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JFKRFKSRVLBJ t1_j6becxg wrote

“You miss 100% of the cum-shots to the face you never take”

Wayne Gretzky


AlphaWhelp t1_j6eicnx wrote

"everyone has a plan until they get cum on the face"

Mike Tyson


koushakandystore t1_j6dzpem wrote

“I ate so much pussy back then my face looked like a glazed donut.”

Dennis Hopper


luckydice767 t1_j6dn28l wrote

I don’t think that one’s gonna be on a Gatorade ad any time soon


BluePhantom32 t1_j6ccpx6 wrote

This joke could also work for soccer fans. Substitute Ronaldo for Gretzky and have him mistaking his wife for saying, “Messi, eh?”


psihonix t1_j6cen4z wrote

For me, not knowing who Messier is, it worked with Gretzky and Messi aswell :) both legends


Klaus0225 t1_j6dli0u wrote

For me not knowing who Messier or Messi is I didn’t get it into I read the comments.


Drs83 t1_j6cjzk3 wrote

Dude, really?



StekenDeluxe t1_j6cmk90 wrote

Many, many, many people do not follow ice hockey.


its_a_gibibyte t1_j6d23q8 wrote

Even people who follow ice hockey don't neccesarily look up classic ice hockey. Messier won the canada cup in 1984, 1987, and 1991. Anyone who remembers watching those games is at least 40 at this point.


sashaaa123 t1_j6crqxd wrote

Literally the only hockey player I know is Wayne Gretzky, and that's just because people talk about him all the time on reddit.


str85 t1_j6eq00q wrote

I'm a Swedish person who has zero interest in sports really, i could probably name 20+ NHL players from the 90s and all teams... Reason, those damn hockey cards we all collected. Pokemon wasn't really invented when I was that age but the need to collect cards was strong.

Not sure why I'm sharing this life story btw...


sashaaa123 t1_j6er7u4 wrote

Isn't hockey somewhat popular in Sweden? I'm from Italy and I don't know anyone who watches or plays hockey


str85 t1_j6hf16w wrote

It is, but that doesn't help if your not really in to sports ;)


Bcruz75 t1_j6euvgk wrote

Got any Foppa cards?


str85 t1_j6hf3yi wrote

Not sure if i have any left, but definitely had some from his time in Modo.


borgcubecubed t1_j6ferbl wrote

I’m curious, is Messier a name you knew then?


str85 t1_j6hf65p wrote

Without cheating or googling, Mark? Is that the first name?


TheTree_43 t1_j6ejuep wrote

It definitely works better with Gretzky and Moose because of the Canadian "eh"


Waitsfornoone t1_j6bkgjb wrote

What's the difference between Wayne Gretzky and Courtney Love?

Wayne Gretzky showers after three periods.


Soleserious OP t1_j6bm245 wrote

Around here that joke Courtenay love is swapped out with a Surrey girl.


darrenwise883 t1_j6cgrl8 wrote

What does the little Surrey girl get for Christmas. The bike from a little Delta girl's house


Hytyt t1_j6frfvv wrote

In my part of the country it's Essex birds... My fiancéewould murder me if it made the joke though


Nasty_Tricks69 t1_j6fh94c wrote

I don't get it. Does courtney love not shower? Google search was inconclusive


dukeofgonzo t1_j6bk7kp wrote

It's a great joke but very niche.


Soleserious OP t1_j6blx77 wrote

Yeah I was wondering how many would be scratching their heads at this one lol


JFKRFKSRVLBJ t1_j6bv2hu wrote

If I believed in spending actual money for dumb reddit awards, I’d give your post a trophy, OP.


WrathfulVengeance13 t1_j6cekyj wrote

Give the free one. Look under coins.


CharsOwnRX-78-2 t1_j6cqha6 wrote

They stopped giving out the free one, AFAIK


WrathfulVengeance13 t1_j6dha9l wrote

They stopped advertising's under coins.


CharsOwnRX-78-2 t1_j6dhnrq wrote

Yeah, I can click into coins right now and it's not there.

Unless they restricted the free award to desktop only. It's not on mobile


WrathfulVengeance13 t1_j6dikue wrote

Well shit. I usually get one every week. I'm no premium or nuthin either, and I'm on mobile. If you remember just check it every so often. They keep changing shit so you might be right.


