So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice ...

Submitted by ThomasKatt t3_zyq8fy in Jokes

There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.

The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"

The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"

The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"

The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"

The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"

The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?

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hazilyJilt t1_j27b3f8 wrote

Pope: ‟Well, we nailed him to a tree for suggesting how great it’d be if we were all a little bit nicer to each other for a change.”

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unsiker t1_j27borm wrote

I thought he forgave us for that...

was not that the whole point?

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kg19311 t1_j28hm52 wrote

Jesus just cutting toxic people out of his life

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IrishTerminator t1_j28jr31 wrote

When I was a kid I thought that Jesus really was everywhere because sitting in the back seat of my Dad's car and every few minutes my Dad would shout Jesus Christ don't do that or Jesus Christ ya flippen eejit lol

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Cpleofcrazies2 t1_j28q0t0 wrote

Chocolate beats gold, frankincense and myrrh everytime

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Super-X2 t1_j28wte3 wrote

We gave him M&Ms, apparently he had trouble eating them.

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One_City4138 t1_j290aiq wrote

I had this idea that if Jesus were real (l mean, a guy named Josh probably existed at the time, but a few hundred years of telephone has a way of embellishing a few things before it was ever written down) he never came back because of all the people wearing the thing they killed him on around their necks, like wearing garlic to ward off vampires. Still makes me laugh.

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fkin_weirdo_ t1_j2924ip wrote

What a brand new piece of information in pheobe's voice

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Kylynara t1_j296b8i wrote

Replying to vartha (#1,175,170)

Three nails. But one went through both feet, so 4 holes (eight of you count entry and exit separately) and one more where they stabbed him in the side to speed up the process.

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LonelyDinner t1_j298qpt wrote

Replying to Kylynara (#1,183,746)

Not to speed up. To check if he was alive or not. To speed up the process, they would break your legs so you can't stand up and you asphyxiate faster. But they didn't break his legs because when they stabbed him in the side with a spear, they saw he was already dead.

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techy098 t1_j29o0sv wrote

Replying to unsiker (#1,170,011)

He forgave us but who know he may have also forsaken us...

But for sure, if I has JC, I would not fucking deal with piece of shite called humans who want to worship me but say anything they don't like and they fucking nail me to the pole.....fucking assholes, I am going to skip your town and take a round about always...

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Neinball98411 t1_j29oh2l wrote

The aliens: Oh look is that Dave? This Pope guy must be important if he's standing next to Dave.

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Gil-Gandel t1_j29w7f8 wrote

Replying to 1TenDesigns (#1,189,318)

Sure, but you could stop when you were tired. Now figure that you can't let go, you can't grip with your hands, your arm muscles aren't taking weight in any kind of helpful manner, but you're being forced to stay in that pose in a dead hang all day (and all tomorrow if that's what it takes).

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Ministryofgoats t1_j2ai7oi wrote

Jesus Christ had a middle name but no-one knows what it was. They only know it began with H.

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DABailey85 t1_j2b4kfj wrote

I don't get it. Looking for a punchline.

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GuntLman t1_j2b5c6e wrote

What is the procedure with re-posts? Down voted, up voted? Just curious for future reference.

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_Inv1ctus_ t1_j2bae0l wrote

i swear this was posted here like last week

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M2rsho t1_j2bdadq wrote

A few nails and a cross

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AngrySquid14 t1_j2bge4g wrote

I think there’s an smbc comic that’s similar to this

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Gil-Gandel t1_j2d2qh3 wrote

Replying to vartha (#1,206,578)

It wouldn't be surprising. Knowing you're not coming down off that thing alive, I guess you'd reach the just-get-this-over-with point after a while.

On this occasion I don't know that it was with any particular merciful intention -- just to get the execution over with before sundown, as there was a Jewish holy day coming up (and the calendar changes at sunset, not midnight).

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vartha t1_j2dai1e wrote

Replying to Gil-Gandel (#1,219,537)

That sounds like a plausible allegation. However, I was told, without being able to quote any sources, that breaking the victim's legs was in fact considered an act of mercy and relatives were happy to pay for that service.

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vartha t1_j2dbapv wrote

Replying to Gil-Gandel (#1,219,537)

ChatGPT more or less confirms you.

It is not clear where the idea that the relatives of someone who was crucified would pay for their legs to be broken as an act of mercy comes from. Crucifixion was a form of execution that was used in ancient Rome and other cultures for punishment and as a deterrent. It involved affixing the condemned person to a wooden cross or stake using nails or ropes and leaving them to die. There is no historical record of the relatives of crucified individuals paying for their legs to be broken as a mercy.

Leg breaking was not a standard practice in the execution of crucified individuals. However, it is possible that in some cases, the executioners may have broken the legs of those who were being crucified in order to hasten their deaths. This was done by striking the legs with a blunt object, such as a club, which would cause the person to suffocate more quickly. This practice is mentioned in the New Testament of the Bible, in the account of the Crucifixion of Jesus.

It is important to note that crucified individuals would often suffer a great deal of pain and suffering before they died. The process of being crucified could take several days, and those who were crucified were often left exposed to the elements and vulnerable to attack by animals and insects. It was a brutal and inhumane form of punishment, and there is no evidence to suggest that the relatives of those who were crucified would pay for their legs to be broken as an act of mercy.

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