A newly married couple

Submitted by comcphee t3_10ol1ok in Jokes

A newly married couple make their way to bed and everything is going well until...

"Ooh! Oh! Look at that! What's wrong with it?" cries the bride.

"It's just my junk!" says the groom, offended.

"Yes, but's what's wrong with it? They're not supposed to look like that! It's all twisted!"

"That's what they look like!" he replies.

"Have you ever SEEN another man's junk?" the bride demands.

"Well, no - but I'm normal! This is what they look like!"

"No they don't!" she tells him. "It's... warped! There's all grooves around it! It's supposed to be... smooth and straight!" Long story short, the argument isn't settled and the marriage remains unconsumated.

Next day the newlyweds are walking around town, and the groom announces he needs the bathroom.

"There's a public gents over there," says the bride. "And while you're in there, take a look at the man next to you... see if his is the same as yours."

The groom goes in, and returns in a few minutes looking very crestfallen.

"You're right!" he says. "They are supposed to be smooth and straight. And I found out what I've been doing wrong."

"What?"

"Well they all shake theirs dry. I've been wringing mine out."

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Comments

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minemaster3651 t1_j6fknwl wrote

I hate this joke so much bcus my brain just went "hmm, what would that feel like?". And now my dick hurts.

1,130

ArcherA87 t1_j6hgf1a wrote

You've never twisted your flaccid dick in a moment of pantsless boredom?

201

Infinitelyodiforous t1_j6hmtk9 wrote

Pantsless Boredom is my new band name. Dibs

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mrcoonut t1_j6ihmhp wrote

Pantsless boredom. Title of your sex tape

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Either_Reality_9485 t1_j6jf9hz wrote

I'm still chuckling at this comment. Love it. Wish I'd thought of that before we called ourselves "The Establishment."

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zen-shen t1_j6h8hvj wrote

Try the helicopter.

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[deleted] t1_j6hwpwz wrote

Too small, turned into the light switch

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fishebake t1_j6hyxs5 wrote

I don’t even have a dick and my dick hurts

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MajorLobon69 t1_j6hupdv wrote

This made me laugh WAY more than the joke and way more than it should of

3

ella_mataco t1_j6gz7vw wrote

i cringed and don’t even have a dick

173

gmroybal t1_j6hpjbm wrote

If you find one, you can keep it

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what-do-you-expect t1_j6hq5td wrote

the elites dont want you to know this but the dicks at the park are free, you can take them home. I have 458 dicks at home

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CaptRackham t1_j6i6dmw wrote

I only have 4 dicks at home, but I call them family.

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gmroybal t1_j6hq7rf wrote

Is that a dick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

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blue4029 t1_j6gg89q wrote

good god, that must be painful....

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towel67 t1_j6h1qls wrote

what does wringling mine out mean

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Imraith-Nimphais t1_j6h2a60 wrote

“Wringing it out” means twisting it to dry it as if it were a soaking wet towel.

Edit: Ironically, towel is part of your username but I didn’t see it til after I posted.

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Worgensgowoof t1_j6h2y8w wrote

when you twist a wash cloth or towel to get the water to squeeze out of it.

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trixterpro77 t1_j6h25cb wrote

adter you piss you wring your cock out like a rag instead of shaking it off,

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towel67 t1_j6h26o5 wrote

what does wring mean

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trixterpro77 t1_j6h29rm wrote

squeeze it and rotate the ends opposite directions to get the liquid out of somethibg like a wet rag

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towel67 t1_j6h2bbg wrote

oh I see, thank you

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trixterpro77 t1_j6h2c1h wrote

yw

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unripenedboyparts t1_j6hbczb wrote

Look at their username, they're messing with you lol

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trixterpro77 t1_j6hbgcl wrote

We've Been Tricked, We've Been Backstabbed and We've Been Quite Possibly, Bamboozled

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APOPHIS2508 t1_j6hgzll wrote

The trixter has been tricked, the towel doesn't know what wringing is, and unripenedboyparts is, well, reading jokes about "ripened" boy parts AND has an NSFW account....

r/UsernameChecksOut
r/UsernamesCheckOut

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recXion_ t1_j6h2o4y wrote

I’m wringing my hands reading this

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CrispedWaffle t1_j6hbg1b wrote

I thought they were gonna be ducks tbh. That was a good one lol

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KombuchaBot t1_j6h2wgt wrote

Marjane Satrapi's newly weds dick joke in Persepolis was better. You have to read the comic though, it's a visual one.

The whole thing is worth a read anyway

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cod35 t1_j6h7ds4 wrote

I don't get the joke, do people shake to dry?

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MLXIII t1_j6h7tgf wrote

...if you shake it more than twice, it means you're playing with it.

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RactainCore t1_j6ht7fr wrote

Does no one do the sock squeeze? It seems a lot better than just shaking, in my experience.

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Hurtkopain t1_j6hytwu wrote

i had to go in an elevator to think about this one. It's wrung on so many levels.

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False_Vanguard t1_j6hvpkd wrote

0% of married couples would call their penises "junk".

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apd543 t1_j6i5faf wrote

That’s grown on me after thinking about it it’s quite imaginative 😂

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TheUltimateP1e t1_j6h9ixj wrote

Whoever made this should get his dick wringed

1

Aeosin15 t1_j6j6yvs wrote

Oh. My. God. Was not expecting that. Lol

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killeresshan t1_j6j7d2c wrote

For Christ’s sake jake its not a toothpaste

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DiddyDubs t1_j6jzcjz wrote

Just grindin the pepper, baby

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cookerg t1_j6l6o1f wrote

There actually is a real condition of damaged penis called Peyronie's disease, and one cause of it is overly aggressive squeezing. So this joke has a grain of truth

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gloveman5 t1_j6ls0sk wrote

That is an old Buddy Hackett joke. (Did I spell his name right?)

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psicobab t1_j6g0zql wrote

I can fathom people waiting for marriage, to have sex. But not even a bj? Work the bases? You know, getting handsy and all?

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waytothestriker t1_j6gym1f wrote

My hyper-catholic friend said he’s going celibate till marriage. Commend the homie. Not even a wank

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