Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

dje1964 t1_j23mth0 wrote

The book of Leviticus says "if a man lay with another man as he would with his wife, he must be stoned"

That is why California legalized Gay Marriage and possession of marijuana at the same time

610

master-virus t1_j23upie wrote

Bro lol.

You owe me a coffee

102

Wiki_pedo t1_j24v7t4 wrote

You either knocked over the whole coffee or the serving size was one mouthful.

29

morbiiq t1_j272uxl wrote

Or they peed it out before the body could take advantage of all the nutrients :x

1

BloodiedBlues t1_j24q2x2 wrote

From what I’ve heard, that was a mistranslation of the Germanic Bible where, when correctly translated, says if man lay with boy as he would with his wife, he must be stoned”

15

tarryngray t1_j23vxpq wrote

It actually says “if a man lay with child as he would his wife” but it was changed some time during the 1900s

12

dje1964 t1_j23wdxs wrote

I won't argue the point as I am not old enough to have read it back then. But I am down with dropping a big fucking rock on anyone's balls that would do that to a kid

42

Lopsided_Sailor t1_j263b1h wrote

A heavy rock would work. But I think a dull knife or really strong laser would be more permanent... or maybe even a spoon.

3

Aeosin15 t1_j27eqai wrote

The rustiest, most jagged fucking spoon that can be had. Don't cut it off. TEAR it off.

2

quid_facis_cacasne t1_j241wuc wrote

I have a Vulgate from the 18th century which says, Lev. 18:22, "Cum masculo non commiscearis coitu femineo quia abominatio est". This means, "May you not engage in womanly sex with a male, because it is an abomination." No reference of stoning, no reference of a man with his own child.

It doesn't actually seem to be an injunction against homosexuality per se in the Latin, rather against being the passive partner, which was the philosophy of homosexuality for the Greeks as well.

10

dje1964 t1_j24g2qr wrote

Wow. I am impressed by all the biblical and legal scholars here in r/jokes

7

Fit_Cherry7133 t1_j25589w wrote

Wait, so who were the gay dude's banging then??

1

quid_facis_cacasne t1_j2565j0 wrote

I know that's the really weird contradiction about it. The way the Greeks worked around it was to encourage the passive partner to be an adolescent, because it was thought that it would be even more dishonourable for an adult man to be in that position. This is in Foucault's History of Sexuality.

2

limeafterlime t1_j23xc5p wrote

Wasn’t Mary a pre teen when she married a middle aged Joseph?

3

orangemaroon25 t1_j23zssn wrote

Teen, definitely. I'm not sure about pre-teen.

But keep in mind that pretty much all women/girls were married off pretty much once they were physically fertile in those days. You can't judge it by today's standards.

Additionally my understanding is that Joseph was either already widowed or had never married and his idea was just to take Mary as a "wife" to support her because no one else would and he wasn't even intending to expect any marital relations from her. However I don't remember where I got this idea from so it very easily could have been some revisionist teaching that isn't supported by the actual Church.

8

Lopsided_Sailor t1_j263mkc wrote

Probably between 14 and 16. But nobody knows for sure... That was a common age for marriage (for women) at that time.

1

mnmason83 t1_j24cbxe wrote

That sounds made up.

2

Lonke t1_j24d87u wrote

Well, yeah, that's like all of the bible.

11

Lopsided_Sailor t1_j263voe wrote

False. Pretty much everything in the Bible has been verified by archaeology and science. Do some research...

−3

KnightRho t1_j26b36l wrote

I'd love some guidance on where to look for that. Specifically the walking on water and parting the Red Sea. I have a lake in the middle of my commute that takes almost a half hour to get around. I'd rather just go over or through that bitch

5

Aeosin15 t1_j27f07g wrote

Or the part where people are living to be hundreds of years old with zilch for medicine.

3

Aeosin15 t1_j27f3v9 wrote

Or the part where one man builds a boat large enough to fit 2 of every animal.

