Submitted by SchwarzeHaufen t3_zz8wno in Jokes

Saint Peter asks 'Where were you born?'
The man thinks for a moment and says 'Austria-Hungary, Lemberg.'
'Where did you go to school?'
'Poland, Lwow.'
'Where were you married?'
'The Ukrainian S.S.R., Lviv.'
Surprised, Saint Peter asks 'Where was your first child born?'
'In the German Reich.'
'And where did you die?'
'At home in Lvov, in the Soviet Union.'
Astonished, Saint Peter shouts 'My, you moved around a lot!'
'What are you talking about? I never left the city!'



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TooShiftyForYou t1_j2b4qxr wrote

A CIA agent is sent on an undercover spy mission to Moscow under Soviet rule.

He visits a grocery store and notes in his diary, "There is no food."

He then visits a clothing store and notes in his diary, "There are no shoes."

As he's leaving the store a KGB agent stops him outside. The KGB agent says, "You know just a few years ago we would have shot you for this kind of activity."

The CIA agent notes in his diary, "There are no bullets."


Moldy_slug t1_j2cte73 wrote

An old lady gets on the bus on a cold winter day. "Thank God," she says to the driver, "I thought I was going to miss the last bus and be stuck out in the snow!"

The driver shushes her and says, "You can't say 'thank god' these days, you'll get in trouble. If you must say something, thank Comrade Stalin."

"Oh, I see," says the old woman. "But... what if something awful should happen and Comrade Stalin dies? What do I say then?"

"If Comrade Stalin dies, then you may thank God."


Narrheim t1_j2d7ubx wrote

And as the bus stopped at the next stop, driver got missing...


Snorc t1_j2dw3ay wrote

He actually just went into hiding. Disguised as a nun.


Narrheim t1_j2e4zmb wrote

Unfortunately, the mother superior was a KGB agent too...


dwbaz01 t1_j2f5ojc wrote

In Soviet Russia, everyone is KGB.


Oo__II__oO t1_j2ekrg0 wrote

Coroner's report: Fell four stories to his death, from bus window


zoombazoo t1_j2ek8o7 wrote

Did he get fucked up the ass by a man dressed as god?


7_overpowered_clox t1_j2bf6xa wrote

This could totally happen in a comedy movie


biowrath156 t1_j2bfuf9 wrote

If they ever did a sequel to Get Smart, this would 100% be part of it


theprofessa808 t1_j2bql4j wrote

I like this version better than the one I usually see on this sub


Shot-Spray5935 t1_j2d5cdz wrote

We could easily spot that American spy. A native Soviet man didn't have to go to the store to find out the shelves were empty. Only spies would show up at the store for no reason.


Neat-Winter454 t1_j2dzpoa wrote

Actually, my uncles told me stories about how you'd have to buy almost everything from under the counter. Even just to buy a pair of jeans you'd need to ask a friend's friend who knew a guy who had a friend who knew a smuggler who got new stock from Western Germany.


theOneAndOnly_28 t1_j2e8ucc wrote

Yeah, my grandfather tells stories of how long he stood in line for furniture for their living room, because there would only be a couple of sets arriving and he didn't have the connections to get it directly from the guy working there


DaEnderAssassin t1_j2cma7t wrote

If the CIA knew any if that, the cold war would have ended quite quickly.


AtomicBlastCandy t1_j2d2bix wrote

If they did they likely wouldn’t do much imho cause during the Cold War they had open authority to do anything they wanted. Don’t like a countries leader, just install someone that will pay you? Want more money, then just deal drugs to get it? It wasn’t as if the President or Congress had the balls to ever stop them.


Malvastor t1_j2ebe72 wrote

The best part of any joke about the Soviet Union is the offended tankies complaining about it.


Lord_Adi_Pogg t1_j2cimbz wrote

Did not get it


Dave3786 t1_j2cj3yq wrote

KGB officer tells spy in the past he would have been shot. CIA operative concludes the reason he wasn’t shot is because of a shortage of bullets.

It makes fun of all the shortages the USSR was known to suffer from.


littleg333 t1_j2e8b63 wrote

I'm keeping this, but I'm making it a journalist.


