A knife is like a penis…

Submitted by mach16lt t3_1182etu in Jokes

It’s not about how big it is, it’s about how effective you are at making someone regret their decisions when you whip it out.

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Comments

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ravs1973 t1_j9f0t14 wrote

Now I'm thinking about a very different version of crocodile Dundee where Paul Hogan lobs his cock out and says 'that's not a penis, this is a penis"

307

FunnyGoNow t1_j9gerq1 wrote

A knife is like a penis…

For some silly reason, strangers get nervous when you try and show it to them.

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MonkeyTesticleJuice t1_j9ew2tn wrote

Which is why I had surgery to replace mine with a fake one that has a switchblade installed in it.

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mehfff t1_j9ewqbr wrote

Same, i prefer bayonets though.

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MonkeyTesticleJuice t1_j9ewy16 wrote

You know what this means right? We have to have a dick blade fight to the death!

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tedead t1_j9exipn wrote

Me, being a carpenter, I went with the sawtooth blade option. I even have the sawing motion down.

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Fantastic_Fox4948 t1_j9i0z36 wrote

So…like a dance fight, but even somehow more gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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SKRYMr t1_j9fquqy wrote

This reminds me of a really dark one:

Having sex is like spreading butter... You can try with a credit card but it's much easier with a knife.

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anish9208 t1_j9gz6wb wrote

someone always screams when you take it out abruptly in public

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Gamecube76 t1_j9fm8cg wrote

If you show it at school, every one is gonna frick out

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noisypeach t1_j9hyhc5 wrote

A knife is like a penis...

It's a fucking weapon

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sharksnut t1_j9ic910 wrote

A knife is like a penis… people overreact when you whip it out in junior high choir practice

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p17s82 t1_j9gwhya wrote

If you use it instead of fork when eating, it’s considered bad manners

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CurtisLinithicum t1_j9hbg7t wrote

It looks scary and it can kill you if someone sticks it in you, but a good hard lateral yank will snap it.

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shilohflys t1_j9hch2m wrote

When you dagger that deek

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Nonskew2 t1_j9hft9l wrote

And how deep it can penetrate

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Fingersmeller t1_j9hhmdt wrote

So, you are saying you have a small penis? Noted.

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I-eat-children-yum t1_j9hq2di wrote

I was thinking because it could send someone to prison, but that works too i guess.

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bubbaspock t1_j9hrjn8 wrote

The hammer is my penis.

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Dogamai t1_j9i92v7 wrote

well them im highly effective

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JAYHAZY t1_j9inwgi wrote

...because you can put it in someone?

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Will-Not-Smith t1_j9iqca7 wrote

A knife is like a penis

Everytime I stick it in someone, I go to jail

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Other-Cat-1020 t1_j9iv6oz wrote

I kmife is like a penis... both can be stuck into men and women eithout concent.

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UbiVoiD t1_j9j58jl wrote

If it's soft it's useless.

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TylerWright606 t1_j9j59yj wrote

A knife is like a penis: when you connect 100000 volts to it worms begin to morph out of it and start singing to me in all 3 voices :D

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frapedia-1212 t1_j9j6uhy wrote

A knife is like a penis... I very rarely use knives

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Bugtotes t1_j9jhj87 wrote

Be careful while spooning,

Or you might just get forked.

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McGundam1215 t1_j9gt3nz wrote

A penis is like a knife, everyone laughs at a paring knife but in the end it still kills you

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cherryhilljawnz t1_j9fnipi wrote

No matter what ANYONE has said, size ALWAYS matters

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Suitable_Strawberry2 t1_j9gwu4p wrote

Nah bro. Only to the stupid ones that ruin thereselves early on

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cherryhilljawnz t1_j9gxkku wrote

I totally didn't "ruin" myself. Became homeless, yes. Huge opiate addiction lasting about 15 years, check. Lost a job paying 6 figures, you bet.

So I didn't "ruin" myself

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cherryhilljawnz t1_j9gxqvm wrote

It was more like I sabotaged myself. I used to think, "wow this is going to f future me so hard," I did it anyway

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