The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:
“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living?”
The gambler says, “I’m a professional gambler.”
“A gambler?” asks the agent.
“Yes, I make money from bets. Let me demonstrate. I bet you $1,000 that I can bite my eye.”
“You have a bet!” the agent has a smug smile on his face. But it vanishes when the gambler takes out his glass eye and bites it. The agent did not see that coming, but he did agree to $1,000 in front of the gambler’s attorney.
“Fine, that wasn’t fair,” says the gambler. “I’ll give you a chance to win your money back by betting another $1,000 that I can bite my other eye.”
The agent looks through the guy’s paperwork and sees he’s not legally blind, so he takes the bet. To his horror, the gambler takes out his dentures and bites his other eye. Now he’s on the hook for $2,000.
“You know what,” says the gambler, “Double or nothing; I’ll stand on the edge of your desk, close my eyes, piss into the garbage can on the other side of the room without spilling a drop. What do you say?”
Perplexed but desperate, the agent agrees. The gambler stands on the desk, unzips his pants, closes his eyes, then pisses all over the agent’s desk.
“YES!!!” exclaims the agent, glad he won’t owe the gambler anything.
“Ah, shit.” sighs the attorney.
“What’s the matter?” asks the agent.
“Well... He bet me $20,000 that he’d come into your office today, piss all over your desk, and you’d be happy about it.”