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xiangzi1113 t1_j69qgwj wrote

This the funniest joke I have seen sofa.

773

Chase_The_Dream t1_j69s81b wrote

You'll be chaising this high for weeks.

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crappotheclown t1_j69t4c4 wrote

He ottoman. I would.

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Tcloud t1_j6amubw wrote

I’d recline your offer.

101

Dyno8man t1_j6aob1p wrote

I'm seating with rage

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Xiel_Blades t1_j6ap2b9 wrote

Sorry to hear that, is there some way we can cushion the impact this has had on you?

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dinosee t1_j6apfhb wrote

Sounds like he was a lazy boy.

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Zygarde718 t1_j6c2092 wrote

Sounds like there was a table of reasons for it!

10

Any_Support3590 t1_j6cemi8 wrote

I coushnt understand why you think that?

3

Steady-Nutty t1_j6a5y0b wrote

Chair.

11

cherryhilljawnz t1_j6aod2c wrote

Make this comment (the comment I'm replying to) the top comment

Pretty please, with 2 cherries, Jimmies, chocolate syrup, crushed nuts and whipped cream on top

3

razorhash t1_j6ck56l wrote

Moments like these - they set your futon fire

8

kalirion t1_j6cc7cs wrote

Take your upvote and get the fold out.

4

Otherwise-Falcon-729 t1_j6aax78 wrote

Watched some bloke nicking gates down our road. Was going to confront him but was afraid he'd take a fence.

I'll see myself out.

78

Make_the_music_stop t1_j6a49ds wrote

I was wakened at 3am by a crashing noise...I went down the stairs, cricket bat in hand, only to come face to face with an intruder stepping through my front door. He was armed with a crowbar but a swift crack of the willow round his head dropped him and he was spark out for enough time for me to grab a short length of rope. After hog-tying him in the hallway I went in the kitchen and made myself a cup of Coco. The bloke was conscious again when I returned. I stepped over him and began climbing the stairs. He said “Wait, aren’t you gonna call the police?”

I turned and replied “Why would I do that? Nobody knows you’re here” and continued back up to bed. Anyway enough of that nonsense, I’m having a big barbecue tomorrow afternoon, all are welcome

32

KknhgnhInepa0cnB11 t1_j6aqrlk wrote

When I came home I was delighted to see someone stole all my lamps

29

MasterCrang t1_j6c08jy wrote

I Chair-ish your sense of humor

7

Hurtkopain t1_j6cuwny wrote

Someone broke into my house and stole 60% of my fire trucks.

fuck.

7

Romulofras t1_j6caht3 wrote

Most thieves are deseatful.

6

secret369 t1_j6b5fre wrote

Must be sofa king annoying

5

zuzu242762 t1_j6bmyko wrote

That was sofa king funny

5

Murtagh440 t1_j6cje5v wrote

I have been trying to think of another relevant joke but have had no luck sofa.

4

Remarkable_Band_8435 t1_j6d9vys wrote

You should be grateful. They could have taken the whole thing, but they only went sofa.

4

xamore t1_j6acb0k wrote

Coch!

3

12altoids34 t1_j6cclx4 wrote

Someone broke into my apartment and stole all my furniture and replaced it with exact duplicates

-Stephen Wright

3

KingTelephone t1_j6d6ujv wrote

I wouldn’t have noticed because with my couch, I pay no interest until 2028.

3

IEatCatz4Fun t1_j6f3q2g wrote

They took 40% of mine I only have a coc left.

3

[deleted] t1_j6a8868 wrote

Because it's a joke about the number of letters in couch. Five letters and if you take away one that is equal to 20%. So he said "ouch". I like that part. It made it funny. Like who would steal 20% of a couch. That's just this jokester being a silly goose. Because no one would steal 20% of a couch. But if they did, that wouldn't be funny. It's funny because of how couch is spelled. With five letters and if you take 20% of the letters you can spell "ouch" which is the funny part. Then I like the puns people add in. Like with plays on the word couch. Those are the real knee slappers. You people are just too much to handle. I bet they were the class clowns.

2

WhatKindOfADeal t1_j6ab167 wrote

You have it all wrong, it’s because they did remove 20% of the actual couch. Just happened to be the area op blindly plops down every day after work. However, in this instance, he smashed ass first into the hard wooden floor. So yeah ouch indeed!!!

6

[deleted] t1_j6abap4 wrote

You should become a professional explainer. You really ottoman. That was the first reply to my comment, sofa.

2

1PMagain t1_j6ax88v wrote

We lost a quarter of our roof in a tornado.

Oof.

2

wolfie379 t1_j6bjf62 wrote

Better take a close look at your collection of vintage cigarette packages. 20 Marlboros, 20 Camels, 20 Winstons, 20 Salems - oops, only 18 Chesterfields.

2

Catsssssssss t1_j6cq3dp wrote

Just 20%? That's a good prenup.

2

Takkg72 t1_j6cu9bi wrote

The rest of it is just 4/5.

2

Jesus_marley t1_j6anuhs wrote

Chester Field is on the case!

1

CsharpIsDaWae t1_j6bplyd wrote

If they had stolen 80% you'd be left with a chair

1

Ewetootwo t1_j6c3b27 wrote

So you lost 20% of your fries - couch potato.

1

forbins_mockingbird t1_j6c6kvv wrote

They got me worse, 25% of my roof is gone…oof this is bad

1

rankinfile t1_j6cef4r wrote

Could have left your cuch.

1

goudoogdragon t1_j6ciuom wrote

let me tell you why.I know how they found out but I keep money there.but the only question I have. how doe steal 20% of my couch?.

1

Faust_8 t1_j6cjh3i wrote

You think that’s bad? A tree fell and destroyed 25% of my roof.

Oof.

1

yanbag609 t1_j6ckh1g wrote

you are sofa king funny

1

zamfire t1_j6crjxn wrote

Afterwards a French theif came in, stole another chunk, but I caught him red handed. He felt bad and brought back a different person's section. Oui

1

Passing4human t1_j6ct3lg wrote

A gang of surrealist burglars recently hit my house. They took everything I owned and replaced it all with exact duplicates carefully placed in the same places.

1

philomath_sam t1_j6cu54v wrote

So 25% goes to 20%, surely it was a fun

1

doingthehumptydance t1_j6dy2to wrote

Someone broke into my house and stole a third of my sofa, now I just have a love seat.

1

Yazamuto t1_j6e3o8s wrote

That was sofa king funny.

1

pinche-malinche t1_j6e4dgh wrote

Good thing it wasn’t 80%; I hear c-sections can be brutal.

1

AdrianneNoir t1_j6e95ou wrote

Be glad that it wasn’t 19% 😉

1

Boolbabyy t1_j6ecx68 wrote

I don’t get it

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Iamdyingfromthis t1_j6geg7l wrote

There are 5 letters in the word "couch", each letter is 20% of the whole word. 20%*5= 100%. Losing 20% means losing 1 letter.

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SnooHobbies1293 t1_j6ejuvd wrote

Actually, they only stole 1/7th of "my couch"

1

haamerhed t1_j6gku80 wrote

That's two thirds a pun...P U.

1

SatisfyingUnifica549 t1_j6p1p4e wrote

My whole furniture was taken during a break-in, and identical replacements were made.

1