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feitiuk t1_j96yi20 wrote

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he is drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, ‟Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, ‟No, what?” ‟He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!” says the bartender. ‟Yeah, that does not surprise me,” replies the patron. ‟He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I‘ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he is in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. ‟Did you see what your monkey did now?” ‟Now what?” asks the patron. ‟Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.

‟Yeah, that doesn‘t surprise me,” replies the patron. ‟He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”

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svn380 t1_j98alqk wrote

This is basically the same joke that my father learned as a boy in Amsterdam a century ago!

In the old version, it's a monkey with a peach who tries out the size of the pit before putting back into the peach and eating it.

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Apprehensive-Bit1864 t1_j9axp7b wrote

Damn man, that's exactly the joke my father told me. And he heard that more than 50 years ago. And we live in Albania loool.

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Sir_Guinness27 t1_j972q1c wrote

Joke in the comments always proves to be better

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el_ojo_rojo t1_j990p8s wrote

You might enjoy r/therealjoke because it is often true!

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ambridge1027 t1_j97wlux wrote

This joke made me miss drinking in the social clubs I grew up in. It crosses the line without crossing the line. Can almost tell this joke in church, almost.

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ilikemydawgs t1_j989flm wrote

Did you hear about the kid that wanted a pink ping pong ball?

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th3wheel t1_j9c9zmy wrote

There is a tribe in Africa that has a proverb that loosely translates: “The elephant knows the size of his butthole before he swallows the coconut”.

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gthrees t1_j9898el wrote

not a joke - i've seen videos with that - it's like a string of maraschinos.

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NerdyGeek42 t1_j98skpq wrote

One of the first dirty jokes I ever heard. I love it every time

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shadowwulf-indawoods t1_j994sxm wrote

I first read that joke about 25 years ago. I was way short on sleep, and I read it, pictured the monkey straining, and laughed until tears rolled down my checks. It still brings a smile just based on that memory.

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Independent_Day_9913 t1_j9b2c2w wrote

Yeah it's kind of funny anything about sticking things in your ass is always good you're the one about the blonde who stuck something in her ass probably not because my dick is still in there

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