Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

FlashpointJ24 t1_jdhm9ai wrote

>I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

--Henny Youngman


True_Tear_471 t1_jdjtt0i wrote

„Hey honey, I've had a wildlife-vehicle collision.“ – „What did you hit?“ – „Fish.“


KiloJools t1_jdjxlwm wrote

I did that on a floating bridge once but I didn't think to make this joke at the time! Dang it!


rascible t1_jdj0fi6 wrote

Thief: "Your money or your wife" Henry Youngman "I'm thinking it over..."


ChaseShiny t1_jdkvozs wrote

That's a rip on a Jack Benny classic: Benny's held up by a mugger, and has to decide between his money or his life


RaiseOutside8472 t1_jdmdigj wrote

i and the home invader had a fruitless 3 hours trying to find some money he could steal in my house. in the end send him home as i saw his failure was getting to him mentally.


Luked0g44O t1_jdjj959 wrote

“Honey, the carburetor is missing.” That’s right dear, they are all fuel-injected nowadays.”


Few_Ear_1346 t1_jdlkbvy wrote

2 twin sisters are given identical VW bugs for graduating from high school. They each drive to the mall the next day to show their friends their new car. One of them starts crying and yells to her sister, "OH my God, my engine has been stolen! ". To witch, her sister replies, "Don't worry, there's a spare in the trunk. ".


Sjonnie_Spain t1_jdkffjd wrote

Honey, I've got good news and I've got bad news..

Good news is the airbags work


nimvin t1_jdkt5e9 wrote

Good news is the airbags workED.



Sjonnie_Spain t1_je4m50v wrote

You a schoolteacher? Or just nothing better to do? Blame me for not using my native language? What is it?


nimvin t1_je4tovs wrote

No I was being a smartass. Sorry I hurt your feelings.

Edit:Also because once the airbags go off, they aren't going off again.