A blond and a lawyer are flying to Cleveland

Submitted by hoosyourdaddyo t3_10ojxcj in Jokes

The man asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

Bored, he persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The man, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, a huge fan of Lance Armstrong, answers quickly: “that’s easy, the Tour De France!”

Flustered the woman realizes that she’s never going to be left alone and she says. “Let’s cut to the chase. You want to have sex with me?”

He looks her up and down and replies “I’m sorry, but since I screw people for a living, it’s kind of lost it’s novelty.”

“You’re a porn star?”

“No, It’s much worse than that. I’m a copyright attorney.”

Edit: joke edited after feedback, I reserve the right to make further changes.

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Comments

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DevilsDadkc t1_j6f7tf5 wrote

This had a different ending when I heard it. The blonde asks the lawyer what is purple and has 8 legs and a horn on it's ass? The lawyer has no idea and hands her 500 dollars. The lawyer asks the blonde what IS purple with 8 legs and a horn on it's ass? The blonde hands him 5 dollars and goes back to sleep.

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hoosyourdaddyo OP t1_j6f805r wrote

I put a twist on the old joke

−24

alternative_drinks t1_j6fbcp1 wrote

and made it worse.

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hoosyourdaddyo OP t1_j6feg6g wrote

That’s just like your opinion, man

−28

Professional-Pay-888 t1_j6g37u6 wrote

I thought it was kinda funny

10

hoosyourdaddyo OP t1_j6g3d3m wrote

Thanks! I’m the first to acknowledge I have a weird sense of humor sometimes

−14

KanaHemmo t1_j6gohrg wrote

It just doesn't really make sense, the blonde doesn't have to pay anything since she gave the lawyer five dollars already

10

hoosyourdaddyo OP t1_j6goya7 wrote

lol I guess I didn’t pay close enough attention, when I cribbed the first part of the joke. Anyhow, it’s obvious to me this attempt sucked

2

trashacct8484 t1_j6h9eg4 wrote

Lawyer and non-lawyer are walking along an empty beach and see a beautiful, naked woman, who looks to be unconscious but otherwise healthy. She has no clothes, no bag, no phone or keys, nothing at all.

Non-lawyer looks at Lawyer and says “do you want to screw her?” Lawyer looks back at him, puzzled. “Screw her? Out of what?”

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boysilver7777 t1_j6f4vvx wrote

A 3 legged race to the top of the hill. When the race is over, the bonds are broken, and the pair walks down afterward with all 4 legs!

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hoosyourdaddyo OP t1_j6fdy5v wrote

His answer is correct, yours doesn’t make sense

Edit: technically it’s correct, but the bike race one is better

−23

Neat-Cold-7235 t1_j6fqeug wrote

I don’t get the bike race one tho?

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hoosyourdaddyo OP t1_j6fqwja wrote

Bike races are run in legs. A leg many times will end at the top of a hill, with the next leg going back down, especially with a race like the TdF

−12

No-Writer3446 t1_j6gh813 wrote

The TdF is run in stages, not legs, so the joke doesn’t make sense. Regardless, it wouldn’t be funny

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old-red-paint t1_j6h0l53 wrote

I don't get it 😭

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hoosyourdaddyo OP t1_j6h1dyb wrote

His job is to screw people out of their money, screwing here has lost it’s novelty

−3

old-red-paint t1_j6j0cr4 wrote

Yeah, I get that. But the whole first half of the joke seemed like it was setting up something else like "haha blondes are dumb" AS WELL as "haha lawyers are evil". It only did one of these things, and in a weak, unrelated way.

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uncle_tyrone t1_j6j9ski wrote

I swear I’ve seen a joke that worked on the same mechanics, and in the end the blonde gets the 500 from the lawyer, but I have no idea how it went

13

ALeaf0nTh3Wind t1_j6ld7vu wrote

She asks him a question and he gives up and pays the $500. Then he asks her what the answer was and she shrugs and gives him $5.

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uncle_tyrone t1_j6m5jol wrote

Beautiful. That was the punchline that the setup actually works with

3

Robbedeus t1_j6gr7w9 wrote

The game is they only need to pay if they don't know the answer to the other's question. So why would she suddenly need to pay the lawyer 500 dollars?

Don't think the joke makes sense like this.

9

trashacct8484 t1_j6h8unz wrote

Just saying “a blond and a lawyer” and assuming we all know the one identified by her appearance is the woman and one identified by his profession the man is sexiest. The rest of the joke is sexiest as well, obviously, but using blond as short-hand for dumb woman needs to be retired.

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Richinwalla t1_j6j7al9 wrote

I think Karen is fashion now

1

trashacct8484 t1_j6js3cu wrote

Yeah, but no one wants to have sex with Karen. We can retire the category of ‘dumb woman shallow guy wants to have sex with’ altogether (probably the best option), or figure out what we’re going to call sexy, not-necessarily-racist Karen (which also needs to be a Halloween costume).

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wellOverturn t1_j6f2ybr wrote

>He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress，no answer.

Is this joke from the 90s?

You mean，he uses the in-flight wifi to search Google.

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hoosyourdaddyo OP t1_j6fdt2e wrote

Did you read the joke, man? All that 90’s shit was taken out

0

WhatKindOfADeal t1_j6g4o3h wrote

Except for Lance Armdong

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_drimzy t1_j6junhp wrote

The real joke is that he went from a blond to a blonde mid-flight!

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Clue_Loose t1_j6l352o wrote

I like it the way it was before actually

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khkeric t1_j6f3mqu wrote

This was a pretty good joke, but it did not need that last line.

−1