3

Lonke t1_j28tvgz wrote

Imagine the price of wine if the word about this got out!

1

Lonke t1_j28ry8u wrote

Best joke in this entire thread.

1

OverallManagement824 t1_j24vlvv wrote

I'd like a credible source for this because, while I'm not at all religious, I will repeat this fact every chance I get. But I need to know it's true.

1

Lopsided_Sailor t1_j264ad0 wrote

My understanding is that it's based on archeological research and discovered written documents showing the general age of married woman at the time. I am sure that nothing in the Bible referenced her age (or that of any other woman at marriage).

3

DodgerWalker t1_j24b1zu wrote

That was Washington in 2012. California didn’t vote to legalize weed until 2016, which was more than a year after the SCOTUS legalized same sex marriage for the entire country.

7

dje1964 t1_j24fe0a wrote

I was being silly. But thank you for clarification

Heaven forbid there be inaccuracies in the timeline of a joke

43

master-virus t1_j25lvzu wrote

I loved the joke.

We take things too serious.

Thanks for the joke.

5

dje1964 t1_j25v2ia wrote

I heard it, retold it (poorly) and if I had any idea of where I heard it originally I would have given them credit. Only that person may correct my errors

"The statement above was for satirical purposes only"

2

master-virus t1_j25w0nn wrote

Sometimes you have to take deep breaths and smile 😁

2

1TenDesigns t1_j24ugbz wrote

The problem with that belief, is the current public education system is so bad most of todays kids get the majority of their education from jokes and memes.

−1

violetbaudelairegt t1_j243asp wrote

You took the same concept about a pun on stoning and sex and made it way funnier and way less offensive lol

1

dje1964 t1_j24gj4y wrote

Actually, I simply plagiarized a joke I heard somewhere else without giving credit to the source, since I don't even remember where I heard it in the first place

Edit. Grammer

3

FrankWhiteIsHere78 t1_j257w4w wrote

Edit: Grammar. LoL

1

dje1964 t1_j25u9vd wrote

You should have seen it before I fixed it

2

CaptnBluehat t1_j24hq56 wrote

Funny joke and all, but it actually says BOY, not 2nd man.

−3

zen-shen t1_j234cei wrote

Iranian girl can get an abortion.

205

onlyreadtheheadlines t1_j23813z wrote

Oh.

https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2022/01/iran-repeal-crippling-new-anti-abortion-law-un-experts

37

IcyFaithlessness3259 t1_j269nbf wrote

West needs to stay out of other cultures. Let's not forget all the leftists that tried to go to the soccer game wearing rainbows and got kicked out. People need to respect other people's cultures.

−5

Frewsa t1_j269ysg wrote

I think oppression hiding under the mask of “culture” is still oppression and we should be against it.

7

IcyFaithlessness3259 t1_j26f5z2 wrote

I agree. But what do you consider oppression in that country?

Abortion or not having access for contraceptives?

1

doctorsilvana t1_j27i0t5 wrote

Mass killing of Iranian children, no access to real medical treatments for many citizens, no access to contraceptives and abortion, being banned from studying many subjects in University because you're a girl and they are male-subjects, Forced Economy to keep people poor and destroy the worth of the currency while the oppressors spends millions of dollars buying real estate and university tuition in US, ...

I could really go on, but oppression is still oppression and shouldn't be hidden under Laws or Forced cultures. Iranians have their own culture not this one forced to them by the muslim kings and oppressors.

1

IcyFaithlessness3259 t1_j28ovr4 wrote

So you're saying Muslims and their religion, Is oppressive in a way? I'll agree on that with you.

2

orangemaroon25 t1_j23zytu wrote

Most Americans would have much greater access to this than Iranians.

Iran actually lives under theocratic rule. Some Americans claim they do, or fear that they will, but they should look at somewhere like Iran and realize where they actually stand.

6

zen-shen t1_j245dro wrote

This got serious.