Marik-X-Bakura t1_j2e1bnx wrote

So the joke is just “Communism bad”, except the only evidence we have of that in the joke is an American saying so?


Malvastor t1_j2eaxm1 wrote

This is actually an altered version of a joke told by Russians during that time:

>Stalin is dead and things have begun to lighten up a bit relatively speaking.
>An old couple live in an apartment in Moscow and she sends him down to buy some meat for supper. After queueing for the obligatory three hours he gets to the counter and the woman says 'No more meat, meat finished'.
>He cracks and starts raving 'I fought in the Revolution, I fought for Lenin in the First World War and for Stalin in the Second World War and we are still in this shit?'
>One of the leather-jacketed brigade takes him on one side and says 'Look old man you know you can't talk like this. Just think, a few years ago you would have been shot for saying these things.'
>The old man trudges home. His wife seeing him empty-handed says 'Run out of meat again have they?'
>He says: 'It's worse than that, they've run out of bullets.'


letsgobranden0167 t1_j2earxi wrote

Well yes communism is bad every where it happens it always ends in mass death and starvation feel free to google it


Malvastor t1_j2ejnbi wrote

>communication is bad

Very true, this is why I never talk to people.


letsgobranden0167 t1_j2eqhpz wrote

Ha thanks for pointing that out 😂 but Ig communication can result in the same outcome


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2bry16 wrote

Weird, I wonder how the Soviets got into power without bullets.


wiseoldprogrammer t1_j2bul0w wrote

Lot of open windows on upper floors.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2bw0o4 wrote

You can depose an entire ruling class using only defenestration? I'm just pointing out that the premise of the joke, that a worker's state is somehow simultaneously so dangerous as to warrant an undercover visit from a three-letter-agency and so pathetic that they don't have food, clothes or bullets is pretty illogical.

If someone could explain how the contradiction works instead of just mindlessly downvoting, that'd be great.


chaosgirl93 t1_j2carti wrote

>that a worker's state is somehow simultaneously so dangerous as to warrant an undercover visit from a three-letter-agency and so pathetic that they don't have food, clothes or bullets

This is the "contradiction of the enemy" that fascists are known for - claiming that the enemy is both weak and strong. And capitalists have been doing it to socialists ever since socialism has existed as a codified economic system.


Express-Antelope5515 t1_j2e8krn wrote

You do realize that this is what happened, right? They did have constant shortages of everything except military supplies. They were internally weak, but externally strong. The USSR put a huge amount of their resources and manpower into industrialization and military production.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cbvb7 wrote

Yeah, no kidding, comrade! But try to point that out and people get upset.


Siegschranz t1_j2cdfv4 wrote

No kidding. It was pointed out to you in a joke format and you got upset.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cdwld wrote

Would you like to explain how Soviets are supposed to be both dangerous and pathetic? How does that work?


Siegschranz t1_j2ce304 wrote

As a joke it works well. And if you raise your eyes up some, you might see we're in a certain subreddit that's privy to jokes.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cffwa wrote

No, it doesn't, because it makes no sense. A 'joke' is funny because it points out some truism that the receiver of said joke hasn't realized before. Even a simple one, like, oh, pillows are like giant marshmallows! Hahaha! If you tell that one to a small child who hasn't heard it, they'll think it's the most hilarious thing because to them, it is. Jokes are meant to make us think, and learn. This is why children laugh constantly. There have been serious psychological studies on the purpose of humor and what it does to our brains.

A 'joke' that sets the scene by establishing a character as both pathetic and dangerous isn't particularly good because it's not based in reality.


Siegschranz t1_j2cfq9l wrote

Russia has proven to be extremely incompetent in warfare, which is a sign of severe weakness. But any country can likely target and kill and individual, which looks strong when you're in the country itself.

Hence the strong and weak imagery that was already explained to you and you agreed with.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cgaix wrote

Modern-day Russia is not actually the same thing as the Soviets who overthrew their oppressors in 1917, you know that, right?


