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70A782FE t1_jebzkrl wrote

This is what I get for sorting by new

11

marycartlizer t1_jecr7r0 wrote

My mom isn't that old, but she did teach Jesus in Sunday school.

4

5thPhantom t1_jecxdli wrote

That’s why the mammoth is extinct. She was confused for two of them.

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stillonrtsideofgrass t1_jed1ivl wrote

Yo momma so fat, when she jumped into the ocean for a swim it caused the 40 days of rain for Noah’s ark to float.

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CelticBlue22 t1_jeclc28 wrote

Your momma is so old she farts dust

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ktka t1_jec5vp8 wrote

Her first cruise was on Noah's Ark. Many thanks to her for saving the gorillas.

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carlcast t1_jecwljj wrote

She so fat she's counted as one ecosystem

2

Cheyde t1_jed7oj6 wrote

Yo mama so old, she honeymooned on Pangaea

2

Due-Ad8230 t1_jedccqx wrote

She went to donate blood and they said, "Sorry ma'am this blood group has been discontinued".

2

SnooCupcakes9855 t1_jeedrk0 wrote

They told your momma, "Sorry ma'am, we ran out of mashed potatoes, so we don't need anymore blood type Gravy!"

1

RolloutTieDispenser t1_ject8ro wrote

She was the inspiration for Archimedes phrase: "Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world"

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regrettablyold t1_jed9w9f wrote

Didn't Archimedes really say, "Yo momma so fat, give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall still not be able to move her fat ass"?

5

jet_heller t1_jed293m wrote

Huh. I was expecting to see something about how whales never were on the Ark.

1

[deleted] t1_jeeitsx wrote

This joke is so old, it's prehistoric. Just like yo momma

1

unlimited_mcgyver t1_jecnp7i wrote

So does that make me Jesus's cousin or some shit?

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