You are right that Americans have greater access.

But they are heading in the same direction as Iran.

Americans have been fighting it for a long time. Over ruling of roe vs. Wade has this fight even longer.

If both iranian and Americans are fighting the same fight, right now, I believe Iran has a better chance right now.

One regime change vs. A lengthy case that goes through all the courts? Yes, Iran has better hopes.

6

orangemaroon25 t1_j246o55 wrote

No, you're missing my point. America is not at all "heading in the same direction." We're not fighting the same fight either. America is not and never will be under the kind of oppressive theocratic rule that Iran suffers, despite what your chosen media tries to scare you with.

−3

Dottsterisk t1_j24a2bg wrote

It’s dangerous and ahistorical to believe that American democracy is invincible and that fascism or theocracy could never happen here.

8

orangemaroon25 t1_j24a5kl wrote

And it's objectively false to believe we're in any imminent danger of it right now

−5

Dottsterisk t1_j24adga wrote

That’s a bold claim presented with no evidence or argument.

5

orangemaroon25 t1_j24aihb wrote

That's because the claim I'm refuting wasn't presented with any evidence or argument either. There's no burden of proof on my statement here. So it's really not that bold of a claim.

1

Dottsterisk t1_j24b046 wrote

Considering we just saw an attempted insurrection by a very popular American fascist and former president and we rolled back abortion rights, I don’t think discussion of the fragility of American democracy in the face of the religious right is too off-base.

But you’re clearly more interested in downvoting and dismissing than discussion, so have a good one and stay insulated.

5

orangemaroon25 t1_j24bduo wrote

I don't think you know what fascism means, and we "rolled back" rights that never existed anyway according to our Constitution, not because of any religious anything, so I don't know why you're afraid of the "religious right".

I'm downvoting bad takes and dismissing illogical arguments, as is the purpose of the downvote button. I'm trying to have discussion but that requires the other person to make logically valid points too which isn't happening.

−1

Dottsterisk t1_j24c1c1 wrote

Trump is definitely a wannabe fascist and his authoritarian tendencies and constant scapegoating of minority populations while harkening back to a mythical time of American greatness and emphasizing might is right from the fascist playbook. You can blithely claim it ain’t so, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is going to forget what they’ve seen.

And if you think that the religious right has nothing to do with the battle over abortion rights in the US, then you simply have not been paying attention and should not be speaking on the matter.

So no, you’re just downvoting stuff you don’t want to hear.

2

Lonke t1_j24dn3i wrote

Didn't women recently lose abortion rights in many states of the US?

On second thought, considering the amount of deliberate alive baby killing in the bible (like 1 Samuel 15:3), I guess it's reasonable to argue it's not just theocratic oppression.

6

orangemaroon25 t1_j24dy77 wrote

Yes, you could say that, but you can't "lose" something you never had anyway and our Supreme Court ruled that there never was any such "right" granted by the Constitution.

−5

Lonke t1_j24gbwm wrote

I might not be completely clear on the nuances of the situation, but would it then be fair to say they still lost right even if it wasn't constitutional?

7

orangemaroon25 t1_j24x052 wrote

Isn't that what I just said?

They lost a "right" that never was a right to begin with. So yes, you can say that they lost that right but you cannot say it's a bad thing because now we have the correct situation the way it's supposed to be.

−2

Laurenhynde82 t1_j25dgq6 wrote

Right, your constitution has never been wrong about anything - that’s why it has never been amended! Oh…

2

orangemaroon25 t1_j25dyg1 wrote

That's not what I said at all. But that means it isn't wrong unless and until so amended.

I'm glad you realize that the correct way to get the "rights" you want in this country is by an amendment.

0

Laurenhynde82 t1_j25jgai wrote

I don’t live in your country, but hopefully you understand the difference between a “right” and a “constitutional right”. Bragging that the same rights afforded to women in far less developed countries aren’t in your constitution isn’t the mic drop you seem to think it is.

