Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu...

Submitted by mykeuk t3_zzv5sw in Jokes

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analysing this paint residue, it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by cars.

Ornithological Behaviourists wondered if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills. They quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry".

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Buck_Thorn t1_j2ds756 wrote

> on the A251 just outside Ashford

That is an awfully specific setup.

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ChiefScout_2000 t1_j2eibqv wrote

If he had said Hwy 401 or I75 then the crow would have to not shout "Truck"

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LeFondonn t1_j2ey3yp wrote

You've been hit by

You've been struck by

Truck!

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mykeuk OP t1_j2dscv7 wrote

“… just 5 minutes from the delightful service station and bus stop…”

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ADarkDraconis t1_j2eq8d9 wrote

This is the TopGear secret bird testing facility.

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djseifer t1_j2f4frm wrote

Some say he only knows two facts about crows, and they're both wrong.

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HeadMembership t1_j2f54qr wrote

The original joke is a road near Boston, where the accent is known and the joke makes sense.

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adviceKiwi t1_j2fcuo4 wrote

If they were pigs, they would have treated them with some oinkment

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Jurisprudy t1_j2fbgbu wrote

Could be because Ashford is always heavily impacted by Op Stack. I’d love it if that were the reason, so wonderfully specific and accurate for no reason

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Candan55 t1_j2ezv8e wrote

I mean, why not just call it the Faversham Road?

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Wolkenbaer t1_j2fp616 wrote

And I didn't realize for a second that I was looking for something from r/jokes and it briefly crossed my mind that 2023 would start again with a very interesting setting.

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daringlyMellow442 t1_j2dpy8d wrote

So I did not read what sub reddit this was and I thought this was a serious post and I thought, wow crow's are so smart (though they actually are) but then I got to the end and I just fucking died hahaha

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master-virus t1_j2dqg7k wrote

Mom said the cats died of flu.

I said oh no.

She said sorry love it flu under bus

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Imposseeblip t1_j2ekj3z wrote

I did too lol. Was plausible because I live in the area lol.

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TooShiftyForYou t1_j2e9ber wrote

Police Chief: "What happened to this group of crows?"

Investigator: "It was a murder."

Police Chief: "Right, what happened to this murder of crows?"

Investigator: "It was a murder."

Police Chief: "Are you sure?"

Investigator: "We have probable cahs."

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nittanylns t1_j2dtjk8 wrote

I always heard the American version and the crows were found near Boston.

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UnnecessaryAppeal t1_j2f32wi wrote

Boston, like most English accents, is non-rhotic

(We don't pronounce the "r" at the end of words in the UK either)

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BSwollocks t1_j2fpdun wrote

Depends on the region really.

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ugotamesij t1_j2fuxdw wrote

People in the Ashford area would not really pronounce "car" like "cah".

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david4069 t1_j2exzv1 wrote

And they couldn't say "truck".

Edit: Not sure why the downvote, but in the American versions I've heard, the crows say "car" with a Boston accent, and the punchline goes: They discovered that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."

That's what I was trying to add to the post I replied to, since the word "lorry" isn't really used here.

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Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_j2eu84j wrote

Boshton...

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31spiders t1_j2ew1z8 wrote

Bahstahn

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Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_j2ewnww wrote

Lol... I'm a long ways from there... Couldn't remember the proper pronunciation...

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31spiders t1_j2eyrqh wrote

Well I’m in PA but….I do watch a lot of Mahkie Mahk movies…Ted is the best!

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Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_j2ez1fi wrote

I'm 30 hours from there... Lol

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31spiders t1_j2f7b3h wrote

Well at least you told me in hours not KM/MI

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Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_j2f9r2q wrote

Depends on how fast you drive I guess... Lol

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31spiders t1_j2fdmgt wrote

Nah that’s what we prefer. Philly and Pitt are about 3 hours from me, Harrisburg area is about an hour, Penn State is half hour, we measure everything that way.

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Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_j2ffxe9 wrote

Yeah, Lewisburg's not a bad area to live in. I have some friends who come from Allentown. Broke down there once driving otr...

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31spiders t1_j2fitzp wrote

Close, LewisTOWN area is where I’m from. It’s kinda a shithole if you didn’t know. Kinda big Heroin town, we’ve had a few shootings this year, about a week ago some guy “allegedly” shot his girlfriend in the face after work and dumped her body by a boat access area. It’s semi isolated though a SMALL section of town is ghetto w slum lords owning basically everything. That’s where Shootings are happening for the most part. Stay out when it’s dark kinda thing…..but for the size of our town? That shouldn’t be a thing

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Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_j2fk81h wrote

Sorry about misspelling...I haven't been to that area since 2005. I didn't live there, just passed thru. I didn't recall the towns size... Hopefully you've made it out safely...

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31spiders t1_j2fpdi4 wrote

Oh no there’s a LewisBERG too it’s over by Danville

I’m still in that county just a different “town” of it. Honestly we need a few raids. Police mostly know where things are they just CANT do anything about it cause no one is reporting it or whatever (no reason to investigate).

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Clean-Promotion-8250 t1_j2fd5iw wrote

Warshington

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Prostheta t1_j2et3of wrote

Two crows on a branch.

One says, "Caw caw!"
The other says, "repost I was going to say that!"

