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I recently was diagnosed with a medical condition and was subject of a lot of judgement. Being on the receiving end made me realise how horrible it feels. I really want to change my own behaviour and am wondering how.

I noticed that I myself am Quick to jump to judgment, even if I don't share it out loud. So how to I change my line of thought?

One of the hardest things about changing any part of our behavior, especially where our brain jumps to, is it takes time and patience, so be gentle with yourself.

I recommend watching the video “This is Water” by David Foster Wallace. It’s part of a commencement speech he gave, but it’s about choosing the way we think rather than falling into our “natural default settings.” It helped me a lot on my own journey of being less judgemental.

Good luck with everything.

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judgment is normal. it can be advantageous, knowing how to read dangerous people before things happen. if you were oblivious to everyone, you wouldnt stay safe. if youre not acting on your judgment i dont see the problem. im always roasting people in my head “WHAT ARE THOSEEEE” but i dont say anything, i just go on about my day.

Just realise that people have come to where they are on a different path with different experiences to you. They may know more than you, or they may know less. You can't change people to be like you and you will go mad trying, you can only help people who want it. Other than that it sounds like you already have a new perspective to build on. And honestly a little judgement is fine, you aren't made of stone, but just make sure you don't hurt anyone in the process and are there if they need you.

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I agree with the comment that judging is normal. Every creature makes judgements about every situation it's in. Trying to completely turn that off might make a person more susceptible to risks.

I think it's more important to learn not to act on every little judgement that comes to mind.

The Boomer generation I know talked shit about every one. That behavior and thinking gets passed down. It sucks to be on the receiving end. I work on it and I will not do that to my child and will break the cycle.

Beats me. I hate the kind of people that ask this.

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Were you just r/whooshitywhoosh-whoosh'd?

Or a counter sort of /s²? Hmmmm.....I'm going to have to think about this one. It just might have been crafty.

This is a tall ask in todays environment. I like to think of the parable of the "public door". People tend to give the benefit of the doubt and unjudgingly open a door for a random person entering a store or market. It's a random act of kindness to a stranger. That stranger could be an unfaithful husband, or cruel to animals....yet you opened the door for him or her. Be humble, practice random acts of kindness, and ask yourself do you have faults that justify others to judge you? But if they are cruel to animals, spit in their face and key their car!

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Thanks and just watched. Really interesting and very helpful.

Perhaps that's the nuance that I mean then 🤔 I feel like I judge negatively to quickly, without knowing the story or facts, for example. I'd like to keep a more open mind.

Will do haha!

Your response made me realise I mean I don't want to jump to negative conclusions to quickly, perhaps. I stead of just judging.

Meh, judge away. Life’s too short for shitty people. Just keep the judgements to yourself and don’t be a bigot. 🍻

This is also an interesting pov. Thanks!

You’re welcome.

I struggled with this when I was younger. Still not perfect by any means.

What helped me the most was by mindfully slowing down my thoughts and reactions. Giving yourself a couple extra seconds to respond can do wonders if practiced over time.

Also try to build more diverse peer groups, travel, and read read read!

Great tip!

We all have automatic thoughts that we cannot control, we can however notice them and challenge them.

What I like to do is when I notice my brain creating a judgement or prejudice against someone, to create a story that’s the opposite. For example, when someone cuts me off they could be a jerk or they could be on the way to see their dying grandmother for the first time and need to make it to the hospital. A person steps out in traffic without looking could be an idiot but they could be distracted by a text saying their dog got hit by a car.

I find that the longer I catch my immediate thoughts and create stories like this, the kinder that initial thought becomes (we’re talking years here) the very first step is noticing it happening, the second is finding a way to be kinder in thought.

Acceptance. Accept what you can’t control. Don’t have to like it. Accept it. Move on.

Dude. The topic was "how to become a less judgey person?"

So the first thing I do is be a judgey person. That's not self-evident sarcasm?

Don't care. You were just judgey twice now, so whatever. This is getting too mired in muck to follow...

Assume that external factors lead to persons behavior, not something intrinsic in a person. Person acted irrationally not because he is "dumb", but because he was distracted or there is a misunderstanding or he dropped out of school at 16 cuz money issues.

Just stop giving a shit about other people

It was a joke, precious.

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I read somewhere that your first though is what you were taught to think and your second thought it what you actually think. (It was worded better though).

This helped me accept and reflect on those initial judgments. To be able to notice that I thought something negative, then follow-up with it and correct myself internally. The more I did this the more the judgy thoughts felt like my own and the less common they became.

Hmmmmmm are you being judgmental?

The main thing is being aware when you’re making a judgement that’s unearned. Then, you try to balance it with something more positive.

“That person looks homeless, I bet they’re a lazy drug addict”

—> That person has probably had a very hard life and probably wishes they had the skill and opportunity needed to change their circumstances

“You have to be stupid to end up stuck serving pizza at her age”

—> Not everyone has access to quality education, even if they’re plenty smart enough to succeed

“My friend is such a childish geek, watching kids’ cartoons all the time.”

—>My friend has a harmless hobby and even if it’s unusual, there’s nothing with that

Remember: it’s not your first thoughts that define you, it’s your second thoughts. If you don’t buy into the judgements that spring into your head, they don’t mean anything.

What I try to do is to find something to compliment. "What a beautiful blouse." "That tattoo is great, where'd you get it?" "What an awesome car!" That type of thing. It helps keep me thinking positively about people and I'd like for people to feel good about themselves if they interact with me.

BTW, your ability to express yourself is fantastic. I wonder if you are a writer.

Thanks so much! I am not a writer but my husband has complimented me on it before. I'm not sure why, haha. English is not my first language.

Your tip is wonderful and a great exercise to try. In combination with not responding on your first thought. I have ADHD so it can be difficult sometimes.

/s?

Someone else posted this as well. This is a great outlook and I surprisingly.hadnt heard it before. I will try to emphasise this to myself throughout the day.

This Is Water: https://youtu.be/eC7xzavzEKY

Learn Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It will help you get better at identifying and learning from judgments (including self-judgments and judgments others throw at you) to build self-awareness, empathy and empathic communication skills.

Spacemanspliff 🌲

Being judgamental is not a bad thing. Being too judgamental is. For me, I like to take some time and evaluate if my first reaction was fair or not. But if I think my first reaction was fair, I'm not feeling bad for thinking that way.

Having an amazing sense of humility has helped me immensely. That being said this is one of the dumbest questions I’ve come across in years. Nonetheless, humility enables me to avoid judgement. Sarcasm helps as well. Comments from the low IQ population are welcomed.

I mean not really. I don’t mean in the sense of like I don’t give 2 fucks about you, but more in the context of live and let live. For example if someone wears something that you think is offensive (passing judgement) you are the one with the problem not them. think about what it is that is upsetting you and internalize it. Think about what it’s like in their shoes, and why they find it acceptable. Then think about what it’s ACTUALLY doing to you. it’s not physically affecting you so why bother with even spending energy fixating on it? You do you type of thing.

If none of this has any meaning, and I don’t feel very compelled to give it any meaning, why the fuck are people so upset if I chose to end it?

I judge but then I remember it’s meaningless to care because it’s just water. It’s all recyclable and it’s impossible for me change any of it.

In the past I’ve tried helping people only to be shunned or refused. When I ask for help it evaporates.

I don’t fucking care about any of you.