His favorite movie always had been "Die Hard".
Comments
Lance4494 t1_jdpftsb wrote
Standing in salute to his vigor.
BelloBoss t1_jdpg8cu wrote
The flag was raised
PinchiChango t1_jdq6sta wrote
And thus, a new unit of measurement was established.
SoulReaver009 t1_jdu3t51 wrote
1 hard, 2 hards, 3 hards
DangerHev t1_jdpqic1 wrote
'e's got a woody
JBYTuna t1_jdpu2qd wrote
Na. Woody was in Toy Story.
LunarWolf333 t1_jdqhfmg wrote
A Stiffy with a stiffy!!!!
IrishTerminator t1_jdquiiz wrote
The coffin was an unusual shape too
Inside_Gold_254 t1_jdq4x6a wrote
y’all are so funny
PuzzleheadedDrop9253 t1_jdtfp03 wrote
Lol wtf is this feed I love it
KarmicComic12334 t1_jdnvb5m wrote
His wife took it really hard
Infinite-Macaroon-93 t1_jdpfhh8 wrote
His ex-wife however…
mercerguy t1_jdpkcq5 wrote
was hardly overcome with grief
paramecium-dancer t1_jdr3n8n wrote
She took it pretty hard.
PuzzleheadedDrop9253 t1_jdtft8i wrote
Wassup with the double entendres???
ImpiousVamp t1_jdooeu9 wrote
His wife intentionally caused him to overdose after she found out he had cheated.. her favorite movie was "Die Hard: With a Vengeance".
FunAuntieEm t1_jdop0vf wrote
The morgue couldn’t believe the stiff they brought in.
Infinite-Macaroon-93 t1_jdpfllf wrote
That’s good
zzlayakisonka t1_jdnz1c7 wrote
it was too hard to close the lid of his coffin
Due-Examination5415 t1_jdoiruc wrote
They had to bury him in a tent
thebarberbenj t1_jdpiqcl wrote
They drilled a glory hole for the old fella
v8grunt t1_jdqe2qt wrote
No, they drilled a hole in the lid popped it through then planed it down to make it look like a knot!
thebarberbenj t1_jdrenw0 wrote
Makes for difficult necrophilia
GuairdeanBeatha t1_jdo5whe wrote
They didn’t bury him, they just pointed his toes and drove him into the ground.
elpajaroquemamais t1_jdonitn wrote
I took one but didn’t swallow it fast enough. I’ve got a stiff neck.
Ironyears t1_jdp58pc wrote
Just be glad it wasn’t your tongue
Riverrat423 t1_jdp604u wrote
Too bad he didn’t receive the antidote, mycocksafloppin.
thebarberbenj t1_jdpisla wrote
AKA my Wife
Evening-Tomatillo-47 t1_jdquu5v wrote
Your wife has coxafloppin?
thebarberbenj t1_jdreisy wrote
Well, I WAS going to say, she can make any man limp. But, it ‘is’ 2023…so fair question.
BaldrickB t1_jds6ebn wrote
She just kicks them in the shins?
thebarberbenj t1_jdt8jis wrote
Or raises their rent
Luked0g44O t1_jds050g wrote
You know what Lorena Bobbitt’s name translates into, in Russian?
Ivana Cutacockoff.
Luked0g44O t1_jds0b6n wrote
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?
“Hey, you gonna eat that?”
BaldrickB t1_jds6inp wrote
"Mmmfmmmnggg," she mumbled in response.
ivthreadp110 t1_jdny8w3 wrote
His death was to hard to take
3DreamWarrior t1_jdp44ec wrote
He came and went at the same time
Luked0g44O t1_jds0jph wrote
That’s the name of a new resort island in the Florida Keys: Cayman Wendt.
Jeepinthemud t1_jdokkm0 wrote
As a fine military example this member remained at attention.
RagingSalad t1_jdp0nvq wrote
He was my grandpa. Our whole family felt his loss, but no one took it harder than grandma
Big-Permit-8210 t1_jdp571c wrote
At least the EMT had a handle to carry him out with.
intr0vert123 t1_jdof3qt wrote
peralta what are you doing?
