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WaynegoSMASH728 t1_j4zz7j9 wrote

I once knew a guy who was so dumb. He thought Bisexual meant you went out and paid for it.

219

Gatlingun123 t1_j530dv0 wrote

To be fair, up until last year I thought thespian (though it was thesbian) meant “Theatet Lesbian.” That got a good laugh out of my mother lol

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upmxna t1_j520iej wrote

This is better, much better😀

14

Babyhal1956 t1_j51f6wh wrote

Well…all straight men are buysexual - one way or another we pay for all the sex we get.

12

No-Orchid5378 t1_j51yz1p wrote

Not true, some of us can’t get any

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whatever-the-logo-is t1_j520e23 wrote

Well then you just didn't pay enough, or you shopped where your currency wasn't valid.

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upmxna t1_j524st9 wrote

I would start with going to the gym. Eat better (diet is HUGE). Get fit. Even if your face is ugly, a ripped body will massively improve your prospects, along with your confidence (which will improve your prospects even more).

Wear unwrinkled clothes. Shower every day and keep your facial hair groomed neatly. Find a nice fragrance. Women LOVE that shit!

Am I following any of this advice for myself? NO

12

No-Orchid5378 t1_j52530j wrote

My problem is that I’m married. It’s a sex problem, I like being married otherwise

4

Babyhal1956 t1_j52n8d0 wrote

You know why condoms are sold in 3 packs, six pack and 12 packs? 3 packs for high school kids (1 each for Friday Saturday and Sunday) 6 packs are for college kids (1 for each day of the week then they catch up their homework on Sunday), 12 packs are for married guys (1 for January, 1 for February…)

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upmxna t1_j5256yq wrote

Well then it’s misleading to say that you “can’t“ get any. Are you talking like impotence or something?

1

No-Orchid5378 t1_j52f5jq wrote

No it’s called a joke. Jokes are supposed to be misleading 😂 If they weren’t they’d be called facts and be funny less often.

1

upmxna t1_j52gffj wrote

What’s the joke?

0

No-Orchid5378 t1_j52gy5c wrote

Married men don’t have sex, come on man. What rock do you live under?

2

upmxna t1_j52if24 wrote

But you didn’t include the marriage part of the original “joke,” which is essential to the punchline.

A better delivery of that joke would’ve been:

Some of us can’t get any; we’re called “husbands.”

2

BootyBumpinSquid t1_j531e2o wrote

Buy-sexual.

Boy George once made that joke.

"I'm bisexual. Which means when I want sex, I have to buy it."

6

2M3TAL4U t1_j5312ik wrote

Jeez I was 13 at the time, you don't gotta bring it up every time bro

0

reikutohno t1_j50d567 wrote

If three people involved is a threesome then I'm handsome.

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Thick_Ambition_9084 t1_j58v63k wrote

I had a wild threesome last night. There was a couple of no shows. But everyone else had a good time.

1

ephmal t1_j4zvsov wrote

My wife and I have hallway sex. We pass in the hallways and yell fuck off at each other.

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Poncherelly t1_j51qk2s wrote

"My wife and I fuck in the hallway daily" ... continue your joke.

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No-Relation2437 t1_j52khqe wrote

My mom told me this as "Your dad and I have oral sex. We pass each other in the hall and say 'fuck you'."

Not enough therapy in the world for her using that joke.

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snuzet t1_j54dqsr wrote

Woody Allen’s classic joke about oral contraception - Is asked a girl if she’d sleep with me, she said no

3

DerRaumdenker t1_j501x2q wrote

My wife and I have sex almost every day, almost on Monday almost on Tuesday...

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PiisAWheeL t1_j542re4 wrote

About forty lines went through my head along the lines of "she almost stopped me" But I'm not saying them out loud just in case hell is real.

3

amerkanische_Frosch t1_j4zxtq8 wrote

I’m trisexual.

I keep on trying to have sex but they always say no.

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DirtyOldGuy43 t1_j512k5l wrote

>I’m trisexual.
> >I keep on trying to have sex but they always say no.

I'm also trisexual.

I'll try anything once

8

Liedetector30000 t1_j50d96v wrote

I can't stop giggling like a school girl over this shit. 😂😂😂

5

wigzell78 t1_j50dh7b wrote

My sex-life is best described as tri-weekly.

Damn auto-correct. I meant try weakly

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timbus1234 t1_j4zwij0 wrote

im pansexual, i had sex with a pan

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Unfinishe_Masterpiec t1_j50rvfo wrote

I no longer have desire for pans. I let things get too heated and got burned.

15

timbus1234 t1_j52rxuj wrote

a little bit of cooking oil can reduce the friction

2

Unfinishe_Masterpiec t1_j538a0x wrote

I should have gone with that. It would have made scraping bits of burnt sausage off the pan so much easier.

1

Liedetector30000 t1_j50d6kf wrote

Care if I join?

5

hairybogwoppit t1_j51jblg wrote

I'm pi sexual...I last 3.14 seconds

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SnooRevelations4037 t1_j520mkf wrote

Let her know ya mean business, tell her you're gonna take her back home and give her 9 inches...

Ya know; 3 inches 3 times...

15

willbeonekenobi t1_j5037az wrote

I once asked my wife why doesn't she scream my name when she climaxes like I do with her. She told me she doesn't want to bother me when I am at work and might be a bit weird if she is with someone who doesn't share my name.