PhilosophicalBeers t1_j2e9kfl wrote

Your premise on what makes a joke funny is only true for yourself and not universal. Many other people read the joke and found it funny. Most jokes are not based in reality. It seems you are having a strong reaction to something that is very personal to you and it’s preventing you from seeing that a joke can simultaneously be illogical and funny.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cdnro wrote



Siegschranz t1_j2cdvl0 wrote

Unless that post was self reflective, it doesn't make sense cause you weren't making a joke.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cfto1 wrote

No, see, that was about you, not understanding what it is you're criticizing.


Siegschranz t1_j2cg2rn wrote

I'm pretty sure it is about you not understanding a joke. Cause glorious Russia can't be described as weak or you'll find yourself falling out an 8th story window. I get it, you gotta look out for yourself.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cgsep wrote

Dude, I just explained to you that Russia and Soviets are not the same thing. Do some reading.


Siegschranz t1_j2ci0sd wrote

You belong in this sub cause you're a joke.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2ci2le wrote

Oooooh, good one. /s


Siegschranz t1_j2ci857 wrote

I'm just trying to keep you out of the windows.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cigtg wrote

I live on the ground floor, in the US. Try again.


Siegschranz t1_j2ciqj9 wrote

Oh thank God, so you're allowed to insult Putin and Russia, right?

Can you say Putin sucks dick for bus money, then walks home?


chaosgirl93 t1_j2ccj7r wrote

Well, hasn't been too long since the Cold War and a lot of the Anglosphere still mindlessly hates socialism because of the Red Scare.

Especially pointing out that capitalists do the same things to socialists that fascists do to their scapegoats. People really get upset when you compare capitalism to fascism, or imply that fascism is capitalism in decay.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cco2e wrote

Yeah, it makes their profit-loving brains melt. Oh well.


chaosgirl93 t1_j2ccsbk wrote

It sure does.

Although it can be fun in person. Watching the gears in a capitalist's brain slowly grind to a halt, is hilarious.


Spirited_Island-75 t1_j2cd5ay wrote

It really is sometimes! Mostly I just want good working-class people to understand how deeply they're being screwed, though. I hope to get the gears to turn the other way.


chaosgirl93 t1_j2cdpu1 wrote

Indeed. Confusing them can be fun but it's not useful, much better is to explain socialist ideas without the big scary words from the Cold War and get them to see how they're being screwed. Most of the time you're not dealing with an actual capitalist or a rank-and-file fascist, you're dealing with a good, decent working-class person who is brainwashed and getting screwed over, and it does no good to confuse them or try to debate circles around them when you might be able to get them to see through the programming if you avoid the words they've been programmed to hate.


RobinPage1987 t1_j2dcxam wrote

The danger comes from both what they have that we wish they didn't, and what they didn't have that both us and then wished they did. They had nuclear weapons, and it was understood that if the regime felt like we were going to attempt to depose them like we did Saddam Hussein, they would end the world. They didn't have food or clothes because they redirected all their resources to military buildups, thanks to the fucked up mentality that told them ending the world was a totally appropriate response to conflict with the West. Ironically this actually made them even more dangerous because then we were dealing with a massive inferiority complex of people who had nothing, and could never admit that they had nothing. Armed with nukes. If they had spent their resources on producing food and clothes for their people like a good workers state should, instead of planning to cause the apocalypse, they wouldn't have had the inferiority complex,


Malvastor t1_j2eb77g wrote

>a worker's state

You... you think the Soviet Union was a "worker's state"? Oh boy.


wizardofoddz t1_j2agolu wrote

I was in Ukraine and as a great Joseph Conrad fame was surprised to be told in Zhitomir that this was his hometown. "But," I said, "he's Polish." "This was Poland," they told me.


HelloJoeyJoeJoe t1_j2cvpi9 wrote

Damn, I had no clue. I thought he was British, through and through


Commercial_Living t1_j2d5b08 wrote

English wasn’t his mother tongue, yet he wrote his books in English. Fascinating fellow.


antoin3walk3r t1_j2ed68q wrote

He didn’t even learn English until his 20s then became one of the greatest writers of all time in english.


Shot-Spray5935 t1_j2d5hnm wrote

He never lived there really. He grew up in Kraków and his name is strongly associated with that city.