Due-Influence6227 t1_jdohawg wrote
He was quite the stiff.
pewsg t1_jdohdqd wrote
Hardly the worst way to die
Readityesterday2 t1_jdpioqr wrote
His wife erected the Taj Mahal for him via Agra.
sleepy__ninja802 t1_jdpwmb6 wrote
Rigor mortis started before he even passed
satluvscheese t1_jdoio1z wrote
What a sad Christmas for him 😭
No_Cartographer_5212 t1_jdonnjl wrote
That was hard!
travel-nerd-05 t1_jdoqigw wrote
His least favorite movie was The Silence of the limp
Ezrumas t1_jdor3ol wrote
Did they find the body in a convenience store in Leonardo, New Jersey?
PiggyPhaggot t1_jdp7dwd wrote
I love how every comments section of every joke on r/Jokes is always ALWAYS way funnier than the joke from whence they spawned and the highly punny nature of most of them! Thank you all. You are what makes life worth living!
Also too bad the guy didn’t just bust his nut cause every time I OD on erection medications that usually does the trick (sorry not a pun way to literal and just genuinely not funny but hopefully it conveys the seriousness of how deeply I love all you hilarious witty punderful weirdos)
paintsbynumberz t1_jdpbbgy wrote
When I gave him viagra he just got taller
Internal_Fennel_849 t1_jdq9x3v wrote
I just get wider.
Tombiepoo t1_jdpn0mv wrote
They had to dig a 6 foot 6" hole for him.
Gok02 t1_jdpppnv wrote
Will his dick stay hard even after he died? Genuine question
CryptographerMedical t1_jdql88g wrote
No, nearly all of time he wouldn't.
When you die every muscle relaxes including muscles in arteries and veins. That means zero blood pressure.
Imagine a central heating system and suddenly all the pipes round the house became three times diameter and the control panel failed and the pump failed. The water wouldn't go round your house and water would flow out of the radiators.
In the body every artery expanding and the heart stopping means no blood pumpimg into the erection and the veins that hold blood inside your erection also widen and the veins flow out.
The exceptions...
Electrical burns to the gonads which burn muscles, arteries and veins so blood is trapped in erection. That blood will eventually clot inside.
Dying on the job wearing a cock ring or similar. Again the blood will coagulate.
Gunshots to the brain that damage cerebellum. Won't stay forever though.
Hamging and some spinal cord injuries. Won't last forever.
ExaminationDouble898 t1_jdqqcs8 wrote
Thank you for the educative content.
CryptographerMedical t1_jdqrhiv wrote
Welcome
ExaminationDouble898 t1_jdqqgm3 wrote
You are observant, fine!
BurtReynolds78 t1_jdq05k7 wrote
My ex wife kept my stash of viagara when we separated. No hard feelings though.
RomanOnARiver t1_jdqc8sf wrote
Hopefully he came before he went.
No_Cartographer_5212 t1_jdonqea wrote
What a hard on!
[deleted] t1_jdp2fo6 wrote
Lol
NashT33 t1_jdp578h wrote
He didn't see it coming
Vishwasm123 t1_jdp5l7t wrote
He must be a 40 year old virgin.
SeaContribution7153 t1_jdp8cwa wrote
He pricked it!
Just-Bat-9950 t1_jdpfta9 wrote
The doctor said he came peacefully and the coroner's file noted extreme vigor mortis.
The funeral was one hell of a ride, but it did go on at length.
thebarberbenj t1_jdpinre wrote
He was really hard up
thebarberbenj t1_jdpix69 wrote
His favorite movie was “The Harder They Come”
steady1978 t1_jdplgec wrote
Reverse necromancer
EnvironmentalDeal256 t1_jdpnvlo wrote
His wife said it was hard watching him go.
tysuvaz t1_jdppcsw wrote
Couldn't close the coffin due to the rod in between 🤣🤣🤣
Mysterious-Effort922 t1_jdpq3f4 wrote
So Sad 😔 he musta had a Hard life..
Difficult-Reach-5205 t1_jdprc3k wrote
he had a flaccid life it seems
sleepy__ninja802 t1_jdpwmz0 wrote
Death came quickly for him
Specific_Inside_7119 t1_jdpxq4h wrote
He had to have an open casket.
