Submitted by Aggravating-Sink8174 t3_yhiu0q in Jokes

He ties his horse’s reins to a post outside a saloon and walks in. He pauses just inside the swinging doors and surveys the raucous room.

All heads turn as silence descends. The cowboy confidently approaches the bar and orders one shot of ‘Red eye’.

All eyes are still on the cowboy as hushed whispers float up around the room.

The cowboy gently places his glass on the bar, turns around, scans the room and then slowly walks outside. The room returns to its loud chatter and the pianist starts to play again.

The cowboy’s horse is nowhere to be seen. He growls to himself.

After a few moments the doors swing violently open - the cowboy stands there once again and raises his voice above the din -

If my horse ain’t outside after I’ve downed three shots of ‘Red-eye’, the same things is gonna happen here as what happened in Dodge City!

There’s silence once again as the cowboy makes his way to the bar. After downing each shot he slowly stares menacingly across the room making eye contact with anyone who dares look at him.

After the last shot he slams his glass down and makes his way outside.

His horse has been returned.

He jumps up on his horse and just before he starts to ride on, a small boy runs out from the bar and yells -

Hey Mr! What happened in Dodge City!?

Without looking at the boy he lowers his head and grits his teeth..

I had to walk home…”



You must log in or register to comment.

Aggressive_Eagle_235 t1_iufpyd7 wrote

And then his wife would've whooped his ass for losing a damn horse again.


2358B t1_iug6bnj wrote

There we were. Three against a thousand.

What'd you do, Grampa?

Killed all three of them.


OverlordGhs t1_iuggmsx wrote

I've heard this joke told a few ways, I think the far superior version is where instead he says "If my horse isn't back by my third drink imma have to do what I did in blah blah blah, and I don't want to do that again"

Makes the punchline hit a bit better.


Wadsworth_McStumpy t1_iui9dic wrote

"I'm gonna have three more drinks, and if my horse ain't back I'm gonna have to do what I done in Waco, and I don't wanna do what I done in Waco!"


OverlordGhs t1_iuj0fkd wrote

Yes! That's the version I think is best. Also, instead of a random kid asking him it's the bartender that asks him on his way out, which I think makes more sense.


OriginalIronDan t1_iugvk8s wrote

A cowboy ties his horse to the hitching rail outside of the saloon. He steps around to the rear of the horse, lifts its tail, sticks his finger up the horse’s ass, then rubs it on his lips. The town drunk, who’s sitting outside the saloon, asks him why he did it. He replies “I got chapped lips.” The drunk looks at him like he’s out of his mind, and says “Well, Hell, that ain’t gonna cure ‘em!” He tells the drunk “Nope. But it keeps me from lickin’ ‘em.”


HortonFLK t1_iufs9aq wrote

Next, a three legged dog walks into the bar. The bartender says, “Can I help you?” And the dog says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”


cirroc0 t1_iug1ifp wrote

Carrot Ironfoundersson called and would like his line back. :P


chaispicetea t1_iug6u7v wrote

Came here for the Carrot shout-out and was not disappointed!


extrastone t1_iuh70cv wrote

I've heard this told by Herschel Ostrolovsky but it was in Poland and he just acted like he was psycho.


Gorgeous_Whore t1_iuegrk0 wrote



PrometheusJ t1_iuelgdb wrote

Cowboy made it seem like he killed people in dodge city. The joke is he didn't, he just had to walk home instead of take his horse home.

There's a phrase "Get out of dodge" when you're in a bad senario. This joke is a reference to that old saying as far as I can tell