Bardez t1_j2dyr9y wrote

My grandfather was Polish. I have an aunt who is now claiming we're actually Ukrainian. I'm starting to get it.


hewhohasnoname257 t1_j2e7mqw wrote

My now deceased Polish grandmother's birth certificate had place of birth as Prussia.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2a4tta wrote

I am retelling an old joke, but it is one I have not heard in a while. If you know a better version, please post it.


Dramatic-Shallot-960 t1_j2ajubm wrote

Please update to died in Lviv, Ukraine. Unless they died over 31 years ago.


Simbertold t1_j2b29op wrote

At that point, they needed to be pretty old. It stopped being Lemberg in 1918, and was Lviv, UdSSR until 1991.

Though i guess 73 minimum is not that old, come to think of it.


utter_fade t1_j2biw8s wrote

That’s right. When it was part of the soviet union, it was called Lvov.


tdloader t1_j2a7tvj wrote

i may be a bit thick but i dont get it :-(


RelicBeckwelf t1_j2a8bav wrote

All those places are the same place, renamed as they were taken in wars/collapsed governments.


tdloader t1_j2a8l7j wrote

ahh not a geography major


sebblMUC t1_j2alxa1 wrote

This is basic school stuff. We had it three or four times in high school lol


Awesum51Merc t1_j2crpf1 wrote

Well, isn't this place a Geographical Oddity?.....


Ploppeldiplopp t1_j2e63se wrote

Naah. Look up how the borders in europe shifted over the last century, it's wild how many different governments some places (and people) saw.

One of my grandparents was born in a place that is now polish, but it changed hands between Poland and Germany (or Prussia way back when) so often it's just ridiculous imho.


Dexaan t1_j2dz5b3 wrote

I've heard the same joke, but using Saint Petersburg


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2a9b5l wrote

As the other gentleman pointed out, they are all the same place. The reason this is funny though, is that it is perfectly plausible. 1918, Lemberg became Lviv, then it became Lwow after the Poles firmly took it from the Ukranians a few years later, then it became Lvov/Lviv and part of the Ukrainian S.S.R. when the Soviet Union took half of Poland in 1939, and then it became part of the German Reich after Operation Barbarossa, and then it finally went back to the Soviet Union in 1945.

A man could be born in Austria-Hungary, start school in the West Ukrainian People's Republic, graduate in the First Polish Republic, get married in the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic, have a child in the German Reich, and die in the Soviet Union all without ever leaving his hometown... And statistically, quite a few likely did.


badpuffthaikitty t1_j2ahmy6 wrote

A few kilometres away from my town is a city named Kitchener. It was named New Berlin until WWI when it was renamed. Just outside it’s city limits is a village called Breslau. That name didn’t change after WWII.


gatsadojo t1_j2aw0am wrote

Just checked the map and you sure have some interesting town names around there. I got curious because the family on my father's side is from Breslau, i.e. the European one. Oh, it's Wroclaw in Polish I think. Well anyway, today I learned something new.


Komiksulo t1_j2ckm1c wrote

I think it was just Berlin, not New Berlin.

Apparently it was founded by Germans who got there before the British surveyors and their rectilinear plans did, so it was laid out in a more Central European fashion with streets coming together at odd angles. Which explains things like King St E, King St W, King St S, and King St N: all the same street end-to-end, but it runs in a rough horseshoe shape, most of which is neither east, west, south, or north. 🙂

Before the First World War, there were enough German-speakers there to support German-language newspapers and schools.

Fun Fact: the Lord Kitchener it was renamed after was the guy with the epic moustache on the first version of the “I want YOU!” recruiting poster.

Cite: went to Waterloo University. 🙂


gatsadojo t1_j2aw1dc wrote

Just checked the map and you sure have some interesting town names around there. I got curious because the family on my father's side is from Breslau, i.e. the European one. Oh, it's Wroclaw in Polish I think. Well anyway, today I learned something new.


badpuffthaikitty t1_j2b9veh wrote

Just outside New Hamburg is Punkeydoodles Corners. Yes, that is a real place. It is a nice drive visiting Paris, Washington, and London all within an afternoon.