Tifoso89 t1_j6cwx9j wrote

I got it from context. I understood it was a pun with the name "Messier" and I have no idea who that is, but assume he was another hockey player.


unripenedboyparts t1_j6faajx wrote

I confused hockey with football, Messier with Messi and still got the joke.


nicunta t1_j6drxxe wrote

I laughed, read it to my boyfriend, then explained the context.


arekkushisu t1_j6coc00 wrote

Why would she all over his face? like, is she a dude?


bklynsnow t1_j6d5bt2 wrote

You've never gone down on a woman and ended up with a shiny face?


TAway69420666 t1_j6bg904 wrote

"Huh, tasted more like Kurri to me"


OIL_99 t1_j6bl8bs wrote

This joke might make some Fuhr-ious


JFKRFKSRVLBJ t1_j6bmdj4 wrote

That’s Grant Fuhr and not a Hitler joke, for all the hockey ignoramuses out there!


Delicious-Duck1782 t1_j6d9bsc wrote

A big Weight has been lifted. Thanks for LeClair-ifying


JFKRFKSRVLBJ t1_j6dae7p wrote

It’s about time we Bure the Hackett!


Delicious-Duck1782 t1_j6dbcly wrote

Hasek-onded! Osgood this feud is over.


JFKRFKSRVLBJ t1_j6dd4z1 wrote

Let’s go out for some Thereon mc-Fleury’s at Lanny Macdonald’s.


JFKRFKSRVLBJ t1_j6ddm2r wrote

Orr Weight! I don’t have any Cashman.


Delicious-Duck1782 t1_j6dm6ys wrote

Was going to suggest Coffey or Greek food. I'm really in the mood for Kalamata Bryzg-olives.


NeedSomeBunny2Love t1_j6bu7zc wrote

I saw this and spit out my Coffey


markonedublyew t1_j6bwprr wrote

It's Tikkanen me off, how Lowe some people stoop for a joke.


duddun2000 t1_j6gogwd wrote

It is pure dumb Luc that all these names fit in here so conveniently.


Fit_Onion_7473 t1_j6bx661 wrote

Osgood that ends good, Orr something like that ,nHowe I'm just Malkin a fool of myself


Metboy1970 t1_j6c0zyz wrote

She apparently made a Messier all over his face.


rktek85 t1_j6cde64 wrote

Y'all just don't Playfsir. Not gonna sugar Cote it


[deleted] t1_j6c75j6 wrote

Explain the joke, please.


Zero-jiggler t1_j6c9gqs wrote

Wayne Gretzky, ice hockey GOAT. His main man was Mark Messier, pronounced “messy eh”. Thus the joke.


Pay-Homage t1_j6c9o34 wrote

There is a famous hockey player named Mark Messier (pronounced “Messy-eh”), so it’s a play on being “messy, eh” and his last name being Messier to go along with the greatest North American athlete of all time, the Great One - Wayne Gretzky. Who is a famous hockey player, as well.


No-Wonder1139 t1_j6ds3nu wrote

Also they played together and for a time they were #1 and #2 in all time points. Jagr has since moved messier to #3.


Bcruz75 t1_j6c6u89 wrote



Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_j6de1gi wrote

Lol ... Waaa-hahaha (Patrick Roy ('waa') - good one


Bcruz75 t1_j6evbjj wrote

Imagine my first Avs game in Denver, I look at my date and say "who's that Roy guy in net".


Cultural_Attitude_42 t1_j6ewf30 wrote

Lol....😂😂😂 SAME! who in their right mind would name the boy Roy?!?

Want want waa (Roy)!


ChaoticForkingGood t1_j6d8j9o wrote

OK, raise your hand if you read this joke in Shoresy's voice.


DropsTheMic t1_j6drsmi wrote

I too watch sportsball and understand this joke.


MakesMyHeadHurt t1_j6f6rgf wrote

Still better than what happened when Sean Connery asked his wife to sit on his face.


Hutch25 t1_j6d6p87 wrote

How dare you make such a vile joke about Canadas sell out, betting against his own team, HERO!


mr_lab_rat t1_j6eb35h wrote

LOL, I thought it was gonna go in the other direction. Looks up and says "yeah, looks just like him"


SladeWade t1_j6eu3yg wrote

This joke just made my day. You should totally share this with /r/NHL


mexicanmorman t1_j6fuj87 wrote

A guy gets pulled over by the cops. The cop sees a newspaper from Canada. “ you from Canada?” The cop asks. “ no way! Only 2 things that comes from Canada are whores and hockey players!” “ my wife is from Canada.” Says the cop. “ what team does she play for?”


