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bsuthy t1_ja3a3uc wrote

No one likes the dark ones

−5

d3brecuQUYup t1_ja3cb8y wrote

How is a tiger the opposite of a comma?

​

Answer: A tiger has claws at the end of its paws while a comma's a pause at the end of a clause.

97

Thick_Pipe187 t1_ja3heqa wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,025,239)

Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get! It's a fun surprise, but it can also be a bit of a gamble. You may get something you love, or something you don't like as much. But it's still a tasty treat, no matter what!

9

nedlyest t1_ja3pv7k wrote

Life is like a box of chocolates, someone ate all the good ones and replaced them with cat turds.

I say this all the time in the Forrest voice.

2

Tomi8338 t1_ja3szuj wrote

"you eat the wrong one and you die from diarrhea" is also accepted answer

−2

p17s82 t1_ja3y9do wrote

The ones filled with liquor might seem nice, but they aren’t tasty and not worth it

10

mem269 t1_ja3ztix wrote

It will kill your dog.

14

DanG2DaMan t1_ja40dmu wrote

To quote Forrest Dahmer: "People are like a box of chocolates; eat 'em up. Yum!"

4

Sandpaper_Pants t1_ja415ld wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,025,239)

Dude...Costco chocolates are the fucking best. If you buy shit Russell Stover or some of that other drugstore garbage, you're wasting your money and being misinformed about what chocolates should actually taste like.

1

DriftlessDairy t1_ja4fzle wrote

Women are like a box of chocolates.

The tastiest looking ones are often nutty.

43

VerminReaper t1_ja4qgku wrote

Life is like a box of chocolates - stay outta mine!

38

baddada1 t1_ja4r3an wrote

I always seem to find the toothpaste flavored ones.

12

testaman t1_ja4si6z wrote

How is a box of chocolates like a Thai girl..you never know which one has the nuts

14

Responsible-Pass7902 t1_ja4y61k wrote

Life like a box of chocolates. Their many kinds and flavors but the more weird shit you put in the more you have to lie and convince yourself it's not going to leave a bad taste in your mouth

1

timthedriller t1_ja58zsz wrote

Life is like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might just burn your ass tomorrow

128

Troldemorv t1_ja5hftt wrote

You picked sex, booze, job, wedding, mortgage, kids, tax, divorce, inflation, unemployment, war, depression, homelessness and funeral but you still think the next one might be as good as the first 2 you tried.

2

Cowboy_Reaper t1_ja5n38x wrote

Life is like a bowl of jalapeños.

What you do today may burn your ass tomorrow.

1

SnarfbObo t1_ja5w8mt wrote

a cheap perfunctory gift rife with barely edible excuses and the good bits are fleeting at best. What you're left with is a bunch of rubbish in a box to be carelessly discarded.

2

XxcillianxX t1_ja5yfev wrote

Life is a box of chocolates. Everyone just opens you and takes what u have. Then when you're empty and useless they just throw you away like you're nothing.

1

steveske85 t1_ja6b1zi wrote

As a fat person, this makes me hungry for chocolates.

12

Jenkins64 t1_ja6cxga wrote

I'm offensive and I find this morbidly obese

16

LoyeDamnCrowe t1_ja6otbj wrote

Life is like a box of rocks.

You never know no which one to smoke first

0

master-virus t1_ja77i8y wrote

Life is like going to the toilet, sometimes it easy, sometimes its painful, sometimes it stinks.

2

Switzerland2008 t1_ja7ahxv wrote

Life is like a box of chocolates

You might never know which is the best delicious chocolate and which is the lethally poisonous chocolate.

1

SnarfbObo t1_ja7whlh wrote

Replying to marykatieonline (#2,051,147)

Life is like a box of chocolates, a cheap thoughtless perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for, unreturnable because all you ever get back for it is another box of chocolates, so you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down until there's nothing else left to eat. Sure once in awhile there's a peanut butter cup, english toffee but they're gone too fast and the tastes fleeting. You end with broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth shattering nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those all you've got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrapping.

You deserve it proper like

3

astropiea211 t1_ja818c9 wrote

Life's like a bottle of water Just one drop isn't enough

1