3

orangemaroon25 t1_j25l677 wrote

Yet again, that's not what I said. Please stop trying to argue with me if you can't even understand what it is I have actually stated.

0

Laurenhynde82 t1_j24ond9 wrote

The term gaslighting is over-used on the internet, but this really does take the cake.

2

orangemaroon25 t1_j24vuce wrote

Thanks for this useful contribution. /s

−1

Laurenhynde82 t1_j24w3yu wrote

No, thank you for completely diminishing the impact on American womens’ bodily autonomy, and denying that this is a remotely concerning move.

1

orangemaroon25 t1_j24xh6c wrote

I didn't do that though.

I never said the first thing about anyone's bodily autonomy, chiefly because that isn't relevant to this discussion since it isn't affected by restricting abortion. I certainly never denied that it was a concerning move. I just said it's not as bad as some of you doom scrollers are making it sound and certainly not as bad as an actually theocratic country like Iran.

Go back and read the actual words that I actually said and respond only to those, not to whatever you think I said or want me to have said to fit your chosen narrative that makes me your opponent.

1

Laurenhynde82 t1_j25432f wrote

Bodily autonomy isn’t affected by restricting abortion? You just keep digging yourself deeper. American government is literally limiting access to healthcare for women for ideological and religious reasons. As has been demonstrated in the last few months, those who achieved this limitation do not wish to stop at restricting abortion access (and there is now clinical data on how the change in law has risked the lives of women unnecessarily). So arguing that America is not heading down a road where rights are curtailed and risked due to religious beliefs is ignoring the obvious, no matter how dismissive you wish to be.

1

orangemaroon25 t1_j257eqi wrote

>95% of the time women do not get pregnant without having already exercised their bodily autonomy. The choice already happened.

Abortion is not healthcare. It can't be, by definition, because it literally destroys life. This is a known fact of science, so please don't try and argue with it.

These limitations are not coming from religious reasons though. The Supreme Court explained why Roe v Wade was wrong in the first place and why they overturned it and none of this is necessarily about religious reasons. The limitations came from Constitutional reasons, which is what the Court is supposed to do.

That's why I'm arguing that nobody is restricting rights for religious reasons, because they're not.

0

Laurenhynde82 t1_j259w7k wrote

You are incredibly ignorant and incredibly wrong. Care to share where your knowledge of pregnancy and abortion comes from? I’m going to take a wild guess you don’t work in maternity - handily enough I do.

Abortion absolutely is healthcare. Do you know even remotely what you’re talking about it? Do you know abortifacients are used when a miscarriage does not happen fully, when there’s an ectopic or extra uterine pregnancy, when a pregnancy cannot be continued for maternal or foetal medical reasons?

Do you understand the risks to a woman’s life and long term health where pregnancy is concerned, especially a complex or high risk pregnancy?

Do you know that abortion laws in some states are preventing doctors from treating women with intrauterine death, risk of sepsis, women who need chemotherapy or urgent abdominal surgery or other conditions not compatible with continuing pregnancy, or extremely early labour well before the point of viability even though those babies cannot survive?

Are you saying that 98% of pregnancies are consensual and planned? If so, there wouldn’t be much call for abortion would there, aside from termination for medical reasons, so why restrict it? Obviously you’re absolutely incorrect on that point, of course - but we can get into a discussion on how pregnancy occurs and therefore who is in control of that if you like.

It’s entirely disingenuous to say that the reasons are not religious, as you well know.

1

zen-shen t1_j24ivc0 wrote

I am not asking about theocratic rule. I am saying this about rights to abortion. The way I see it, right now, the difference between iranian girls and american girls is minuscule and still the iranians are ahead. That's why I said...

Iranian girl can get an abortion.

1

orangemaroon25 t1_j24wq6k wrote

Most Americans can, and I don't live in Iran but I'm pretty sure that would be very much illegal under their actually theocratic government.

