Submitted by ThomasKatt t3_zyq8fy in Jokes
unsiker t1_j27borm wrote
I thought he forgave us for that...
was not that the whole point?
MattheqAC t1_j283a4z wrote
Yeah, but you can forgive someone and still enforce healthy boundaries
Victorious85 t1_j28q8u6 wrote
Plz explain that to my mom
babybiggfoot t1_j29alu5 wrote
Jesus himself can't do that
jordantask t1_j29ia8v wrote
He tries, and tries. He just can’t.
Poor guy. He can walk on water and feed 10000 people with 2 loaves of bread and a couple fish, but making that guy’s mom listen? Beyond him.
Victorious85 t1_j29lq76 wrote
As that guy... I gotta agree. Beyond jesus' capabilities.
IrishTerminator t1_j28jci2 wrote
Happy cake day
vartha t1_j281taj wrote
Weren't there even three hole points?
Kylynara t1_j296b8i wrote
Three nails. But one went through both feet, so 4 holes (eight of you count entry and exit separately) and one more where they stabbed him in the side to speed up the process.
NoremaCg t1_j297z8v wrote
New viral debate - is a crucifixion wound one hole or two?
AccidentalGirlToy t1_j2buyba wrote
Careful now - this is how churches split.
LonelyDinner t1_j298qpt wrote
Not to speed up. To check if he was alive or not. To speed up the process, they would break your legs so you can't stand up and you asphyxiate faster. But they didn't break his legs because when they stabbed him in the side with a spear, they saw he was already dead.
1TenDesigns t1_j29t3rv wrote
How does hanging from your hands cause you to asphyxiate?
Honest question btw. I've done lots of chin ups etc, don't recall breathing being difficult?
Gil-Gandel t1_j29w7f8 wrote
Sure, but you could stop when you were tired. Now figure that you can't let go, you can't grip with your hands, your arm muscles aren't taking weight in any kind of helpful manner, but you're being forced to stay in that pose in a dead hang all day (and all tomorrow if that's what it takes).
vartha t1_j2bqtzt wrote
I wonder if people in that situation would, if not offered any other choice, actually wish they had their legs broken.
Gil-Gandel t1_j2d2qh3 wrote
It wouldn't be surprising. Knowing you're not coming down off that thing alive, I guess you'd reach the just-get-this-over-with point after a while.
On this occasion I don't know that it was with any particular merciful intention -- just to get the execution over with before sundown, as there was a Jewish holy day coming up (and the calendar changes at sunset, not midnight).
vartha t1_j2dai1e wrote
That sounds like a plausible allegation. However, I was told, without being able to quote any sources, that breaking the victim's legs was in fact considered an act of mercy and relatives were happy to pay for that service.
vartha t1_j2dbapv wrote
ChatGPT more or less confirms you.
It is not clear where the idea that the relatives of someone who was crucified would pay for their legs to be broken as an act of mercy comes from. Crucifixion was a form of execution that was used in ancient Rome and other cultures for punishment and as a deterrent. It involved affixing the condemned person to a wooden cross or stake using nails or ropes and leaving them to die. There is no historical record of the relatives of crucified individuals paying for their legs to be broken as a mercy.
Leg breaking was not a standard practice in the execution of crucified individuals. However, it is possible that in some cases, the executioners may have broken the legs of those who were being crucified in order to hasten their deaths. This was done by striking the legs with a blunt object, such as a club, which would cause the person to suffocate more quickly. This practice is mentioned in the New Testament of the Bible, in the account of the Crucifixion of Jesus.
It is important to note that crucified individuals would often suffer a great deal of pain and suffering before they died. The process of being crucified could take several days, and those who were crucified were often left exposed to the elements and vulnerable to attack by animals and insects. It was a brutal and inhumane form of punishment, and there is no evidence to suggest that the relatives of those who were crucified would pay for their legs to be broken as an act of mercy.
myfirstacctwasbanned t1_j28rcrl wrote
No his father forgave us Jesus thinks we’re all dicks.
joshuapaulhenderson t1_j299xwb wrote
Comments like this is why I come to Reddit. I busted out laughing.
davesy69 t1_j28ufuy wrote
Who ate his chocolates?
jordantask t1_j29ihjw wrote
Pontius Pilate wiping chocolate off his face
Not me!
jethvader t1_j2ay8i9 wrote
I think you mean washing chocolate off his hands…
jordantask t1_j2az2il wrote
Pilate doesn’t use his hands for chocolate. He sticks his whole face in.
jethvader t1_j2b1mbx wrote
I was trying to make a cheeky reference to Matthew 27:24…
jordantask t1_j2b2d8n wrote
Yeah I know lol
CrashCalamity t1_j27rfkq wrote
I mean, he was a really nice guy
Scep_ti_x t1_j27vt2p wrote
Ornlu_Wolfjarl t1_j288pmk wrote
That's what the humans say anyway...
techy098 t1_j29o0sv wrote
He forgave us but who know he may have also forsaken us...
But for sure, if I has JC, I would not fucking deal with piece of shite called humans who want to worship me but say anything they don't like and they fucking nail me to the pole.....fucking assholes, I am going to skip your town and take a round about always...
Zammin t1_j2b3495 wrote
Just because you're not holding a grudge doesn't mean you're gonna be eager to come back for seconds.
wanroww t1_j28m3st wrote
he didn't forget, he's not gonna dox us to the mean alien but he's never coming back!
JkEisme t1_j29d8we wrote
Wwwwwwss
Thunderbear79 t1_j29zpf2 wrote
I mean, would you?
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