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MoistCity530 t1_jdzz1tj wrote

You're supposed to wear a jacket


AmnesiaInnocent t1_je0fxsi wrote

So tell me: does the light stay on?


Phippsy771 OP t1_je10z5u wrote

You seen the bulls?


General_Hyde t1_je1oy3l wrote

DAAAAAAA bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls (has heart attack, “dies”, gets revived) da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls da bulls


reikutohno t1_je110pb wrote

Sounds like a recipe for disaster.


peter_the_martian t1_je0t5mm wrote

Oh I, I just died in the fridge tonight, it must’ve been something you said.


Metroflektor t1_je0zyk8 wrote

-Must have been something you ate.


Phippsy771 OP t1_je1135m wrote

Must of been something i see saw


Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_je1jsr2 wrote

Did you embarrass the salad? Did you see her dressing...?

Don't eat the chocolate pudding or drink the lemonade!


Waitsfornoone t1_je06hyc wrote

Is pot legal where you live? Just askin'.


viking-sailor t1_je0zrsg wrote

Good thing it didn't ask you to freeze it overnight.


Phippsy771 OP t1_je1cmss wrote

If it said it I wouldn’t of gone in the fridge forget the freezer


Impressive_Cup_6398 t1_je1455n wrote

I don't think you know what literally means.


vyprrgirl t1_je38hss wrote

It’s not his fault—the word got left out of the dictionary, just like the word gullible did


amerkanische_Frosch t1_je1qd54 wrote

Yeah, I had a similar problem.

My wife came into the kitchen and caught me jumping, gyrating and flailing my hands and feet around while all the while holding a bottle of orange juice.

She asked me just what the hell was going on, so I explained to her.

"It says here, 'Shake thoroughly before drinking'".


veerbahadur9083 t1_je1xu2e wrote

You are supposed to take them literally but you should know you are cooking food and not yourself


ShakeForProtein t1_je2rhmd wrote

You had it easy mate, I had to stand in boiling water.


JohnAStark t1_je1q0d6 wrote

This reminds me of one of my favorite stories of my son as a boy scout.

To get his cooking badge he had to plan the meals for a troop weekend outing - breakfasts, lunches and dinners - buy on budget, with healthy foods, organize the preparation of the food, and do much of the cooking himself.

For the final dinner the desert was to be a "dump cake", the instructions said: mix all ingredients in a pan and chill for an hour. Well, he took that to mean "chill out", not put on ice... with inedible, but hilarious results.

We still joke about it to this day...


Mediocre_Metal_7174 t1_je221l4 wrote

Cake instructions said to grease the bottom of my pan. Now my oven is on fire.


Kind_Bullfrog_4073 t1_je3348j wrote

They don't even tell you what game you have to beat the eggs at.


HammerMartell t1_je20vui wrote

Did the headless chicken ask you, “what did you do? I ate a worm”


Luked0g44O t1_je26dkj wrote

Musta ate something before bed.


Ok-Quantity-9811 t1_je49eod wrote

Overheard: "I thought the shells were the egg whites?!"


MagicSteve61 t1_je2ljsi wrote

What do I think about sex on tv??? Hurts like hell.


bjscript t1_je3plqd wrote

When I was a little kid, I made a cake. The directions said to use two eggs.

It said nothing about taking them out of the shells first.

Very crunchy cake.

I also made some fudge with the consistency of concrete. Could suck on a piece for weeks.



melvinsylar7 t1_je4a3x6 wrote

Did you marinate yourself with the spices and herbs? You gotta season well, if not you gonna freeze to death