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Muzck t1_j538c7v wrote

Maybe the next guy she’s with will have the same name as you, problem solved!

1

Upst8r t1_j50ofv9 wrote

I had a sex change.

I use my left hand.

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Muzck t1_j538gud wrote

I also had a sex change, I paid with a jar of quarters

5

RibaldPancake t1_j4zvfxk wrote

Not sure if that’s better or worse than being bye sexual.

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GeniusMike t1_j51sbg1 wrote

That’s probably twice more than most Redditors

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Tymskyy t1_j506ioa wrote

There are only two sexes:the one I had with your mom and the one I had with your dad

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Downtown-Custard5346 t1_j52ijz7 wrote

Someone called me bisexual once, I reminded them I'm trisexual, I'll try anything

5

stampcoin t1_j4zx3kq wrote

I'm not bisexual. I've only had sex once

4

Emmerilla t1_j51i9u5 wrote

so you're monosexual

0

scuac t1_j51soek wrote

Doesn’t translate well to Spanish

1

Vast-Bus-8648 t1_j51ujfr wrote

Well, manosexual would be someone who gives themselves handjobs a lot.

1

Emmerilla t1_j51yof7 wrote

I feel like that's not too far off from our initial defintion. If you only had sex once, then the own hand has to suffice

1

rmdelecuona t1_j50b12v wrote

Five more times than I have

4

[deleted] t1_j55c15s wrote

I'm homosexual

I only have sex at home.

4

Nuclear-Redneck t1_j50mfrm wrote

I had oral sex with a girl this morning. She yelled "fuck you!" and I yelled "fuck you too!"

3

Grope_The_Pope t1_j50vo1v wrote

Im bisexual.

If they're buying im sexual.

3

BallKey7607 t1_j51fonp wrote

Plot twist: Once with a man, Once with a women

3

ernSOFTLtd t1_j51qkib wrote

I am bicycle. I cycled twice.

3

Dizz2K7 t1_j52cfjo wrote

I'm bisexual, too. Problem is, I'm broke.

3

DeScamp t1_j52tltz wrote

You mean with somebody else, right?

3

lbell1703 t1_j53cm89 wrote

Ah fuck this is accurate

3

Bugtotes t1_j53gndx wrote

Farm animals don’t count

3

Crew_Doyle_ t1_j544lai wrote

A mate announced in the pub that his new girlfriend was bi ,,,

Came in the next day with a black eye.

turns out she's bi-polar....

3

hollandrisley t1_j54rq2h wrote

What do you call a Lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotapuss.

3

FAmos t1_j55gekl wrote

You slut

3

stevedaher t1_j4zuz1q wrote

Im not sure if that’s better or worse than the usual “I buy sex” punchline..

2

Buddy2269 t1_j50aqsh wrote

Both times you were alone.

2

fredg78731 t1_j50lbof wrote

Bisexuals double their chances for a date.

2

ThePangolinofDread t1_j50ujq3 wrote

I'm bisexual now, I can't get it for free anymore so I have to

2

andywalker76 t1_j51aasr wrote

I'm trisexual.........

I'll try to fuck anything........

2

Mr-mgoo t1_j51cacp wrote

I'm bisexual, if I can't get sex I buy it.

2

mugsy1j t1_j52nr2m wrote

I'm ambidextrous... so I guess that makes me bisexual also....

2

tigerstef t1_j50t53c wrote

Left and right hand?

1

2723brad2723 t1_j518jgu wrote

I'm buysexual. I can only get laid if I pay for it.

1

Strict_Succotash8908 t1_j5215zf wrote

I’m Bihand-sexual so I have sex with both hands at the same time

1

akirabs10 t1_j524xnh wrote

and I have to buy it....

1

NDodma01 t1_j52d1ol wrote

That’s nothing. I know someone who’s trisexual.

1

GrumpyCatStevens t1_j52eeiq wrote

I'm bisexual. If I want sex badly enough, I'll buy it.

1

XenosapianRain t1_j52eqcg wrote

I'm bisexual. So ugly I have to buy it!

1

Baganthaal t1_j52qvuv wrote

Buy me something and I'll get sexual...

I know, it's an old one...

1

coloa t1_j52vukt wrote

And I'm trisexual

1

The_Liamster t1_j52z7wo wrote

I’m nonsexual since I’ve not had sex

1

danorcs t1_j53cwap wrote

So good for you. I’m trisexual.

I’ll try anything sexual

1

Ok_Climate_9254 t1_j5458mq wrote

You should become buysexual and get some numbers on the board.

1

Street_Phase4074 t1_j54rn9f wrote

I'm bisexual. Can't get it for free so have to buy it.

1

mikedjb t1_j54tig2 wrote

I’m trisexual. I’ll try anything

1

1Flashfry1 t1_j54zusl wrote

I’m buy-sexual, I have to buy my sex

1

Agent101g t1_j515xbp wrote

I’ve learned from this sub that 95% of classic jokes are based on targeting persecuted minorities. I still laugh at jokes but it is depressing I’m “not gonna lie”.

−1

Unfair_Enthusiasm_45 t1_j51iiui wrote

I don’t think this joke is targeting anyone. It’s not trying to be offensive, it’s just a fun play on words

3

cliffno350 t1_j53c96u wrote

Maybe they's "not gonna lie down", could be upright sexual

2