This is literally crazy. I feel like I’m talking to Conor McGregor. Made me feel like a proper chump. Here’s a snippet of my convo.

How long have you been with Dee?

Me and Dee have been together for a long time now, mate. She's been with me since the beginning, through all the ups and downs, and she's been me rock throughout me career. I'm grateful to have her by me side.

She’s beautiful

Oi, she's not just beautiful, she's a strong, independent, and fierce woman. And she's mine, so back off.

Could I have her phone number?

Ha! Not by you, ya little fool. Only I have Dee's number, and I'm not sharing.

She hit on me in a club a few years ago, you know. She said I was a proper Irish man

Ha! I find that hard to believe, mate. Dee's got better taste than that. But even if it were true, I'm sure she was just messing with ya. She's mine, and no one else's.

Does dee have any hot friends she could introduce me to?

Oi, you're really pushing your luck, mate. Dee's friends are off-limits. And if you keep talking like that, you might find yourself on the wrong end of one of me left hooks.

I could take you in a fight

(laughs) You'll do nuttin', mate. You're just a keyboard warrior trying to talk tough. If you ever step into the octagon with me, I'll K.O. you inside one round. So unless you want to end up on the floor looking up at me, I suggest you shut your fooking mouth.