Submitted by tn_notahick t3_yg5waw in Jokes

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.

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WalterDaSquirrel1259 t1_iu717s8 wrote

There’s 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 pebbles on the planet. I am a monk now so you can tell me now 😂

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Exotic_Stomach_8962 t1_iu73vd6 wrote

A classic. But consider;

A priest is giving a sermon. A man comes up to him after and says, "I need a lemon." The priest has a box of them in the back, so he gets this man his lemon. As he's handing the man the lemon, he asks "But why do you need it?" The man takes off. The priest chases him out, but the priest is in his 60s and the man gets away.

The priest doesn't have a lot going on, so he trains in running and next week the man asks for a lemon again. This time, the priest holds the lemon back and tells the man he won't hand it over until he's told why the man needs it. The man lunges forwards, surprising the priest and securing the lemon. He turns and runs out the door, but this time the priest his hot on his heels. The man runs for a few blocks and then jumps into a river and swims across.

The priest doesn't know how to swim.

Cue another week of the priest training, the man comes back for the lemon, the priest chases him out. The man jumps into the river, the priest follows. The man comes upon a cliff.

The priest can't climb.

Another week of training. The man comes in, grabs the lemon, runs, swims, and climbs. He runs for a while more, and then he runs into a cave.

The priest doesn't have a flashlight.

The priest buys a flashlight, and now it's the Sunday before Easter. The priest has a feeling he'll catch the man today. The man comes in and takes the lemon. He runs out and the priest gives chase. The man jumps in the river, and the priest follows him in. The man climbs the cliff, and the priest is hot on his heels. The man runs into the cave, and the priest draws his flashlight. He follows the man into the cave. It's dark as the pit Satan fell to, and yet the priest continues. He corners the man in a chamber, in which he can see 6 lemons, neatly piled on an otherwise empty table. The priest speaks; "I've trained for months just to chase you, please just do me one thing. Tell me why you need the lemons." The man agrees on one condition: the priest cannot, under any circumstances, tell anyone else.

And the priest was a good man and kept his word.

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AmongstYou666 t1_iu7m4hm wrote

Reminds me of something that happened to me a few years ago, but....

4

ElGl0ckO t1_iu7mb2m wrote

Dammit! All that reading for the reader to be the punch line. Touché 😂

17

Philcycles84 t1_iu7x5ah wrote

Ooooohhhhhhh,,, oooooooohhhhhhhhh you're a bad person!!!!!!!

3

Herculeanmofo1 t1_iu81owt wrote

I think it’s best if you pretend we never met, I already have. Thank you for your understanding.

17

TexasTokyo t1_iu855f9 wrote

Spoiler: it was the Devil and you just let him escape.

3

Neat_Soup6322 t1_iu8aph7 wrote

I know what the noise is. It was Shrek w*nking

2

Arkady2009 t1_iu8l3ep wrote

My favourite jokes are the ones without punchlines.

0

PahpiChulo t1_iu8ls9j wrote

I share a dad joke or shaggy dog story just about every day with my students. This is almost universally their favorite, with the NyQuil shaggy dog story a close second.

1

tn_notahick OP t1_iu8oqq5 wrote

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

11

Dragon-Ash t1_iu8su9x wrote

Damn. Got me good. Fine, take my upvote.

1

korgpounder t1_iu937op wrote

Another version of "The Note" joke. Best told when leaving a party. Add lots of details, like you're telling a story, to get people involved and curious. Then drop the last line and leave. I've had so many people calling me up days later asking what was in the note.

4

PakodiBOI t1_iu93k5t wrote

Additionally this joke has been reposted 145236284232 times

0

suugakusha t1_iu99l9b wrote

I heard this joke from a friend, but the real joke is much longer, like literally 20 minutes long. Then goes on a huge quest through jungles and deserts and each step he takes is told in excruciating detail.

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mortuus_est_iterum t1_iu9cm0g wrote

It doesn't end with a pun but it still feels more like a feghoot than a joke

Morty

2

Ueyama t1_iu9p0i3 wrote

Behind the door is the last person who tried to find out what the sound was who hits his head loudly against a wall.

1

AliMaClan t1_iu9z539 wrote

It was clearly a shaggy dog howling…

1

FalseSpring t1_iua072b wrote

Another opportunity to down vote this joke! Yay!

0

Nimelennar t1_iub5di9 wrote

>I've trained for months just to chase you

Months? It's been four weeks, unless it took longer than a week to buy a flashlight.

>He corners the man in a chamber, in which he can see 6 lemons

He only stole five; where did the sixth lemon come from?

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giddycheesecake t1_iudxu9n wrote

A man goes along the street with a basket in hand. A bandit stops him and asks what's in the basket.

"Just a nickelwoot", the man replies.

"Show it", demands the bandit.

"Sorry, I can't", says the man.

There is a short fight, but the man prevails and continues his journey. Soon he encounters two bandits blocking his way.

"What's in the basket?", they ask.

"Just a nickelwoot", the man replies.

"Ok, show it to us", demand the bandits.

"Sorry, guys, I really can't", says the man.

A long fight ensues and after some desperate moves the man prevails and goes on his journey. But after a while he meets a group of 5 bandits.

"What's in the basket", they ask.

"Just a nickelwoot", the man replies.

"Show it to us", they demand.

"I really can't", says the man.

A huge fight starts off and the man manages to ward the bandits off for some time, but is overwhelmed eventually and gets killed. The bandits open the basket and there was ...

... only a nickelwoot.

1