0

suyanide4444 t1_j23m9kg wrote

Until a certain age of the fetuse yes

1

Gatrigonometri t1_j23ppzj wrote

True, but it’s fucking Iran so there’s that, while in the land of the free, we have abortion refugees fleeinf certain states

13

suyanide4444 t1_j23yp1q wrote

I did not say iran is a good country

As residents of Iran I fucking hate it

2

orangemaroon25 t1_j2401zb wrote

What the hell are "abortion refugees"?

Take your doom boner somewhere else or learn how to actually use the word refugee

−2

Gatrigonometri t1_j240hrf wrote

I’m referring to women having to cross state lines just to get an abortion

I hope you’re not imagining a bunch of 5 months old fetuses running arount trying to escape Florida

4

orangemaroon25 t1_j240oc1 wrote

I wasn't imagining that although that's what your phrasing sounded like.

Crossing state lines to get an abortion, and then returning home afterward, does not make one a "refugee".

0

n123ok t1_j22mjfv wrote

Botj have totally different definitions for a blowjob.

48

roydepoy t1_j23ibjs wrote

They might have different definitions for a blow up doll as well.

9

bobert13581 t1_j23ax5f wrote

One thinks they are opressed, one is actually opressed

44

CronkleDonker t1_j24efy3 wrote

Both can be oppressed, in different ways and different levels of severity.

10

Ornery-Baby8845 t1_j24t1dl wrote

Women, particularly white women are in no way oppressed in western society.

1

CronkleDonker t1_j24uaal wrote

Women's rights to reproductive care and abortion were revoked less than a year ago in a Western country.

4

Pupert_Krappenschitz t1_j240bth wrote

Nooo I don't have free healthcare, abortion laws in a few states is against us and Anna in Netherlands got better unemployment benefits. Iran is clearly superior than USA for Women.

−7

Ixteufel t1_j24112d wrote

Benefits and free stuff have nothing to do with oppression.

−3

BusHobo t1_j23lx43 wrote

about 200 lbs

16

Professor-Clegg t1_j242n7e wrote

Uh oh, the CIA is getting ready to invade Iran and they’re softening us up for it on social media.

15

vartha OP t1_j2479zp wrote

You mean I could earn some money as a CIA agenda bot?

12

RubeusShagrid t1_j23mpva wrote

Iranian girl has free healthcare

13

mojamax t1_j26sp8d wrote

Iranian boy here, not really. Just a bit cheaper and better insurance deals

1

doctorsilvana t1_j27ifvj wrote

Yet remember that the companies refuse to pay for cancer patients treatment because their medicine is too expensive and considered a luxury item. And this is due to the oppressing regime not accepting the import of those drugs from Europe or US.

2

nslenders t1_j23rakf wrote

The American girl had active shooter drills at school.

12

orangemaroon25 t1_j2405pa wrote

The Iranian girl might be a shooter.

−3

nslenders t1_j240ea0 wrote

Iranian girls have less contacts with firearms than American girls

4

orangemaroon25 t1_j240k44 wrote

Depends on which Americans we're talking about

4

24-Carat-AH t1_j248v9a wrote

Aren't y'all the same?

−1

Lopsided_Sailor t1_j265gsc wrote

If they're from a freedom-loving (constitutional) state, they are likely fully trained in gun safety and have two or three of their own. If from a suppressed state like new York or calif, then they are terrified that the guns locked up in some imaginary neighbor's gun safe will somehow break it and go on a killing spree.

2

rgahewitt t1_j2384lr wrote

One is really hot, the other is American

11

24-Carat-AH t1_j248mxg wrote

What's the difference between American schoolchildren and Iranian schoolchildren?

Iranian kids die outside school while American kids die in school.

11

JayFSB t1_j27qlhn wrote

I presume mass shooters are perfectly willing to settle for a change of venue

1

TheBigDickDon t1_j245uu8 wrote

Damn hahaha holy shit. Laying next to my Iranian (Kurdish) girlfriend while reading this. I think I’m going to just keep this one to myself lmao.

