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marco-polo-123 t1_j1k810x wrote

It may not be 12 inches, but it sure smells like a foot

Thanks for the upvotes everyone, as well as the award. Let's all try and enjoy the 12 inches, I mean days of Christmas 😅


MailOrderDog t1_j1kkpcc wrote

If you can't gag her with the size, gag her with the smell!


amerkanische_Frosch t1_j1mluwc wrote

Fellow picks up a girl in a bar, takes her home, they kiss, they make out, and one thing leads to another and there they are, in bed, naked.

After some exciting foreplay, the fellow is about to consummate the deed, when the girl moans: "your toe, I want your toe!"

"EH?" the fellow responds.

"Your TOE", screams the girl, "TAKE ME WITH YOUR BIG TOE!"

Ever the gentlemen, the fellow complies.

A couple of days later, the fellow calls the girl on the phone.

"Err...I don't quite know how to tell you this, but I've been diagnosed with syphilis of the big toe."

The girl screams into the phone:

"You think THAT's something? I have ATHLETE'S CUNT!"


BadExamp13 t1_j1mjkcc wrote

I've got 12 inches...

... Of snow in my yard.


PowerandSignal t1_j1mw0c5 wrote

I see. How did you measure?


Jill_Schitt t1_j1n469p wrote

He dug a person-sized hole in the snow until he hit the ground, laid down on the ground, unzipped his fly, and saw that the snow was 3x the length of his erect cock.


32lib t1_j1nwqks wrote

Measured in cm,called it inches.


MGM2112 t1_j1m29tt wrote

Omg. Thank you for the HUGE Christmas laugh.😅🤣😂


tyrone_mcpipe t1_j1md2gx wrote

I damn near rolled off the couch wheezing. Thank you for the laugh, kind internet stranger.


treev22 t1_j1n66i1 wrote

I heard most of the world goes by the scent-o-meter…


My_Balls_Itch_123 t1_j1na48g wrote

There's 12 inches of global warming right outside my door that I'm going to have to shovel away.


lililukea t1_j1nbwfy wrote

Dammit, if I had the money to award this comment


LegFootGamer t1_j1l9ibx wrote

I can run faster than light. This is due to the fact that light can’t run.


ikilledsupermario t1_j1mcipu wrote

I can jump higher than a house….
Because houses can’t jump.


jonitfcfan t1_j1mep9l wrote

I can lift more than 100 boulders...

...because boulders don't lift things


djlarue46 t1_j1kse1g wrote

If you thrust 6 times with 2 inches, you gave her a foot.


LeatherDude t1_j1mgsto wrote

She said gimme 12 inches and hurt me, so I fucked her 3 times and hit her with a brick


Oeamus t1_j1o0ttm wrote

Unfortunately I can only pump twice before coming


[deleted] t1_j1kopyb wrote

Those yearly baths paid off for you


bestofwhatsleft t1_j1k4ot8 wrote

It's small, but it smells big


Frag_Owt t1_j1krusm wrote

It ain’t long, but it sure is skinny!


Maleficent-Ad-2216 t1_j1ketpa wrote

Oh its probably this handkerchief i spilled chloroform on smell it and see 😈


willowgrl t1_j1l3pi7 wrote

It’s less threatening if you call it nap time spray


purifiedbyfire1 t1_j1lg5wy wrote

I totally forgot about this vid!! So many what the fuck moments!! Hahahahaha Dude in the recliner just halls off and punches his ol lady right in the gut!! Hahahahahahahaha


Robotboogeyman t1_j1lf8f5 wrote

I started wearing this new cologne, ever since women just can not say no to me. It’s called “chloroform” 😂


size12jon t1_j1licmv wrote

I was on a date and she said “your scent is amazing what is it?” I said “I’m wearing come to me” She said it don’t smell like come to her!


Sonny-Moone-8888 t1_j1ljgg2 wrote

She's a pro. Like certain things may cost extra kind of pro.


frenchy714 t1_j1kg1v4 wrote

Smells like deez nuts.


Chevy530 t1_j1mlemi wrote

Hahahah these comments are funny AF. Thanks for the Laughs I needed them today. That is all, Merry Christmas you Filthy animals.


golf4days t1_j1mz76j wrote

If I’m gonna be impotent I’m gonna dress impotent.


Sir_Clicks_a_Lot t1_j1naw2h wrote

A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.


Kinglouie92 t1_j1m8e7s wrote

Original sounds better from the movie 3 Strikes “I got on your favorite cologne!” “What’s that?” “Hard on! Didn’t know you could smell it did you? “ As he stands there in his boxers lmao


eunoeua t1_j1mf1cv wrote

I was on a date and she said "You look nice, what are you wearing?"

I replied, "Oh, just my invisible cologne. It's called 'Eau de Confidence.'"


modsarebrainstems t1_j1mfucl wrote

You've got 12 inches? I only promise 12 inches on an installment plan.


Photograph_Fluffy t1_j1msm2l wrote

My dick will make you gag, it's not the size but the smell


automaddux t1_j1mzfa6 wrote

Worked with two guys and this was the joke they played on new guys. First guy acts like a hard ass towards second guy to make new guy think they’re not friends. 1st guy tells new guy that 2nd guy smells good. Keeps up the joke all day. Finally tells new guy “hey go ask 2nd guy what he’s got in that smells so good.”

Proceed with punchline of the joke.

Also works anytime a guy notices your cologne and you’re around the boys.


No-Advertising936 t1_j1l4lc4 wrote

My dick isn’t that big, but I love every foot of it.


AlGunner t1_j1lgcfy wrote

I once had a colleague say I smelled nice and asked if I was wearing an eau de cologne.

I replied no, it odour body.

This is true.


Disarray215 t1_j1lgrqn wrote

I have a 12 inch penis…around. Think about it!


the_gay_bogan_wanabe t1_j1lm9vx wrote

It a new perfume called 'Come to me!'..

It doesn't smell like come to me!


wthreye t1_j1lys87 wrote

Heard a gal ask a guy this and his reply when I was walking out of a Busch race at Bristol, years ago. I laughed my ass off.


no-thyme-4u t1_j1lyw2f wrote

Fucking dank ass weed momma


bpc4209 t1_j1m31qo wrote

The ashes of my dead relatives. -Kratos


jeffashcraft t1_j1m87gx wrote

“It’s called ‘Come to Me’ —- does it smell like cum to you”?


Significant-Two-4888 t1_j1m9ua0 wrote

I heard that one while stationed at Dyess afb in the early 70s.


Doug6388 t1_j1mb7oh wrote

I've only got two inches, but some girls like it that wide.


tylodon t1_j1mdzn0 wrote

Um, I cooked bacon this morning and haven't showered...


Sfumatographer t1_j1mf9f4 wrote

Made me laugh really hard (pun)!! Thanks


inkBot05 t1_j1mfjee wrote

White Castle farts.


redradio87 t1_j1mu06w wrote

It’s like in Archer ‘Did Pam just have an erection in here?’


svh01973 t1_j1nk27w wrote

My father was fond of saying this when women commented on his cologne!


jaildoc t1_j1nl5e8 wrote

I heard this joke in high school. In 1960.


THEONLYFLO t1_j1nntc8 wrote

Usually smell like really expensive wood