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Romthirty t1_j1p44vc wrote

I hate when my wife looks and me straight in the eyes when I’m making love. Next time I’ll close the window on her.


TnBluesman t1_j1pk71d wrote

A buddy asked me one day if I talk to my wife during sex. I said "No, but I could. The hotel has a phone right next to the bed. "


dan_santhems t1_j1qvuv0 wrote

"During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel." - Rodney Dangerfield


thetrevorkian t1_j1q75lu wrote

Because you can disrespect the room.

Sure you can disrespect your own room but then you have to clean up that disrespect later.


SMOKIN_0AKEE t1_j1qbmju wrote

If she's a squirter, the prep to save the mattress is real


OG_Panthers_Fan t1_j1qh0nr wrote

Get a waterproof mattress cover.

No amount of towels or blankets is enough to protect the mattress completely.

Waterproof sex blankets can get moved aside in the midst of the action.

But make sure you wash or replace the cover before you have anyone help you move. Those stains are unmistakable.


CapeMOGuy t1_j1r1gdx wrote

Never use fabric softener when washing anything that is waterproof. It has petroleum-derived ingredients that will strip away the waterproofing.


CautiousTeam3220 t1_j1rrr5o wrote

You can nut in the curtains without hesitation


thetrevorkian t1_j1s0ptg wrote

Yea it made me think of that Tom segura joke about disrespecting hotel rooms! Lol


xlmarinexl t1_j1qkssy wrote

Bc I’m paying for it. The room and the sex that is. 😉


SaltoDaKid t1_j1s11tz wrote

Can leave anytime, where at home my wife want cuddle and talk about nonsense like why am I always leaving late at night


SMOKIN_0AKEE t1_j1qbhgi wrote

We have a house full of kids. So it let's us relax and be loud. She doesn't worry about kids hearing or knocking on the door etc.


sycron17 t1_j1qchlm wrote

Told my wife, if they catch us (hopefully never) we will act like we playing Football and call formations.


SMOKIN_0AKEE t1_j1qdaiw wrote

I told her they'll learn to stay in bed.


LadenifferJadaniston t1_j1qqq0c wrote

Please do take precautions, this can be very traumatic for children to witness


useless292 t1_j1rflou wrote

This is why I'd have my wife have sex with her boyfriend at a hotel. More peaceful nights and sleeping hours for me.


yParticle t1_j1oiyso wrote


FakeNamePleaseIgnore t1_j1ojrc4 wrote

Anyone else get redirected to a different subreddit every time?


PotatoWithAVendetta t1_j1ow8pr wrote

yeah what’s up with that


young_morpheus t1_j1ozjrh wrote

It’s r/random


AttackCircus t1_j1qzmim wrote

The only dirty thing at home is the kitchen


Plenty_Rule968 t1_j1qd911 wrote

A hotel room is more cozy for having long night sex


howyadoons t1_j1ri0bm wrote

Bc you can jizz everywhere and anywhere without a care in the world


Logical-Schedule2371 t1_j1r45jb wrote

Because my neighbors won't call the cops from me being loud and getting choked. Married men sometimes don't know how to rail their wife nicely


isa_bellinhazuzu t1_j1rq0ui wrote

Idk but here in Brazil we have one kind of hotel specifically for sex. You pay to stay the night, the room have all the equipments, it's really cool hahaha


Street-Week6744 t1_j1r8ibv wrote

Punchline also works for why the beer at the bar goes down so much better


ChickenKickin t1_j1rncxr wrote

Almost feels like you're in public


slibetah t1_j1r1prf wrote

Cuz the ho never tells


TigerUppercut08 t1_j1qvbz9 wrote

You don't have to clean up the mess


Dany_HH t1_j1rbfpa wrote

Why us everyone here giving actual answers? It was a joke...


biglarry1954 t1_j1rmvoo wrote

When you are Fucking Another Man’s wife the best


Spence1239 t1_j1qlddh wrote

Spouse isn’t there…that was gonna be my answer.


VivaLasVegasGuy t1_j1rr8v3 wrote

Because it feels "Dirty" that you are doing something forbidden. Where you could roleplay about picking up a stranger and having a wild time with them


jdj77777 t1_j1rsqr9 wrote

Because you fuck shit up and not clean it up


Insanityisnotcrazy t1_j1s5zt6 wrote

It works best only if the hotel room has an hourly rate.


Clutch_Floyd t1_j1sf3ng wrote

Endless supply of fresh towels to clean up.


Tola76 t1_j1sg5va wrote

It’s the whores of mattress past.


ReasonablePanda3 t1_j1shu9l wrote

Because when it's over, the hooker leaves and the food delivery arrives.


utku1989 t1_j1slf3g wrote

Staying hotel make you both feel like a boss . You know others prepared the room , they will clean after whatever you do.


tipseep t1_j1sn5bq wrote

Because it’s with my mom


tdfhucvh t1_j1twsvu wrote

This is the weirdest weirdest weirdest thread in the world. The yuckiest folks have all come together. Didn’t know the sub for that would be r/jokes


FeeDisastrous3879 t1_j1sbhis wrote

All the spunk and gushing covered comforters and headboards contain pheromones that heighten the experience


Zeezie_ t1_j1rcns8 wrote

Stolen from Jimmy Carr


Brewer1056 OP t1_j1rksyp wrote

For fuck's sake. I didn't claim to write it. A buddy told me a few jokes the other day, I thought they were funny and posted them. Turns out my buddy did indeed see a Jimmy Carr special and then told me the jokes. I don't think "stolen" means what you think it does.

Dear Jimmy Car- you're jokes are funny as shit, and people ar retelling them. Hopefully that makes you happy!


Zeezie_ t1_j1rokcr wrote

It appears I hit a nerve lol. I didn't mean to sound like a cunt, I was just pointing out that it was a joke from Jimmy Carr


Fortapistone t1_j1psoge wrote

Maybe you should buy a new bed? But new environment is also exciting, that's why.