Submitted by ChurchOfAdonitology t3_11crg7n in Jokes
Gum
Submitted by ChurchOfAdonitology t3_11crg7n in Jokes
Gum
What kind of food are you eating?
Pasta?
Dry Spaghetti out of the box.
Uncooked ramen bricks
Wet the dry Dry the wet Wet the dry Dry the wet Wet the dry
Spaghetti and Chicken Parm for dinner it is!
Takis
Don't forget the unbearable burning sensation. That's a key part of the Takis(tm) experience!
Pringles mostly. Sometimes Funyuns if I’m feeling groovy.
The cracker diet
Beef jerky, mostly
Crisps
Frozen sausages
Skulls, bones, the usual
For some people it still comes out hard and dry. Or just won’t come out…
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Worst. Soup. Ever.
Especially noodles
If your food is coming out soft and wet, its definitely diarrhea...
Note to self - don’t read r/Jokes during lunch hour .. ever again!
Why is your food coming out?
I take that back. I just remembered there’s the other end to consider
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Lol
But stiff and comes out hard in my experience.
If you're lucky...
if all you eat is grains maybe
Digestive in a cup of tea
Your digestive comes out?
The trick is to only do the 2 second rule
2 seconds hardly seems worth it. Not enough time for any tea/coffee to soak into the biscuit or even melt the chocolate.
Are you talking digestives or hobnobs, different entity
The King of Biscuits - McVities Chocolate Digestives!
Yep, but take into account they have a chocolate barrier, so I agree, the dunk needs to be longer to absorb required amount of tea. ☕️
Agree. But caution is in order for those who are yet uninitiated! There are currently no Rehab Clinics for McVites Digestives. A resource Digestive consumers resolutely don’t want, but desperately need!
I see, I guess my digestives hate me
Spaghetti
Knees weak mom’s spaghetti?
😆
That’s the vomit on his sweater already
Taco bell
What goes in stiff, comes out wet, and smells like fish.
The scuba diver.
Why was the scuba diver stiff?
Didn’t clean his swimsuit after last time
A burial
Or the hooker in my car boot
Trying to defrost bread in the microwave.
When I had braces, I actually did this. Especially when the old thread was just replaced by a new/smaller thread. My teeth hurt pretty bad, so I didn't want to have to chew much.
I found it that microwaving frozen slices of bread with peanut butter and chocolate sprinkles made them come out so soft and warm that I didn't even really need to chew at all (as long as I finished it before it cooled down, because after a while it would become pretty tough and hard)
「 SOFTU AND WET 」
Was looking for this comment
WAIT WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE I KNOW THIS ONE ITS WHEN THE PENIS AND THE VAGINA HAVE SEX YEAH I THINK
Please don't shout. Also you might think about using lube.
Oh god😂
Scotch
Spaghetti
Gum ... if it's far enough in the bum.
Me in your mom
If your first thought is 'penis', you may need to consider applying lube or saliva beforehand. Going in dry is very chafing and would cause discomfort for both you and your partner.
Like his hand is gonna complain
Ramen
My mind is in the gutter smh
No, you read the question....nowhere is there a reference to food in the question.....so the answer is clearly ....a dick. Ticks all the boxes *pun intended. Not a wrong answer imo
Cement ?
any nut tho i dont like the way it comes out
Lube is your friend
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Except for Gremlins.
At least tell the full freakin' joke.
The full joke is there
Lazy, huh, cool, it's Sunday.
Glad you can tell days... now go look... the full joke is up there
Can't read, huh, it's ok, little Johnny.
Asian pears after 267 weeks in my fridge
That’s far too many weeks to be in a refrigerator.
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My first thought was noodles.
Your mom at confession.
Crusty Jizz sock in the washing machine
Teabag
Tea bags are hard?
You can also blow it
Thought it was a towel but sure
Your towels are hard? Might want to wash them
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What's long, stiff and full of seaman.
A submarine.
A penis during sex. Oh right, this is Reddit....
Tetley tea bag
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Spaghetti
Penis after sex
Mud caked clothes?
Boiled eggs!
Pasta
Pasta
Washcloth in the shower
Tea
A Russian soldier in Ukraine
A murder victim. Bury them while they're in rigor mortis. They come out moist and gooey when the police dig them up.
Source: I didn't do anything wrong, I want a lawyer.
You don't need a lawyer... just be rich... or plead the 5th
Spaghetti
Depends how long it's in for
Paper straw
Pasta
Pasta and rice
almost everything
Noodles? Yes
Biscotti.
Pasta
Noodles
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Bubble gum
A dead body fed through a chipper
He was a smart and adaptable man!
As my lesbian friend once told me, most women are like pasta: rigidly straight until they get wet.
Sponge
Tea bag
Noodles?
What goes in soft and wet and comes out hard and dry?
Too much gum.
Microwave fries
Pasta.
Mom's spaghetti
You knowwww
Penis
A sponge
Laundry!
Jeez people its not so hard. its obviously a dick! lmao
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Tampon
Penis
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Dick
Is this a joke, or just a fact?
A teenager’s 10 day old cum sock.
A penis
gross
Dried pasta
Diarrheia
My dick?
Pasta
Ice cream bar...
Penis
Sponge
Me after litterally one beer
What's grey and wrinkly and hangs out Grandpa's boxer shorts...? : : : : : Grandma!
Laundry & a washing machine?
Me when last night oh wait gum works too
sponge
Noodles but ok also gum
Any metal when it goes past melting point
Also penis
Soap bar
Laundry
A paper straw.
Muddy shoes in the washing machine
spaghet
Spaghetti?
An oreo cookie or a penis. 😁
An egg lol
A sponge
My sweet bread in the coffee!
This dick
Olympic diver?
Tea bag
A sponge
Specifically, Triscuts.
Gum goes in soft but stiff and comes out hard in my experience
Unless you lick it first
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“A duck!”
teenage boys socks before theyre washed
Tide Pods
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A penis
Pasta, stuffing
I was going to say gum stuck on a penis, but gum works too.
Gum more like cum haha (i am in desperate need of medical attention)
Let me noodle on that for a bit
Cucumbers 😩
A biscuit dipped in tea or coffee
In hard and dry? You’re doing it wrong.
Tea bag
Pasta?
A penis
Yes pasta too... how is this a joke?
Why is it a but? Shouldn’t it be what goes in hard AND comes out wet
Lubricunt
Chewing gum.
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Thank you Captain Obvious
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Yes. The punchline is the subversion of this not being the answer
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Turboteg90 t1_ja4n3t2 wrote
Most food really.