RealBakedSalmon t1_j6cjwr4 wrote

...then he proceeded to get a hat trick on her.


ibleedrosin t1_j6crr9s wrote

Personal story. I can’t stand Wayne Gretzky. I worked at a country club that he was a member of. He would come to play golf and drop his demon kids off at the front door to hang out in the club all day. They would terrorize the staff. They would destroy the bathrooms. They would walk straight in the kitchen while we were busy like it was no big deal. The cooks would joke about “accidentally” burning the shit out of one of them one day. Gretzky sucks.


Soleserious OP t1_j6dwv9w wrote

Yeah his wife and kids are definitely entitled and do what ever they want. Cuz of Wayne. And he is a really snobby ass I’ve heard too.


DeplorableKurt t1_j6dilhp wrote

Lol Mark wouldn’t do that


No-Wonder1139 t1_j6druxv wrote

I seem to remember something in Gretzky's autobiography about the Moose and Gretzky's wife playing pranks on Wayne to make him think that it was happening.


BrockVegas t1_j6e1fm2 wrote

For some reason, I just know that it is time for OP to schedule a colonoscopy...


Soleserious OP t1_j6e1y8d wrote

Nah man I’m in my 30’s don’t need that yet lol


Geoff300 t1_j6golyo wrote

I think Wayne is taking it to her five-hole tonight.


AversePoet t1_j6pgfn3 wrote

At least Wayne showered after 3 periods.


Sonabaybeach t1_j6dro4m wrote

Is this actually a good joke in r/jokes?!


gk101991 t1_j6cth00 wrote

I want to laugh at this joke, but can't knowing that Gretzky's wife isn't Canadian (she's from St. Louis, MO).


Filberrt t1_j6cy6jg wrote



JefftheDoggo t1_j6foe60 wrote

This would've worked best with Messier.


Soleserious OP t1_j6fom4i wrote

The joke is with messier.


JefftheDoggo t1_j6foty8 wrote

His wife is referencing Messi, the soccer player. If instead of Gretzky he used messier, it would have been:

Messy, eh

No its me, Messier


Soleserious OP t1_j6foy2r wrote

This joke has nothing to do with a soccer player. You completely missed it I guess. Lol


rrazac01 t1_j6ctgmv wrote

You could flip this joke and get it a bit cruder

Mr and Mrs Gretzky had a night out on the town and decided to stay at the 4seasons instead of driving back home that night. The Mrs put on the complimentary silk eye mask and fell asleep but late into the night Mr Gretzky woke and needed some relief. He shook the Mrs who grunted her yes and he proceeds to have his way with her, blowing a huge load across her face and chest when he was done. Proud of his accomplishment, Wayne says to her “Messy eh?”. She responds “No, I knew it was you Wayne, his cum is thicker and smells like poutine.”


Sonabaybeach t1_j6eq0oa wrote

Shouldn’t it be he cums all over HER face, and SHE responds “Messy eh?”

To which he responds “no it’s me Wayne”


EternityOnDemand t1_j6f3oae wrote



Sonabaybeach t1_j6f46br wrote

Why would she cum on Gretzky’s face and mistake her messy cum for being on the face of Mark Messier?


EternityOnDemand t1_j6f58o2 wrote

You're not that good at jokes, are you. Let me get out the crayons for you:

  1. She doesn't mIsTaKe hEr CuM foR bEiNg oN tHe FacE of MarK MesSiEr
  2. She came on Gretzky's face and said "Messy, eh?"
  3. Gretzky is the one that made the mistake of assuming she thought Gretzky was actually Mark Messier going down on her when she said "Messy, eh?"
  4. Hence Gretzky responding saying, 'no, it's me Wayne... [not Messier]'........ 🤦‍♂️

iCatmire t1_j6c8d6z wrote

Your dick is little like Wayne Gretzky

But Gretakys got a big dig: clarification

Everyone was rude to me: Paris vacation


digitaleJedi t1_j6ce1n5 wrote

You forgot the colon in the first line :) But nice to see you listened to the teacher and didn't use semicolons


_drimzy t1_j6be97s wrote

The wife takes her mask off, and says Hi wayne, this is dad.


notmyrealnam3 t1_j6dkc1u wrote

You miss 100% of the lame jokes you don’t make


_drimzy t1_j6f71kq wrote

I have a 100 regrets, not cracking a lame joke ain't one of them!