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8urfiat t1_j0jhzco wrote

They all skipped out and left the bill for Judas.

"Where am I going to get 30 pieces of silver"


JJohnston015 t1_j0jpoaz wrote

Fun fact: the original version got mistranslated. It wasn't "walked on water", it was "walked on waiter".


Velvet_Pop t1_j0kfm3n wrote

"...Wait a second, he took all our fish too!"


ReasonableArgument65 t1_j0kp4rb wrote

If Jesus could make wine out of water maybe he was walking on wine so he was just drunk going home...


tigellebotongum90 t1_j0mxs37 wrote

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.

So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it.Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast.
“Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”


HelixViewer t1_j0k1o0r wrote

He was the treasurer. He had all the money.


BigBradWolf07 t1_j0l59fh wrote

I wonder where he could've gotten exactly 30 pieces of silver..?


________________me t1_j0j3xl9 wrote

Table for 24 please


DeplorableKurt t1_j0jawue wrote

hahaha all sitting one way would be preferred


Simonandgarthsuncle t1_j0knyxb wrote

Is that a Mitch Hedberg joke? I thought he said something along these lines but can’t find it.


Actual_Hyena3394 t1_j0jkk9l wrote

You have to give them credit though. Their dinner photo game was fire. Food displayed on the table and the people are all in the photo. The dinner table photos nowadays are basically a big table in the middle with everyone around craning their necks and most of the time there is at least one head missing.


________________me t1_j0l05hg wrote

Who picked up the check tho?

Or did they split?

'I had only water'

'Not, it was wine!'


Initial_E t1_j0k1dm9 wrote



UbuntuElphie t1_j0lj61r wrote

No, 24.

JC & the Gang of 12 = 13 - 2 (for the guys sitting at either end) = 11 × 2 (for those sitting on the one side) = 22 + 2 (for the dudes at the ends) = "Table for 24, please."

Even Da Vinci got 11 along the length (


ikilledsupermario t1_j0lvkh4 wrote

JC and the Gang.
That’s funny as hell!
I dunno when, but I’m gonna use that!


Terrin369 t1_j0k2e8g wrote

Because they were only using one side of the table. 13 people on one side. Jesus and 12 apostles.


RoverBoyNumber6 t1_j0meva7 wrote

Everybody want to be in the picture? Move to the other side of the table!


pidgerii t1_j0j8rgz wrote

Judas, something tells me if I attend I will be very cross afterwards


SirJudasIscariot t1_j0jryyb wrote

You will be very sore and have quite the headache, but don’t worry, our Roman buddies will put you up for the night.


GormlessFuck t1_j0jyn6o wrote

What's this (puts out hands like being crucified)?

A real cunt of a way to spend Easter!


_dantastic t1_j0kp8yb wrote

Jesus: "Water for everyone!"

Waiter: "May I see your ID?"


Jasole37 t1_j0jyitd wrote

And Jesus spake unto his apostles

"Hey guys, what do you want to do for lunch?"


alldaywatcher t1_j0khbdb wrote

If there was a last one there must have been a one before that, so this, is the "Penultimate Supper"!


sarcastic_chandler t1_j0knv8o wrote

Are we friends IRL??


alldaywatcher t1_j0luj4w wrote

Look! The last supper is a significant event in the life of our Lord, the penultimate supper was not! Even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band.


formykka t1_j0jzp1a wrote

"I wouldn't miss it if it was my last day on earth."


TomoyoHoshijiro t1_j0lmufd wrote

Tonight we feast. Tomorrow Judas is taking me to see Nine Inch Nails.


pjbarnes t1_j0lju0x wrote

According to Scripture, Jesus already knew this was coming.

But this is still funny!


Samakira t1_j0necjw wrote

and the 'last supper' was the feast for when they left Egypt, hence why it was a celebration of sorts. it also holds symbolism in that the supper eaten for leaving Egypt was when they 'left their captors', and the last supper was the supper eaten before Believers 'left their captor' (sin), in both cases being guided by God, albeit in the OT, a more literal guide.


01kickassius10 t1_j0kvkvt wrote

Jesus saw his apostles eating Chinese takeout and asked where they got it from.

Peter replied: “apparently Judas has come into some money”


Luked0g44O t1_j0nm75k wrote

Jesus walks into a motel office, drops three nails onto the counter, and asks the manager, “Can you put me up for the night?”


ran_melolo t1_j0mj8ek wrote

Judas just equals Tim Minchin for me now


screamloudly t1_j0n8bf5 wrote

“Hey redditors, are you coming to the next repost?”

“The what?”

“The post, are you coming to the post?”


vietfromvietnam t1_j0u8itd wrote

Jesus: hey judas does Satan have a bbc? Sly grin.....


JoshTay t1_j0km3md wrote

Me thinks thou art a season early.


heyandy1 t1_j0k0ox0 wrote

I'll be coming if Mary's going.


Lucymygirl t1_j0k8opk wrote

Don’t appreciate. Keep scrolling


Steady-Nutty t1_j0llbuq wrote

Even though you decided to comment instead of scrolling.


Handsome_nhung t1_j0k83kw wrote

This isn’t funny, this is stupid as fuck.


Shock-Robin t1_j0l30sa wrote

Even as a devout Christian, I think it's hilarious.