An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel...

Submitted by yapmadiyorum t3_z3019a in Jokes

and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

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yapmadiyorum OP t1_ixj4z0n wrote

I found this joke from December 1989 issue of Playboy.

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prankerjoker t1_ixjo780 wrote

I assume you read Playboy only for the jokes.

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RealArgonwolf t1_ixjqouy wrote

Well yeah, why else would y- oh JOKES, jokes you say... umm... yeah totally.

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Critical_Session482 t1_ixjv11r wrote

I know a man who back in 1993 worked at the old (now closed) National Fertilizer Development Center in Muscle Shoals Alabama when the Oklahoma bombing took place. The primary ingredient in the bomb was ammonium nitrate which is a primary ingredient in fertilizer.

He and is colleagues were tasked to see if a way could be found to make ammonium nitrate in bulk that could not be used to create a bomb.

To find out how the OK bombers made the bomb they had to use a copy of Playboy magazine for reference because a reporter for Playboy outdid the FBI and ATF and discovered how the bomb was made.

I don't think they succeed because of the Beriut blast a couple of year ago.

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Critical_Ad_8455 t1_iy3q5gm wrote

i mean... the fbi & whatnot probably discovered how it happened... they just wouldn't necessarily make it public information.

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jeepney_danger t1_ixk6qpz wrote

IIRC the jokes are printed at the back of the centerfold, or somewhere near that.

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Brennon337 t1_ixl5758 wrote

Wait wait wait, there's stuff on the other side of the centerfolds?

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jeepney_danger t1_ixl7mk4 wrote

Yes aside from the Playmate's stat sheet, i believe there are jokes there.

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Artie4 t1_ixo929f wrote

With a cartoon of the “Femlin” correct?

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kk074 t1_ixk2nlv wrote

A man of sophistication

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Sir5er1 t1_ixmeru5 wrote

A salesman walks up to a house and knocks. A 13 year old boy answers the door with a cigar in one hand a glass of whiskey in the other and a Playboy tucked under his arm. Salesman says ‘’Hi Sonny. Is your mom or dad home?’’ Kid says ‘’What the hell do you think!’’

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SmirkingMan t1_ixjmzq2 wrote

Hhrumph, it was a repost

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ENetArch t1_ixkahk4 wrote

If you found the post worth while the first time, then milk it for all it's worth.

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[deleted] t1_ixk0bsk wrote

[deleted]

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GuairdeanBeatha t1_ixkppsu wrote

David vs Goliath is a classic example of why you don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.

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Anierous t1_ixkrguk wrote

When I learned about it, I had no idea how David managed to do it with a sling. Then I read up on ancient army slings. These were dangerous, especially without armor.

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GuairdeanBeatha t1_ixkrwf4 wrote

Slingers were also very accurate. They could bring down a bird in flight at 200 feet. Slinging a stone through the opening in the face shield on a helmet was well within their capabilities.

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86tuning t1_ixl30r9 wrote

to add to that, the round smooth stones he chose were composed of an extremely dense type of rock in that area. can't remember where i read that, nor can i remember what type of rock it was. basalt perhaps?

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realjudahbear t1_ixlckt5 wrote

A sling used properly has the same stopping power of a .44 magnum.

Some terrorist groups like Hamas often use them even today.

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ketsueki82 t1_ixm3uy4 wrote

Well not advocating for anything here but can you blame them? A sling is leather, ammunition is anything of a suitable size and shape, and both can be concealed easily. I don't see it being used for assassination attempts but it could easily be taken by various types of guards easily into areas where weapons are not supposed to be, as for using one in the areas that is a different matter.

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Murky_Following_3338 t1_ixlz0k2 wrote

No worries, it's a fairytale. We're in the day and age where a president can openly mock a disabled person and brag they could kill someone and still win an election. Feel free to make this fairytale a real life news story.

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edlee98765 t1_ixjeoww wrote

Everyone thinks Goliath as this big, tough, bully of Jews.

But really, he was a Gentile giant.

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OskarTheRed t1_ixj5o4l wrote

Extremely specific archaeology joke. I love it

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decoparts t1_ixjayre wrote

I'd have a heart attack too- such a Giant loss!

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Waitsfornoone t1_ixkj6b0 wrote

I'd of had a heart attack too. Goliath had him 2 to 1 in stature alone, much less experience, this should not have even been a contest.

Those Silly Philistines.

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Ishidan01 t1_ixl49bd wrote

that's what really makes the story.

David refusing the king's armor, knowing it would just slow him down and make him unable to stay out of reach of that massive sword. I mean did he really take the field buck naked as his famous statue would imply? Probably not, but neither would he be in a stranger's clothes.

David having the skills to find the perfect ammo, and having the skills to execute a boom, headshot!

Goliath being stupid enough or blind enough to think he was being approached by David bearing "sticks", not a sling, even though his side would surely know what a slinger was.

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SilentGovernment2370 t1_ixqdx3o wrote

He did have a staff with him. "Sticks" was probably mocking the size of his staff...

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NPC1861 t1_ixm15or wrote

Hahaha, that's the funniest thing I've read hear in a long time.

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ADHD_McChick t1_ixly3x3 wrote

As the wife of a Jewish man...

I approve this joke!

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