ToQuoteSocrates t1_jdq10y6 wrote
Life just got too hard for him
KoningSpookie t1_jdq3mbf wrote
His body had a hard time dealing with such large amounds.
NoCommercial582 t1_jdq3px1 wrote
Toughest part was closing the coffin…
Ed-Boyle t1_jdq474i wrote
Oh that’s hard
kajunkris t1_jdq6alg wrote
It's so hard to say goodbye.
Abides1948 t1_jdq7g8g wrote
His favourite character was Hands Ru-bber.
Cosmo1222 t1_jdqaqyd wrote
The funeral director needs help getting the coffin lid nailed down
HistoricalSurvey5343 t1_jdqe1dd wrote
The one who took it hardest was his wife
Jradddyo t1_jdqgpv5 wrote
He keeps going on forever now in our memories
TheAres1999 t1_jdqr40p wrote
He came and went at the same time
SophisticatedSauce t1_jdorsmq wrote
Dick said this guy's too soft...fuck him
[deleted] t1_jdp1fx9 wrote
[removed]
Hot-Raccoon-4114 t1_jdqs97h wrote
It took them a year to close the casket.
almqueen t1_jdqt581 wrote
Mine is Die Hard 2
Antique_Direction255 t1_jdqtf8t wrote
Escaped jail a hardened criminal
I-Was_Never-Here t1_jdqvalq wrote
It was nearly impossible to roll him off the bed
KoopaTrooper5011 t1_jdqvfae wrote
Ah yes, a classic Christmas film.
365-Reasons-a-year t1_jdqvlnk wrote
That must have been very hard
365-Reasons-a-year t1_jdqvozv wrote
Wonder if his name was “Dick”
carguy1979z28 t1_jdqwx31 wrote
It made things hard on his wife too
No-Persimmon-3310 t1_jdr2xbr wrote
How are they gonna get the coffin closed?
NicholasE86 t1_jdrv9vt wrote
Thats a hard way to die
Luked0g44O t1_jdrzdh0 wrote
I can just imagine the headline, if that drug’s stock price ever collapsed:
VIAGRA FALLS
Rob_Clemenz t1_jdrzeur wrote
His wife was very embarrassed so she told everyone he had a Hard Attack.
Luked0g44O t1_jdrzlmx wrote
If he was a felon, then he died a hardened criminal.
Luked0g44O t1_jds0sga wrote
Doing eternal hard time.
Luked0g44O t1_jds0v8h wrote
In a penal colony.
magicleader t1_jds1s15 wrote
They tried to bury him but couldn't close the casket
Trick_Exit_7674 t1_jds2o0s wrote
I'm taking this hard
susejrotpar t1_jds2xgm wrote
Fun fact, when pre planning a crane lift, it's referred to as an "Erection plan".
davidsanchezavila t1_jds41eh wrote
I was at his funeral at was a hard sight to see.
BaldrickB t1_jds66og wrote
His funeral arrangements were easy, at least. All undertakers deal with stiffs.
I couldn't pick up a paper the next day. It made for too hard a read.
His wife was feeling a bit blue the next day. Makes sense, if you think about it.
She took it hard. Before he died.
She used to call him "stallion." Not for what you're thinking, though. He was her favourite clothes horse. On the night in question it was a particularly big load. Of washing.
NoneyaBiznazz t1_jdsg9z5 wrote
He was dead for four hours before his wife called the physician
RudyMuthaluva t1_jdsve5c wrote
It reminded me of Nakatomi Tower
jmc660c t1_jdt2env wrote
He was cuming and going at the same time
Full_Increase8132 t1_jdti5p8 wrote
They couldn't close the casket at his funeral
jonam_indus t1_jdtkf20 wrote
Some dysfunction in the dose too.
PracticePractical480 t1_jdtp4jj wrote
Didn't know if he was coming or going
die298 t1_jdx80zs wrote
Must of been 'hard' on his family
Ambitious_Ruin_2521 t1_jdo85cf wrote
A statue was erected in his memory.