It's 2am and the doorbell rings.

Submitted by ShortingBull t3_yi8otq in Jokes

I run down stairs and open the door. There's a bloke there looking a bit desperate and says, "I know it's really late, but can you give me a push". I tell him to piss off and I go back to bed.

Wife asks who it was - I tell her. She says I'm a right cunt for not helping and I should give him a push.

I shoot back down stairs and out the front looking for the car, I can't see him so I yell out "where are you" he replies, "I'm over here on the swing".

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Comments

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KnightofSpamelot t1_iuhwdx7 wrote

If I understand it correctly >!asking for a push would imply your car broke down and needed to be pushed to the side of the road or a nearby station, but this guy was actually wanting to be pushed on a swing!<

149

Sam-Gunn t1_iui17k9 wrote

No, no. Clearly he figured that since the guy was an asshole and wouldn't help him push his car, he'd just sit on the swings waiting until someone came by he could wave down.

66

coole106 t1_iuj6gpd wrote

Thanks. I thought maybe “give me a push” meant “put it in my butt” in the UK

14

BadPunFactory t1_iujo243 wrote

There was a time when you could start a car with a dead battery by literally pushing it while in gear.

12

Frallex1 t1_iujc65g wrote

don't get it, what does the first "can you give me a push" refer to? English isn't really my first language, sorry

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ApprehensiveBoot1705 t1_iujt6za wrote

The original give us a push is to push a car that won’t start so you push it to bump start it

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Sam_Colt t1_iujf7a4 wrote

If a car with a standard transmission has a dead battery, you can push it to get up some speed then pop it into gear and it will start running. Or something like that, I haven't done that since I was a kid.

30

XenoXilus t1_iujq79j wrote

Could be a stopped car with a dead engine that needs moving somewhere

5

lookielou81 t1_iujfgjh wrote

Child’s play equipment, a swing set.

Basically, a board suspended by rope or chain, that a child sits on and you push them back and forth

−15

Internal_Fennel_849 t1_iuiwpl3 wrote

So I ran back upstairs and said, "honey c'mon we need your help too"

We got to the stairs and I pushed her ass off and yelled,

"You swingers and cunts better let me get my rest or I'll be grumpy in the morning!"

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saikrishnav t1_iuj4nff wrote

Seems like a start of a good Halloween movie.

10

iAmHism t1_iujy4um wrote

Damn door-to-door crystalmethodists

1

legitxhelios t1_iukar4t wrote

Yeah I saw this joke a few weeks ago too

0

ProudFeature9783 t1_iuiy1vr wrote

Is the vulgarity an English thing?

−2

NootNootington t1_iujatrt wrote

Is being a pussy a you thing?

3

ProudFeature9783 t1_iuk6xeg wrote

No need to be a jerk. It was a simple question. It seems that British humor includes cunt quite a bit. I’m not a nun, but that is probably one of the most vulgar words around. It just seems to be a common word there.

−2

Ozamatheus t1_iui2iwb wrote

saudades do cafézinho na pop rock

−10

GamerY7 t1_iuhvch4 wrote

The long version was better

−15

Peace_Is_Coming t1_iuhlaj9 wrote

He probably meant he wants a push on the swing lol

−89

AlternativeLuck6624 t1_iuhmfqv wrote

Wow, you think so?

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Peace_Is_Coming t1_iuhpf0b wrote

yeah not a broken down car lol

−55

aioncan t1_iui7r25 wrote

The stranger was actually naked on top of his wife

6

humourless_parody t1_iuiwfgx wrote

We are not used to this level of brilliance around here, mate. Absolutely stunned.

6