You really got me to a good place in my life from all the material you have put out! I still have a long ways to go in personal growth but you have been such a key inspiration.

Do you ever plan to have guests on your podcast that would like feedback on their life?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51v0qt wrote

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being such a supportive fan and for making the trip to the studio audience.

Not only do we plan to coach listeners on the podcast - we've already started

You can listen to our first coaching episode here -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000593089684

If this is something that you want to nominate yourself for - ask a question here -

https://www.melrobbins.com/ask-a-question

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woundedviking t1_j51vcs9 wrote

Living with my parents at 34. Looking for a part time job but can't seem to find anything that interests me. Should I look for a job abroad? I'm willing to move. Do I play it safe and stay put? Or do I go all in on an adventure?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51z1hu wrote

Go all in on adventure. You are young and you have nothing tying you down. And that adventure will likely reveal things much more important than your next job.

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ConstantAge4636 t1_j520gd9 wrote

I am 55 years old and I keep trying to change my inner dialogue but I have been on auto-pilot for so long and I am afraid that 5 years from now I will be in the same place. I thought I would be content with being small and average but there is a part of me that does want to do that anymore. My kids don't need me and my husband and I are living as roommates at some point I will have to make a huge decision to rectify this. How can I begin again when I don't even know who I am or what I want out of life?

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Able_Exercise_3977 t1_j5214ko wrote

how do you make $100K per hour ? I listen to you everyday when I walk! You're awesome and my goddess

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j522k4g wrote

Thank you for listening and you are a goddess too.

Are you asking me personally how I generate 100k an hour?

I think you're referring to a viral video where somebody asked me what my keynote speaking fee was for one hour.

At the time - it was 100k.

I got to that level after many years speaking about The 5 Second Rule and the science of change to the world's top brands - ie. Starbucks, Microsoft, JP Morgan.

I became the most booked female speaker in the world on the corporate circuit.

But as my business has expanded and my platform has grown and priorities have changed - I have stopped doing a lot of speeches and my price for a keynote has risen significantly.

So technically, I make even more, and as a woman I love saying that.

And here's a really important takeaway in business and in life - when you say no, because you're clear about your priorities, people and companies want you even more.

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ZoeZobo t1_j521nrp wrote

I am a caretaker for a girl with special needs. She can’t walk on her own, has a trach (breathing tube), is non verbal, has a feeding tube, and is sometimes drools. I take her to therapies and our dayhab program and we just hangout and have fun together everyday. I think she is amazing! However, when I tell people what I do for a living, people don’t know how to digest it, they don’t really express any interest, or they make her out to be some vegetable with no thoughts. I often get called a babysitter! I am in no way a babysitter! I know how important I am in her life and for her family. But when people act disinterested or belittle what I do, or the girl I work for it is infuriating! I take it way more personally than I should. How do I separate their inability to see the beauty in someone different, or their discomfort, from my own emotions and self worth?

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anne_liz t1_j5232sn wrote

Hi Ms. Mel! Thank you for everything you do! You are such a blessing! How do you deal with ADHD? I just got diagnosed today and I feel broken.

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j523jc5 wrote

Don't feel broken.

Embrace your amazing brain.

Your ADHD is a superpower, even if it drives you crazy.

And remember, it's not that you can't focus - it's that you have trouble directing your focus when you feel overwhelmed or not that interested.

I plan on a doing a ton of episodes about this - it's a huge issue for women that I have personally experienced myself.

But now that you know - you can create systems to support you better.

Please don't feel broken, a whole new world is just beginning for you.

And you asked about how I "deal" with ADHD - the first step of ADHD is acceptance, the second stop is research, and the third is applying what you've learned to your own life.

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anne_liz t1_j52af4c wrote

Ohmygosh! Thank you so so much! I was so surprised you were able to reply to me still! It made me cry out of joy. Thank you! Thank you so much!

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Pokegirl1992 t1_j5279gx wrote

Hi Mel😊 Big fan here! I changed my anti depressants after 10 years of being on them just a few months ago because they’d lost effectiveness, but I’ve had an absolutely awful time switching over to my new ones unfortunately. I’m only on 20mg of Prozac currently, but I’m speaking to my doctor tomorrow to up to 30mg after going back & forth about if I should or not for the last month. I’m still incredibly anxious, suffer from depersonalisation & have intrusive thoughts. I started back at work just before Christmas which took all my strength to do so, but I’m still having mini panic attacks when I go into the office. Long story short, my question is - How can I gain back my confidence in myself after being knocked down so badly & when I’m still not in a mentally stable place? I force myself out of bed every morning, I listen to your podcasts, I do the 5 second rule but I’m still suffering with bad bouts of anxiety/depersonalisation & intrusive thoughts. I just want to get out of this rut & gain my confidence back so I can be happy again. Any advice? Thanks for everything you do❤️

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GabeeYourself t1_j528d4a wrote

Hi Mel! A follower from France here. I love your work and energy! Thank you for being you and all the great messages you send 😊

How do you differentiate a love that is healthy and that you will build upon, from a love that's not meant for you? How to differentiate someone we idealize from someone that we wholy and truly love? I love my boyfriend very much, but I sometimes wonder if I'm biased (well probably, but I'm not sure we can be unbiased when talking about feelings and emotions haha). So what's the most important thing to build a healthy relationship? (I hope my questions are clear, as English is not my native language)

All the best to you!

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JustDoitGogogo t1_j52h7o8 wrote

Hi Mel! I'm moving out soon and I am wondering how to cope with the fact that I'm not going to see my Mom for a long time. How do you manage to live alone?

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DontTouchTheAxeBlade t1_j51wtna wrote

Why should we listen to the advice of someone who took 30 years to work out how to deal with anxiety rather than someone who has always been good at dealing with it?

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Mel-Robbins OP t1_j51yx7u wrote

You shouldn't.

You will likely follow the advice of somebody that you feel most connected to.

And I can tell, based on the tone of your question, that you don't feel hopeful when you hear my experience, you feel judgemental.

I personally think the best qualified person to help you and somebody who used to be you.

I struggled for 30 years because I didn't know any better.

The shit I discovered - and I share with people around the world - I learned the hard way, so you don't have to.

I'm 54. Thirty years ago - you wouldn't be caught dead walking into a self help section of a book store. If you saw a therapist you were a freak. Prozac had only just been invented. There was no social media. And there was a massive stigma around mental health.

And if you've "always been good at dealing with it" - you probably don't struggle with anxiety. That's not the kind of person that I would personally turn to for help.

But now that I know what I know - I manage situational anxiety like a pro.

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