kompootor t1_jacul4t wrote
By beginning with "Two cannibals were...", you preview the punchline; which is fine enough since it's quite funny. But here's a possible amended setup:
> Two shipwrecked castaways are sitting down to their first real meal in weeks. The first one says: ...
This way, it's not completely obvious the punchline will be about cannibalism. I'm sure you could tighten the wording and further conceal it on the setup, making it even more effective.
sorrysorrymybad t1_jacwzgg wrote
Nah, then the punch line gets muddied. Why does the second castaway now miss the sister? Is it because the first one brought it up?
By setting the scene of them being castaways the listener would more naturally attribute the missing-feeling to isolation as opposed to resource constraints.
Too easy to miss the punchline in the ambiguity. The original was fine.
kompootor t1_jad59r9 wrote
You're right, the castaways doesn't work. There's gotta be another setup, though, that is a little more subtle than the the cannibals.
whatwhatinthewhonow t1_jaegmle wrote
I get what you’re saying. The setup is that they’re cannibals and the punchline is that they’re cannibals. Maybe the punchline could change to make the sister a really good chef or something. I’m not gonna come up with it though, it’s up to you, kompootor.
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