Submitted by bainbrigge t3_yc73r4 in Jokes
Make_the_music_stop t1_itkq69n wrote
I have a friend who does the best ever seagull impression. He can’t do the noise, he just steals your chips and shits on your car.
Semi_K t1_itolnuo wrote
A Chicago sunroof
sebblMUC t1_itozw15 wrote
Ah man of culture
-_-M_MUNEEB_3-_- t1_itp8n2o wrote
SCHIZOPHRE- I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers. I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just – I just couldn’t prove it. He covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He’s done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! He orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! And I shouldn’t have. I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He’ll never change. He’ll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the same! Couldn’t keep his hands out of the cash drawer! But not our Jimmy! Couldn’t be precious Jimmy! Stealing them blind! And HE gets to be a lawyer? What a sick joke! I should’ve stopped him when I had the chance! …And you, you have to stop him! You
[deleted] t1_itlnwvz wrote
[removed]
BPP1943 t1_itmdg3y wrote
A panda walked into a DC restaurant. He ordered a salad, shot the waiter, and left. The manager ran after the panda and asked, “Why did you do that?” The panda replied, “isn’t it obvious? I’m a panda. I eat shoots and leaves.“
Umpteenth_zebra t1_itn31et wrote
You really butchered that one.
[deleted] t1_itn1ji8 wrote
[removed]
[deleted] t1_itnzocl wrote
[removed]
rsjf89 t1_itmp19j wrote
Pander
Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments