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D0fus t1_j6gpkh4 wrote

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

18

DJWGibson t1_j6gtdyj wrote

Careful with that joke, it’s an antique.

11

Worth-Cauliflower-67 t1_j6gvv5o wrote

HEY! As a Scotsman, I feel the need to point out that it’s the WELSH who fuck sheep. We just get drunk and beat each other

92

Custom8612 t1_j6jtmy2 wrote

English tell these week jokes because they are jealous of Scottish cattle. They remind them of their wives and girlfriends only with sweeter dispositions and better teeth. (I am of English, Irish, Scottish and German decent, so don't bother.)

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Downtown-Custard5346 t1_j6jywln wrote

Thank you for this, this was one of my dad's favorite jokes, and I had completely forgotten about it, you just brought back some nice memories

4

Balerinom t1_j6ktxqh wrote

Show us you're a septic with shit jokes without saying it.

0

raljax1 t1_j6nmuj5 wrote

A Englishman, a Irishman, and a Scotsman sit down at the bar and order a beer. The barkeep sets a draft in front of each and three flies land, one sitting atop each pint.

The Englishman sees the fly, pushes away the glass, and says "I can't drink this, it's been contaminated."

The Irishman flicks the fly off the top of his beer and drinks half the pint in one swallow.

The Scotsman picks up the fly from his beer and shouts at it, "Spit it out, spit it out you bastard!"

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Drkindlycountryquack t1_j6p8hub wrote

I’m half Irish and Half Scottish. I want a drink but I don’t want to pay for it. What’s the difference between an Irish funeral and wedding? One less drunk.

1