A man walks into a pet shop looking for a new bird

Submitted by regwregarvfse t3_z1g4fv in Jokes

He sees a parrot in a cage with a tag reading "$10", the man asks, "why is he so cheap?", he then heard "Because I'm defective, I've got no legs." Surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whispers, "I have a big penis. I just wrap it around the bar and stay put. Go offer the owner 5 bucks for me. He'll take it." The man walks out of the store with the bird and takes him home. They become the best of friends. They talk sports, politics, gaming, current events, and so on. The man could not be happier. One day the man gets home from work and the parrot beckons him over with his wing "Psst...come here. I need to talk to you." "What?" "It's about your wife." "Yeah, what about her?" "It's the postman. Today he knocked and she answered the door in skimpy black lingerie." "What!" "Yes. And then they started kissing" the parrot went on. "Holy shit, that can't be possible." "It is. Then they went over to the couch and he slipped her out of her underwear and then things started to get really steamy." "Well," the man asks "what happened next?" "I don't know," said the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

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DiedWhileDictating t1_ixas4n7 wrote

Why would the man offer $10 for a parrot that only costs $5 to begin with?

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gentlysever98 t1_ixaue3i wrote

Jokes involving the mailman always have a good delivery.

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uglypaperhaver t1_ixb9fvg wrote

Whhhhhhhy didn't you make the punchline just "How should I know - that's when I fell off my perch"

Or anything like that as long as you don't say 'I got a hard-on"...

Such a perfectly told joke with a gaffe like that at the last instant? I practically fell off my perch!

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Ok_Quantity1489 t1_ixbck8n wrote

I laughed so hard at this I almost fell off MY perch!

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End_G4ming t1_ixbepeq wrote

Btw this is a shitty repost of some other joke, that goes into a but more detail, and i don't have the link to it so just look up defective parrot and see what is the oldest

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SpareMind t1_ixbtuw0 wrote

I still wonder, if some of those have decided their choice of career as mail man and plumbers because of such stories and visuals.

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RedeyeJedi325 t1_ixbz9np wrote

My Chinese friend told me he was opening a crows shop. A crows shop? I said Don't you mean a clothes shop? No he said, a crows shop!. Ok I said...I'll take a rook

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Dabadoi t1_ixcbj6m wrote

>He sees a parrot in a cage with a tag reading "$10", the man asks, "why is he so cheep?"

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aww-sam-guy t1_ixccac9 wrote

ne day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?'' The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.'' ''What about the green one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.'' ''What about the red one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.'' The man says, ''What does HE do?'' The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''

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oweneil t1_ixcfzsn wrote

Had to share this one hahaha

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Massive-Prophet t1_ixcr8zh wrote

A man walks into a pet shop looking for a new bird.

Man behind the counter says, "How about a cockatoo?"

Customer says, "No thanks, just a bird".

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Almadaptpt t1_ixcus5i wrote

Man this joke reminds me of a dear late friend of my father's. That man was great and always loved telling jokes. This is was one that got stuck with me.

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Altosham1000 t1_ixde8il wrote

It's funnier if it ends with just 'I fell off my perch' No need to explain the joke before the punchline

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oo-mox83 t1_ixdhf9w wrote

Replying to SpareMind (#612,319)

I just started with the post office and the scanner snitches if you're stopped more than 10 minutes. Don't expect more than that if you're gonna go for it.

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E420CDI t1_ixdjqdm wrote

Lovely parrot, the Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage, isn't it?

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