Snoo_90160 t1_j2ac532 wrote

Tbf most of the population unfortunately did not last that long, they were Poles and were deported to Poland after 1945. And local Poles rebelled against Ukrainians not after few years but one day:


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2af2cw wrote

True. I was more thinking about it from the point of view of absolute numbers. In 1900 the city had a population of 159.877 (this is the closest census we have), meaning that if only 0,1% there made it to 1945, you would have a hundred and sixty who never left. This is assuming that the population remained relatively similar through the Great War.


Infernus-est-populus t1_j2bdqo0 wrote

Spouse’s dad is from Lviv; he would have loved this joke.

I remember going through my own dad’s things and came across some of his mother’s stuff. There was an old property deed that was written in German with an Austrian seal but for somewhere in Ukraine.


No-Entrepreneur6040 t1_j2bp8no wrote

My Mom was from Munkacs, Czechoslovakia. She even had a friend from the old days that always called her “Checki”. I decided to look up the current city and, sure enough, found out it’s located in… Ukraine! How it got there, I’ll never know!


OpheliaBloodstone t1_j2bteyt wrote

The places in Poland and Russia where my mother’s grandparents lived are in Ukraine now. It’s consuming everything. By 2123, there won’t be any other countries in Europe at all.


marjanoos t1_j2di02o wrote

Actually, Lwow was Polish city since 14th century so after WWI we regained our city as well as our independenty.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2dj7gq wrote

If you are claiming its conquest in 1349 as the start of it being a Polish city, then I think the same principle and standard ought to apply to all other ownership changes. It ceased being Polish with the First Partition of Poland, it ceased being Austrian with the collapse of the Empire and the proclamation of the various Ukrainian republics, and so on and so forth.

Otherwise, your comment is a rather pointless exercise in nationalism. One which invites tears, given the population exchanges that were conducted after the Second World War to avoid any further claims and troubles.


marjanoos t1_j2dlfnf wrote

I meant that it was Polish city for the most of the time in the history. Also in 1909 65% of citizens spoke Polish language. I agree that the same principle applies to all ownership changes, as Wroclaw was rarely in the borders of Poland and Szczecin even less. German roots are massive there. And its uncommon in Europe to get a city without a conquer. It’s all the history.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2dssz5 wrote

Ah, sorry. I misunderstood you there and thought this was something much worse. I was not looking forward to seeing this joke spark any sort of nationalist flag waving, as I could see that ending rather poorly for all involved.


8richie69 t1_j2ci3qy wrote

If the man lived long enough (past the breakup of the USSR) then he could be back to Ukraine to die.


Constant-Hawk42069 t1_j2es7x8 wrote

My understanding is it didn't change names after being taken over by the Nazis. Still a good joke though.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2f97ju wrote

Hence why it is simply said to be the German Reich at that point. Do recall, I did not make up this joke, it is a fairly old one.


Brycklayer t1_j2a8n2i wrote

I know the one with St. Petersburg, though obviously without all the country changes.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2a9lhz wrote

Oh, please share! My sister's grandparents live in Leningrad Oblast.


Brycklayer t1_j2ad3xi wrote

Basically it went:

Where were you born?

St. Petersburg

Where did you go to school?


Where were you married?


Where do you wish to live?

St. Petersburg


SargentSnorkel t1_j2bc6gp wrote

About 35 years ago I was in a cab and started talking to the driver. He told me a story about how he and his wife were born in the same house a couple of years apart. It was a different country by the time she was born. Austria or Czechoslovakia, can’t remember. His parents sold the house to her (future) parents and then moved to Brooklyn. Wife was born, then her family some years later also moved to Brooklyn, where the man met his future wife for the first time.


rfj t1_j2aj3zn wrote

The version I've heard is a man born in St. Petersburg, got his degree in Leningrad, and now lives in Petrograd. Then when asked where he'd like to live, he answers "St. Petersburg".

That version has the "and where would you like to live" punchline, but this version has the nice "multiple countries" feature. So I guess there's advantages for both?


[deleted] t1_j2bq52b wrote

The joke is that it's true. Great example is the city of Lviv, Ukraine.I looked it up in Wikipedia. It's historical affiliations (if not it's name) changed 11 times from 1256 to 1991. My great great grandmother was from somewhere in the area of Ukraine/Bellarus/Poland. It changed depending on what year my mother asked her when she was just a tot. Now I know why.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2cqxez wrote

My father's mother has a similar thing, but with her name. She kept localising it to fit in, so we are not actually sure what her birth name is anymore.