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kyttan1 t1_j2eoeld wrote

I originally read bird flu as Irn Bru and now I'm just imagining a bunch of wee Scottish birds having a drink 😂

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flurbius t1_j2f15mf wrote

What kind of sad alcoholic are you? (sorry I though IRN BRU must have been alcoholic)

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Fern-Sken t1_j2fbwtj wrote

I'm gonna change it to a truck and tell this tonight at a party

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mykeuk OP t1_j2fjkoy wrote

If you get laid because of it you can thank me later!

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Standard-Reception90 t1_j2eo6i2 wrote

Mother Fu#^@%.

I read this not realizing it was r/jokes. I was very interested in why they died....

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Amasterclass t1_j2eomll wrote

I really need to start reading the sub better. Do this all the time with the r/nosleep sub too

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Significant-Corgi-62 t1_j2fkjrp wrote

I'm sorry to admit this, but I am taking this joke. It will be the annoying joke that when my kids hear it, it will end with "ugh dad, no that joke again". Thank you

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mykeuk OP t1_j2fosmn wrote

Use it wisely, fellow dad!

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coalgang89 t1_j2fn8bw wrote

I love this joke and I usually make it last for about 5 minutes with extra storytelling. It gets them hook line and sinker. Someone punched me in the face once after I finished telling it 😂

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GreenrabbE99 t1_j2eoxsy wrote

Did they also find dead crows near the main actor from Dr House for the exact same reason?

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Jellodyne t1_j2ey9qt wrote

He could just start hewing them left and right

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Shaomoki t1_j2ez5ml wrote

I've read this entire joke before, but the setup takes place in Boston, because Boston accented crows pronounce Car as Cah and keep getting hit.

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adviceKiwi t1_j2fcp0i wrote

That's a terrible Dad joke!

Upvote plus 1

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purduephotog t1_j2fivhr wrote

Taake..... myyy ... uppvvooottee.... sigh.

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tumbleweed1986 t1_j2f3p3b wrote

Interesting approach to the demise of a literal "murder" if crows. I definitely expected this to go that way

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Grouchy-Engine1584 t1_j2f8818 wrote

This story reminds me of my uncle Joe whose last words were “a truck!”

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ZellZoy t1_j2fc7fj wrote

It's funny because crows are actually better at speaking than parrots are

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Reble77 t1_j2fncqg wrote

Aye it was Mur Der can ya no tell

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Rossum81 t1_j2f1bh6 wrote

Would also work on the Mass Pike.

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hyperYEET99 t1_j2feonl wrote

I read ‘crow’ as ‘cow’ at first and I was extremely confused why cows get bird flu lol

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kuhnto t1_j2fkv68 wrote

I skimmed this and though it said "dead COWS" and then bird flu... and was like oh S**T thats not a good viral jump!!

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sleepydaimyo t1_j2fl99y wrote

Atleast it wasn't..... a murder!

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kypd t1_j2flrp7 wrote

Regionalized for the Southeastern U.S.

Georgia State Police found a large number of dead crows on I-285 just outside Atlanta yesterday morning. There was concern they may have died from Bird Flu.

US Fish and Wildlife Officials examined the remains of the crows and confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from striking vehicles. Officials noted varying paint colors on the bird's beaks.

Officials found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with tractor-trailers, while only 2% were killed by cars.

Officials wondered if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of tractor-trailer kills versus car kills.

US Fish and Wildlife concluded that when crows eat road kill they always have a lookout crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "semi truck".

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The_Bogan_Blacksmith t1_j2fv7k4 wrote

Yeah,a "bird flu" infront of a truck tht then crashed into them.......

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Derpygoras t1_j2ex94o wrote

Sure it was not just a mass murder?

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JimmyHavok t1_j2exv8m wrote

Wahks fah Bahstahn too.

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Lycaeides13 t1_j2ey69m wrote

I've seen the same joke based around Boston

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AbradolfLinckler t1_j2f0uen wrote

I heard this joke made with locations in Massachusetts, USA because of their accents.

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laugh_at_this_user t1_j2fi66i wrote

I thought the punchline was going to be something about a murder (group of crows).

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happyrock t1_j2fiulg wrote

This is one of my favorite jokes but it really does work better in the US with boston as the location because the way they pronouce car relative to most of us is a nested punch.

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FluffofDoom t1_j2efapt wrote

Why so specific? I feel like I need to go check.

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MathyB t1_j2ezbir wrote

Ackshually, crows, like ravens, can talk, so they could say "Lorry".

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[deleted] t1_j2fanyo wrote

This is a long joke for a weak punchline

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[deleted] t1_j2e04sf wrote

[removed]

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CDude78 t1_j2ecukv wrote

Nobody appreciates your aggression or hate for this post, so don't share, thanks. Just don't read it if you think you've found it 'better' elsewhere.

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ILoveLongDogs t1_j2eiiih wrote

They expressed an opinion about a joke. If you believe that's "aggression and hate", I feel sorry for you. They weren't very nice about it, and I believe they're wrong, but this is still an extreme reaction.

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UpsetAd3710 t1_j2ed3du wrote

Nobody appreciates that you're fine with jokes that are taken from the context required for the joke, which absolutely ruins it. If you don't like what I said, don't read it. Go sit on a long pole and spin.

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