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pladin517 t1_j4n4ukl wrote

Cucumber slicer worked better when the joke first appeared in 1890.


listerinebreath t1_j4q6ugn wrote

This guy didn’t even get the delivery right. He’s supposed to tell his wife he was fired for sticking his dick in the pickle slicer, then she asks “what happened with the pickle slicer” and he says “oh, she was fired too”


Mikesaidit36 t1_j4qayfw wrote

THANK you. I couldn’t get past my visceral response to having one’s penis sliced and diced.


Dinosalsa t1_j4nt6cf wrote

Yes, but she's at least the very least retired by now


pladin517 t1_j4r4xux wrote

Nah, she was fired and couldn't find work anywhere as a cucumber slicer because people told this joke for the next 130 years.


Einar_47 t1_j4qk79b wrote

Well yeah but they thought tomatoes were poisonous so naturally they wouldn't have them in a professional kitchen.


TenRingRedux OP t1_j4qquh1 wrote

I don't think they had cucumbers in 1890.

Corn huskers maybe.

As a MOF, it works well with corn, corn shucker, corn husker.

Yeah! He got caught with in in the corn shucker! in 1890.


trivia_guy t1_j4qutre wrote

I hope you’re joking and don’t seriously think cucumbers didn’t exist in 1890.


12angelo12 t1_j4qxmcx wrote

Aren’t they GMO fruits made from pickles


trivia_guy t1_j4rsj12 wrote

Given what sub we’re in surely I can safely assume you’re not serious…


DeplorableKurt t1_j4n3lmg wrote

I don’t get it


enderverse87 t1_j4n3vr9 wrote

It's a variation of an older joke. The implication is that "tomato slicer" is a job position.


HillaryRClinton t1_j4n6zku wrote

Dish washer might work better.

There is no one job of doing nothing but slicing tomatoes.


RedditVince t1_j4q7thv wrote

Oh I am sure there are... Think the canning industry... :)


Greedoscolddeadhands t1_j4qj5m1 wrote

This joke can be inclusive quite easily, as well.

“I got fired for sticking my duck in the dish washer.”

“What happened to the dishwasher?”

“He got fired too.”

See, inclusive.


NotStaggy t1_j4n632f wrote

Without this nobody would understand. I Handnt a clue


enderverse87 t1_j4n6vei wrote

Yeah. The phrasing doesn't work as well as the original joke.

>Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

>"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

>"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

>"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

>"Yes, I did."

> "My God, Bill, what happened?"

> "I got fired."

>"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

>"Oh...she got fired too."


ringobob t1_j4ndsru wrote

A few of us have heard this joke before, there's different variants but the punchline is usually a bit more clear that "thing you thought was a machine" is actually a woman.


gm7410 t1_j4og769 wrote

While the older joke may be the correct answer, fired in a restaurant also means in the process of cooking “fire hamburger for table twenty” The dick got cooked


Mikesaidit36 t1_j4qbf2r wrote

Right, further complicating a botched joke. Plus, for a minute I was thinking about fried tomatoes – thanks, dyslexia.


cantseeshittles t1_j4oqrcl wrote

I masturbated in front of the dishwasher

She seemed to like it but the boss didn't find it acceptable


Buddy2269 t1_j4n64xj wrote

Normally on here as the pickle slicer.


baker8678 t1_j4n68xq wrote

It’s funny that people don’t get it


JDMultralight t1_j4qzpx6 wrote

I forgot the show this was from but one character was a super rich guy in his mansion:

Girl: “How does your dish washer work?”

Billionaire: “You just wordlessly press the trays into his chest”


og-lollercopter t1_j4oathc wrote

In the coffee maker. He and the barista were both fired and are now banned from all Starbucks locations.


Kind_Bullfrog_4073 t1_j4n4ymv wrote

the penis and the tomato slicer were fired?


ringobob t1_j4ne9gn wrote

The restaurant worker, and the person who sliced tomatoes, who is also presumably a restaurant worker.

The choice of jobs here leaves much to be desired. It's like having an AI who actually understands the setup and the punchline rewrite the joke, and it does it in the worst way possible.


lesser_tom t1_j4q6b4c wrote

I don't get it reads again huh, wha- oooooh, i get it now


phonlyone t1_j4qh6xi wrote

I caught my dad with his cock in the biscuit tin. I asked Mum what was going on and was told to ignore him, 'Hes fucking crackers'


TenRingRedux OP t1_j4qqhxe wrote

A friend of mine once showed up at a Halloween party completely naked except for a bag of peanuts draped over his member.

I caught him at the door and asked "Are you fecking crazy?!"

He replied "No, I'm fecking nuts!"


Dickcheese-a1 t1_j4o0ejb wrote

McDonald's uses the Tomato Witch, ten or so slices for your trouble.


Specific_Tap7296 t1_j4pbvaa wrote

Having sex at work posts are so common this week


ramboton t1_j4pcicx wrote

I heard it was a lettuce slicer, but there was not a shred of evidence......


stormtrooperbob321 t1_j4psd1o wrote

"A deli worker was fired when he got caught with his penis in the bacon slicer"

"Oh my god, what happened?"

"She got fired too"


1963Jan t1_j4s11qa wrote

I heard that he accidentally sat on the bacon slicer and got behind in his work.


SnappyCapricorn t1_j4psydg wrote

I thought this was a Darwin Award for a moment lol


Jhymm t1_j4q3y3u wrote

I gotta confess. I thought the tomato slicer was a machine, shaped like a tomato, that cut fruit. And the guy, and his now severed tomato shaped penis were fired. As if the penis had a job. 10/10


Narayan4632 t1_j4q9x56 wrote

No sad feeling for restaurant worker but tomato slicer, it's no easy job with all tomato and slicing..


Codate t1_j4qqze6 wrote

This one took me a minute


Sure-Ad9633 t1_j4n9d97 wrote

Oh god now I can’t get that image out of my head


mcallanman t1_j4ng7gn wrote

Could be that "the tomato slicer" is a machine that was "fired" (switched ON) on the spot?