[deleted] t1_j2csb7k wrote

I understand. My great grandfather came in off the boat to Ellis island way back when. They changed the spelling of his name. Just enough. So that other relatives in the old country couldn't find him, supposedly. IDK. The story changes. My grandfather didn't know it until he needed a birth certificate - somehow something didn't match up.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2ct18t wrote

I actually have a joke about that:

So you remember uncle Shaun?

Big man, spoke with a heavy Austrian accent, constantly sloshed?

Well, he got his name when he was going through Ellis Island. You see, he had heard from his neighbour's wife that to succeed in America, you needed to have a good Anglo name like Cedric Wellington, so he had determined that he would change his name when he got there.

Standing in line, he started thinking of all the things he would do and all the things he would see, like visiting the Statue of Liberty! Oh, how nice that would be. But as he was doing this, he forgot to notice that he had come up to the immigration officer's desk.


Taken out of his day-dreaming, he got caught flat footed. Thinking desperately, he tried to remember the name he wanted and so to try to stall for time he blurted out. 'Ich habe es schon vergessen!'

And that is how he came by the name Shaun Fergusson.


Shammurammat t1_j2cwn82 wrote

Nice one, although to sound perfectly German you should either say "hab ich schon vergessen" or simply, "schon vergessen". The second one works better with the joke.


thermbug t1_j2c3hj1 wrote

Not quite the same but my dad grew up in Alsace Lorraine which had a similar history of jumping between France and Germany. He grew up near a street that had both Rue and Strasse in the name.


Shot-Spray5935 t1_j2d5rv1 wrote

I'm from Silesia and my family members fought in WWII on both sides. Fortunately different fronts so they didn't have to shoot each other. It was quite common here in fact. My grandfather fought in WWII on the Polish side was killed when Wehrmacht shelled their positions while his wife's uncle was a real Nazi. My poor grandma must have been confused.


rockypecheur t1_j2egc9c wrote

My French teacher was actually German. I would joke that I learned Alsatian ( funnier back when we used Alsatian in place of German Shepherd; like Freedom Fries)


Costanzaslife23 t1_j2c9wth wrote

I have ancestors who were born in the Ottoman Empire but emigrated to the USA from Greece. Same house.


jackass4224 t1_j2ca0p5 wrote

Never realized Saint Peter was so bad at geography. Or Russian history


lapsteelguitar t1_j2c4nwp wrote

I was born in St. Petersburg, went to school in Petrograd, lived & worked in Leningrad. I will die in St. Petersburg. All without moving.


Wal-Flower t1_j2dpumz wrote

My father in law resembles this joke.


TheSkewsMe t1_j2bsbpe wrote

The St. Peter Show promises to be like Bait Car on steroids.


jokerfest t1_j2cldb9 wrote

Istanbul was Constantinople


gargravarr2112 t1_j2cp4j0 wrote

Why did Constantinople get the works?

That's nobody's business but the Turks.


shuckster t1_j2edcmi wrote

Even Old New York was once New Amsterdam.

Why they changed it I can’t say.

People just liked it better that waaaaaaay.


jokerfest t1_j2f108q wrote

My friends and I used to see who could hold the "waaaaaaaaay" part longest. People turning blue in the face and gurgling 'weh'. Good times!


Forward-Ad-4954 t1_j2bjugy wrote

Andy Bader went to heaven and after telling who he was, was told he didn't belong there. I am not hier to get in. You have 15 minutten to evacuate the premises


bahblahblahblahblahh t1_j2bp6gd wrote

Interwar Period Poland, Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact, Operation Barbarossa, Re-Annexation of Eastern Interwar-Period Poland...


Xxmetaglint t1_j2c1isk wrote

I’m so fucking confused someone please explain.


Valgar_Gaming t1_j2c2z7v wrote

It’s all the same city. Lviv, Ukraine has at one point been considered part of all those countries.


