Submitted by SamElTerrible t3_z70bum in Jokes
[removed]
Comments
volantmav t1_iy44jyd wrote
It was funny the first time and still funny...
Im_A_Troll_bro t1_iy49uw9 wrote
I don't get it.. the what works on what machine?
ye_evincare t1_iy4adj1 wrote
Or the version of the same joke when after the testing a guest walks in and asks where the restrooms are (iirc) and the bar blows up :)
But might be too long and probably works better when read than delivered…
Dorkus_Mallorkus t1_iy40q8d wrote
Had to do the same thing a while back. Here's the one I told that went over well (some words changed but same basic structure):
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."
FairSquared t1_iy415b2 wrote
It depends on the office where you work if that's considered office friendly.. pretty sure that in most cases, that's not office friendly 😅
Dorkus_Mallorkus t1_iy4i614 wrote
This is true. I work for an Australian company, where the boundaries are probably much wider than most...
JustG97 t1_iy41h1z wrote
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the rabbit “What is your blood type?”, and the rabbit replies “I think I’m a type-O”
Own-Razzmatazz-9350 t1_iy4hito wrote
I... don't think I get it. Would you care to enlighten me?
rising_then_falling t1_iy4j40a wrote
Rabbit is a typo of Rabbi
FinnStrike7 t1_iy4jqxd wrote
It should be “Rabbi” instead of “Rabbit”. The joke is that the rabbit is type-O: as in a typo, because the joke has rabbit instead of rabbi.
Own-Razzmatazz-9350 t1_iy4rk7w wrote
Ah, I see. Thank you for explaining.
theleaderproject t1_iy43pjn wrote
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
​
None, that's a hardware issue.
granfrad t1_iy40l1x wrote
I wanted to tell you all about the best Indian Restaurant I went to last night, but they made me sign a naan disclosure agreement.
Ewetootwo t1_iy7gjcn wrote
I bet you didn’t dilly dally there too long.
-WontLoversRevoltNow t1_iy4gh0n wrote
Q. What has 4 wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck.
Rubly t1_iy3zgue wrote
This is my favorite (clean, short) joke.
Knock knock.
(Who's there?)
Wooden shoe.
(Wooden shoe who?)
Wooden shoe like to know.
STORMCADace t1_iy462ue wrote
A Mechanic, an Engineer and a Microsoft Developer were in a car driving on a lonely road in the middle of nowhere when they get a flat tyre. They check the spare and that's also flat.
The Mechanic says " Okay we'll have to walk back to the town we just passed and try for a tow"
The Engineer says "Wait a minute guys, let's analyse our situation, weigh up our options and work out the probability of someone coming along and helping us.
The Microsoft dev says "Nah guys. let's just keep driving, maybe the wheel will just repair itself....."
hi1768 t1_iy4u85k wrote
I guess the Microsoft dev said : just close all the windows.
NickDixon37 t1_iy40zoj wrote
It might be good to use something like this - as so many office disputes are communication based. And sometimes both parties are right.
solatesosorry t1_iy4aq7w wrote
How are a West Hollywood cosmetologist and cosmologist the same? : : : : They both trim the hair of former stars.
Awkward_Solution_567 t1_iy4k8re wrote
Sven and Inga were on their honeymoon trip to Minneapolis. During the trip, Sven but his hand on Inga's thigh. Inga said, "Sven, we're married now so you can go farther."
So Sven drove to Duluth.
trey-rey t1_iy4mt67 wrote
What's the difference between a good project manager and a bad project manager?
One makes updates and the other makes-up dates.
(This one is all about the delivery :) )
Ewetootwo t1_iy4cinu wrote
Why did the midget eats the ice cream cone?
GoneToFlinFlon t1_iy4gzq9 wrote
I wouldn't use this in a work environment (whatever the punchline). M*dget is a slur
Own-Razzmatazz-9350 t1_iy4huvx wrote
🚨 M * D G E T A L E R T🚨 🤯
Ewetootwo t1_iy7g8tp wrote
Why did the vertically challenged they eat the ice cream cone? Woke enuff for ya?
Altruistic-Sir-6055 t1_iy4g505 wrote
What is Putin's favourite song?
Crimea River.
[deleted] t1_iy4jok0 wrote
[deleted]
Quirky_Scar7857 t1_iy4n2gv wrote
why did the chicken cross the road. to get to the idiots house.
knock knock. who's there? the chicken.
two jokes really. hopefully someone will bite and day who's there!
Aggravating-Ad-5793 t1_iy4t0is wrote
Q: What's the difference between a car tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear. The other is a great year!
Specialist-Look-7929 t1_iy4lna6 wrote
What's the difference between an onion and a dead hooker? . I cried when I chopped up the onion.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? . I never had a lentil on my face.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? . No ideer.
PostCivil7869 t1_iy4r580 wrote
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea?
GuairdeanBeatha t1_iy3zzyf wrote
A QA engineer walks into a bar and orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
The bartender pours one beer and says "it works on my machine."