Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu...

Submitted by mykeuk t3_zzv5sw in Jokes

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analysing this paint residue, it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by cars.

Ornithological Behaviourists wondered if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills. They quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry".

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daringlyMellow442 t1_j2dpy8d wrote

So I did not read what sub reddit this was and I thought this was a serious post and I thought, wow crow's are so smart (though they actually are) but then I got to the end and I just fucking died hahaha

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Buck_Thorn t1_j2ds756 wrote

> on the A251 just outside Ashford

That is an awfully specific setup.

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nittanylns t1_j2dtjk8 wrote

I always heard the American version and the crows were found near Boston.

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TooShiftyForYou t1_j2e9ber wrote

Police Chief: "What happened to this group of crows?"

Investigator: "It was a murder."

Police Chief: "Right, what happened to this murder of crows?"

Investigator: "It was a murder."

Police Chief: "Are you sure?"

Investigator: "We have probable cahs."

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UpsetAd3710 t1_j2ed3du wrote

Replying to CDude78 (#1,234,083)

Nobody appreciates that you're fine with jokes that are taken from the context required for the joke, which absolutely ruins it. If you don't like what I said, don't read it. Go sit on a long pole and spin.

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FluffofDoom t1_j2efapt wrote

Why so specific? I feel like I need to go check.

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ILoveLongDogs t1_j2eiiih wrote

Replying to CDude78 (#1,234,083)

They expressed an opinion about a joke. If you believe that's "aggression and hate", I feel sorry for you. They weren't very nice about it, and I believe they're wrong, but this is still an extreme reaction.

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Standard-Reception90 t1_j2eo6i2 wrote

Mother Fu#^@%.

I read this not realizing it was r/jokes. I was very interested in why they died....

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kyttan1 t1_j2eoeld wrote

I originally read bird flu as Irn Bru and now I'm just imagining a bunch of wee Scottish birds having a drink 😂

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Amasterclass t1_j2eomll wrote

I really need to start reading the sub better. Do this all the time with the r/nosleep sub too

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GreenrabbE99 t1_j2eoxsy wrote

Did they also find dead crows near the main actor from Dr House for the exact same reason?

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Prostheta t1_j2et3of wrote

Two crows on a branch.

One says, "Caw caw!"
The other says, "repost I was going to say that!"

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Derpygoras t1_j2ex94o wrote

Sure it was not just a mass murder?

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david4069 t1_j2exzv1 wrote

Replying to nittanylns (#1,227,420)

And they couldn't say "truck".

Edit: Not sure why the downvote, but in the American versions I've heard, the crows say "car" with a Boston accent, and the punchline goes: They discovered that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."

That's what I was trying to add to the post I replied to, since the word "lorry" isn't really used here.

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Lycaeides13 t1_j2ey69m wrote

I've seen the same joke based around Boston

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Shaomoki t1_j2ez5ml wrote

I've read this entire joke before, but the setup takes place in Boston, because Boston accented crows pronounce Car as Cah and keep getting hit.

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MathyB t1_j2ezbir wrote

Ackshually, crows, like ravens, can talk, so they could say "Lorry".

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AbradolfLinckler t1_j2f0uen wrote

I heard this joke made with locations in Massachusetts, USA because of their accents.

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Rossum81 t1_j2f1bh6 wrote

Would also work on the Mass Pike.

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tumbleweed1986 t1_j2f3p3b wrote

Interesting approach to the demise of a literal "murder" if crows. I definitely expected this to go that way

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Grouchy-Engine1584 t1_j2f8818 wrote

This story reminds me of my uncle Joe whose last words were “a truck!”

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[deleted] t1_j2fanyo wrote

This is a long joke for a weak punchline

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Fern-Sken t1_j2fbwtj wrote

I'm gonna change it to a truck and tell this tonight at a party

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ZellZoy t1_j2fc7fj wrote

It's funny because crows are actually better at speaking than parrots are

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adviceKiwi t1_j2fcp0i wrote

That's a terrible Dad joke!

Upvote plus 1

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hyperYEET99 t1_j2feonl wrote

I read ‘crow’ as ‘cow’ at first and I was extremely confused why cows get bird flu lol

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laugh_at_this_user t1_j2fi66i wrote

I thought the punchline was going to be something about a murder (group of crows).

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31spiders t1_j2fitzp wrote

Replying to Cultural_Attitude_42 (#1,248,512)

Close, LewisTOWN area is where I’m from. It’s kinda a shithole if you didn’t know. Kinda big Heroin town, we’ve had a few shootings this year, about a week ago some guy “allegedly” shot his girlfriend in the face after work and dumped her body by a boat access area. It’s semi isolated though a SMALL section of town is ghetto w slum lords owning basically everything. That’s where Shootings are happening for the most part. Stay out when it’s dark kinda thing…..but for the size of our town? That shouldn’t be a thing

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happyrock t1_j2fiulg wrote

This is one of my favorite jokes but it really does work better in the US with boston as the location because the way they pronouce car relative to most of us is a nested punch.

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purduephotog t1_j2fivhr wrote

Taake..... myyy ... uppvvooottee.... sigh.

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Significant-Corgi-62 t1_j2fkjrp wrote

I'm sorry to admit this, but I am taking this joke. It will be the annoying joke that when my kids hear it, it will end with "ugh dad, no that joke again". Thank you

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kuhnto t1_j2fkv68 wrote

I skimmed this and though it said "dead COWS" and then bird flu... and was like oh S**T thats not a good viral jump!!

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kypd t1_j2flrp7 wrote

Regionalized for the Southeastern U.S.

Georgia State Police found a large number of dead crows on I-285 just outside Atlanta yesterday morning. There was concern they may have died from Bird Flu.

US Fish and Wildlife Officials examined the remains of the crows and confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from striking vehicles. Officials noted varying paint colors on the bird's beaks.

Officials found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with tractor-trailers, while only 2% were killed by cars.

Officials wondered if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of tractor-trailer kills versus car kills.

US Fish and Wildlife concluded that when crows eat road kill they always have a lookout crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "semi truck".

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coalgang89 t1_j2fn8bw wrote

I love this joke and I usually make it last for about 5 minutes with extra storytelling. It gets them hook line and sinker. Someone punched me in the face once after I finished telling it 😂

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Reble77 t1_j2fncqg wrote

Aye it was Mur Der can ya no tell

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31spiders t1_j2fpdi4 wrote

Replying to Cultural_Attitude_42 (#1,250,399)

Oh no there’s a LewisBERG too it’s over by Danville

I’m still in that county just a different “town” of it. Honestly we need a few raids. Police mostly know where things are they just CANT do anything about it cause no one is reporting it or whatever (no reason to investigate).

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