TheJoyStickPlayer t1_j2cls7a wrote

Help me out here: I don't get the joke. I feel like its super funny, but I'm not understanding it


Helpful_Gas5073 t1_j2cy4vj wrote

Someone explain


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2czjbk wrote

All of the places mentioned are the same place. The city's name and country changed a lot during the first half of the Twentieth Century due to a lot of wars happening there. Lemberg, Lwow, Lviv, Lvov, and Lemberik are all different names for one city. There are in fact many more names for the city.


petethewizard t1_j2d7zbf wrote



SanguineSanguis t1_j2dapmg wrote

They're all the same city, but it was constantly being taken over by different countries.


shak1071 t1_j2diou9 wrote

I dont want to write them down - i want to give credit to PotUS.


pdthielen t1_j2dyv7p wrote

And native Americans thought they were the ones most affected by European aggression. The central Europeans might be the new champions


TNCNguy t1_j2eix6m wrote

My grandmother is like this. (My family is Palestinian). She was born in the city of Jerusalem, 1945. When she was born, it was part of the British Empire. In 1948, she was given Jordanian citizenship because the city was controlled by Jordan. In 1960, she moved to America and became a US citizen. In 1967, Israel took control of Jerusalem. My grandmother can not legally visit the place she was born! (Israel recently changed the law so no one with Palestinian or Jordanian citizenship can visit Israel). That’s right folks. America gives billions of dollars to Israel every year. But even if you are an American citizen and was BORN in Jerusalem, you can not visit Jerusalem


kindthoughts5 t1_j2eora5 wrote

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and Putin?

A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.


Captainmdnght t1_j2eppko wrote

An old one told to me by the former Moscow bureau chief for the New York Times:

Q: Why do Soviet police travel in 3s?

A: One to read, one to write, and one to watch the two dangerous intellectuals.


xander012 t1_j2f9m6c wrote

r/jokes, home of reposts that are funny jokes, and things that are not jokes. luckily we have the former :D


Sceadumor t1_j2d0q55 wrote

Saint Peter you say?

Swallow the Sun - With You Came the Whole of the World's Tears

Saint Peter Save me and send me down to hell For I will find her there Where moonlight catches her scarlet hair

Where she sings And black ravens circle above her In the burning air

Silence your heart before it tears you apart Keep your eyes on the distant thunder Unfold your wings against the dark

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves Arise, arise, arise Walk on your altar of sacrifice And let the blood run for her

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves My body left for the winter My eyes for the night

With you came the whole of the world's tears The space between the heartbeats Is where I felt you A small death each and every time

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves Arise, arise, arise Walk on your altar of sacrifice And let the blood run for her

I stand straight at the form of my faith To keep the last of my honour But my legs won't carry me anymore Paralysed before the eyes of a hunter I open up my veins for the parasites to come

Silence your heart before it tears you apart Keep your eyes on the distant thunder Unfold your wings against the dark

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves Arise, arise, arise Walk on your altar of sacrifice And let the blood run for her

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves My body left for the winter My eyes for the night

Saint Peter Save me and send me down to hell

Ignore my autism. Fucking love this song.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2d0vz5 wrote

I was not expecting that. What is the song about?


Sceadumor t1_j2d1o5q wrote

A man's wife passed away and his whole world is destroyed and he wants to follow her.

The Genre is either Funeral Doom or Death Doom


crazycakes329 t1_j2d6rof wrote

Oh, for a second there, I thought this was a Hitler joke.


SchwarzeHaufen OP t1_j2davql wrote

All right, for the life of me I can not figure out how you thought this was going to go. I am curious how you thought the joke ended.


crazycakes329 t1_j2db010 wrote

I am no historian, sir, but I'll take your word for it ;)


Majorzx3 t1_j2edkyl wrote

Where did the Ukrainian kid go after getting lost in the minefield? Everywhere.


DanTacoWizard t1_j2cf5tu wrote

There’s no way those places all existed in the same location. Refuse to believe it.


AutisticSuperpower t1_j2clyea wrote

Don't be ignorant.


DanTacoWizard t1_j2cmfxz wrote

It’s called sarcasm.


Soulessnight t1_j2cyzbm wrote

I think the word you’re thinking of is sarcasm. Unless your first comment was serious then that’s sad