10

TW200e t1_j25xmwx wrote

That's probably a wise move.

3

SatvikK22 t1_j23omer wrote

american one uses handcuffs for fun

8

Bugtotes t1_j23nhxs wrote

American women have hairless cats 🤷‍♂️

(That has 2 meanings)

4

Marik-X-Bakura t1_j23viuu wrote

Is America just “default country” in this joke?

4

vartha OP t1_j2472c7 wrote

I think using US here is required to not distract the reader with unknowns. Widespread weed usage is a well-known fact, or at least stereotype, about the US, but would you know if it's the same with, say, Korea?

5

K16w32a2r4k8 t1_j265rt0 wrote

Instead of stoned to death afterwards in Iran. Of course just accusing her might do the job …

3

Papadopium t1_j22q72e wrote

Sad but true!

2

vartha OP t1_j22sst2 wrote

Yes, but fortunately the prevalence is rather low. According to the article below it's about once per year. https://blogs.loc.gov/law/2021/04/falqs-execution-by-stoning-and-privacy-laws-related-to-sexual-crimes-in-iran-and-afghanistan/

3

Papadopium t1_j22u2b1 wrote

Once per year it's already jumping my boundaries.

14

rodric606 t1_j255a8u wrote

True, it shouldn't happen at all.

But people forget that there are also a small number of American women who are murdered every year by their boyfriends/husbands out of jealousy or anger.

2

Papadopium t1_j25cfrg wrote

Yeah, but the subject here was about being stoned which doesn't relate with the way American women are being murdered.

1

flash_boner t1_j23cnf7 wrote

The Iranian girl gets sexed before stone. Got it.

2

Different_Dance7248 t1_j26c8vg wrote

American girl has sex before marriage and a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of getting a marriage proposal from the man who F—-d (how do I say this nicely?) her.

2

plateau1999 t1_j24hy2k wrote

Iraq: It’s What’s For Dinar

1

Anruiishi t1_j26fyao wrote

One of them is a doll.

1

typing1-handed t1_j26ll4y wrote

The American girl gets stoned before she gets raped.

1

Wood_finisher t1_j26nx9l wrote

Anyone know the trick to get a joke published in here? I posted one and it disappeared

1

Badger411425 t1_j26xnac wrote

One's not confused about her gender, and the other one is an American???

1

BeaSousa t1_j26ydna wrote

Wooof! Hahaha Damn

1

janspash10 t1_j26zx9o wrote

You can see the American girls face

1

StevenMcFlyJr t1_j27uljr wrote

Answer:

Iran. So far away.

We're closer

1

jordanwhiter t1_j26duas wrote

ha ha and if it was the same joke but about sex dolls the american one dosnt blow itself up?

0

khrmfb28 t1_j26vu2b wrote

Take this filth to r/darkjokes, literally shaking right now

0

cerebralpaulc t1_j23cjmk wrote

American girls love handbags, Iranian girls live in bags…we are the same

−1

AffectionateDark7947 t1_j23wte6 wrote

Wtf is wrong w you

−4

neeto_mosqueeto t1_j25al33 wrote

What’s wrong with him? More like what’s wrong with Iran. Maybe ask your husband if you can have a sense of humor.

2

nolitos t1_j234gyz wrote

Poor taste.

−7

TransSlutUK t1_j23s5lv wrote

It's a defensive reaction to a bad situation called 'humor' Many 'jokes' skirt the borders of decency. Few good ones cross that line back to socially acceptable 😇 This one may have difficulty seeing that border with binoculars, but it is still funny to many and highlighting social injustice.

4

jariwoud t1_j23icga wrote

🤓Um actually they come from a different country🤓

−11

vartha OP t1_j253jml wrote

Correct answer. And you're probably the main attractor at every party. Why is it that people giving are you so many down votes?

1