Submitted by Remarkable-Youth-504 t3_123yqtf in Jokes

A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

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Rough_love_ t1_jdwyfqc wrote

How do you measure how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

22

cloudyTurin963 t1_jdx0iwg wrote

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, but the smell was wonderful..

He asked the waiter, ‟What is that you just served?” The waiter replied, ‟Ah Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicles from the bullfight this morning. A delicacy!”

The cowboy, undaunted, said, ‟What the heck, I am on vacation, I’ll have some!” The waiter replied, ‟I am so sorry Senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bullfight each morning. If you place your order now, we’ll be sure to save you this delicacy for tomorrow”

The cowboy placed the order and the next evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, ‟These are delicious, but they are much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday”

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, ‟Si, Senor ... sometimes the bull wins.”

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The_RockObama t1_jdxtqbf wrote

A man is lost in a desert when he finally spots a sign of civilization - a Mexican man sitting by a small shed with his trusty mule, and better yet, there's the road the man had been looking for.

He knows the last bus back to Tijuana comes down that road around 10pm.

Fearing he may have missed the bus, he asks the man with the mule:

"Excuse me señor, do you know what time it is?"

The Mexican man grabs the mule's balls and lifts them up a few inches and says:

"..eeeeh.. it's 9:51."

The lost man replies:

"Awesome! Thank you señor! I'm just in time to catch the bus! - but how could you tell the time by simply lifting that mule's balls?"

The man lifts the mule's balls up again and points just under them and says:

"You see that clock over there?"

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General-Art-7153 t1_jdxzdd5 wrote

Don't know why I'm getting down voted for a joke that isn't always super obvious, but the matador (person who spurs n the bulls in the arena and makes a big spectacle of it) got killed by the bull and the guy is eating the persons testicles.

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jsting t1_jdy2785 wrote

It works better as a video skit. The guy is lounging and there is a clocktower. The donkey is chilling between the lounging guy and the clocktower and the balls are blocking the view.

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Appropriate_Olive_19 t1_jdy5c5u wrote

That was so gross it was funny, or was it so funny it was gross? Either way I loved it! 😂

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