Submitted by jcujcu t3_12768d6 in LifeProTips
[removed]
Comments
wintersucks50 t1_jefj8b8 wrote
This is the best advice!!
Random_Raw_Dogger t1_jeczvan wrote
8 years ago, I was the one to tell my 10 year old nephew that his father (my brother) had passed from an aneurysm at 32 years old.
There were a few immediate family members present. I started off by reminding my nephew how much his dad loved him and reminded him of the memories they had that day (that day was Christmas, he was found the following morning)
I then explained to my nephew that his dad went to sleep the night before and passed in his sleep peacefully. I went on to explain to him that death is a part of life that we all experience at some point, that it is a part of living and a part of nature. I reminded him that just because he left this world, it doesn't mean he was going to leave our hearts.
He immediately began to cry, and we consoled him. We told him that it was OK to be sad. That grieving is part of the process of healing.
It took some time for him to process everything, but we made sure he knew his feelings were valid, that he could talk about it with us whenever he wanted. We didn't try and sugarcoat it. We did our best to let him see our emotions without us losing control ourselves (at least while he was present).
There's no "right" way to break this kind of news to a child other than to be honest and be supportive and understanding of their emotions.
[deleted] t1_jecvf59 wrote
When my grandfather died, my kids, 4 and 2, were comforted by the oldest’s realization that he was now with our recently deceased dog and Jimi Hendrix. Sorry for your loss.
DauOfFlyingTiger t1_jed19ju wrote
It’s always best to tell your kids the truth, particularly if they are anxious people. They really need to be able to trust you. Just tell the truth. A very sad thing has happened to your Uncle, he died unexpectedly. I just had to tell my nieces this when my daughter died unexpectedly a few months ago. A heart attack at 28, natural causes. It was very hard, but telling them the truth allowed me to answer their fears and questions with the truth. I am sorry for your loss.
[deleted] t1_jecvyeg wrote
[deleted]
ashton8177 t1_jecwpks wrote
Sorry for your loss. My kids have lost an uncle to suicide, an aunt to a car accident, and a grandfather to drowning. We found the best way was to be straightforward and not sugar coat it. They are probably too young to fully comprehend the full long-term consequences. Children are resilient and getting it said is the hard part. Answering any questions honestly and avoiding ambiguous terminology is key.
jcujcu OP t1_jecyj7w wrote
oh wow, that sounds like a complicated situation for sure (especially the suicide talk).. I appreciate your feedback.. Hope you and your kids are doing well 👊
TodaysOpinion t1_jedenql wrote
Maybe tell them separately. The older ones could be much more understanding and emotional and the youngest may be a little too nonchalant. I remember just repeating, yes, dead, never coming back. Dead dead. Yes, totally dead to my 3 year old about my grandma, then she went off to play while my 5 year old cried about it often for months.
augustus331 t1_jeemxkn wrote
If you take your kids seriously you'll be straight-forward with them. Life is not the collection of rainbows and butterflies that kids think it is and the sooner they learn this, the more resilient they will become towards the many difficulties of life.
wintersucks50 t1_jefj4ke wrote
This site has a lot of great resources
The main thing is to be honest and use the correct words. You want to be age appropriate. The 2 yr old won’t understand so it’s mostly about the 6 yr olds.
keepthetips t1_jecs0bd wrote
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
PanSmithe t1_jectr8v wrote
Have you ever spoken to them of end of life or death? Even in the context of seasons/ flowers?
jcujcu OP t1_jecxhay wrote
Yes, the kids know that everyone will die some day.. Their maternal grandfather died before they born so we have had the talk of why he’s not around anymore..
dustybooksaremyjam t1_jecv84z wrote
Pretty sure most 6 year olds have been taught about death. Unless OP is some religious weirdo, those kids already know what death is.
The question is more about phrasing to lessen the blow.
ftstud t1_jed1dd2 wrote
What religious weirdos conceal death from their children?
roo-ster t1_jee9s7f wrote
Most of them. They replace it with nonsense about immortality in some wonderful place that’s totally made-up, where they’ll be reunited with dead friends and family.
ftstud t1_jeeaknc wrote
Ah. You’re thinking of the afterlife, not death. All major religions that I know of do not shy away from death. How could they? We have to get to that afterlife somehow, eh?
PanSmithe t1_jef0s7o wrote
You'd be surprised how many children are not taught about death. When my MIL died, one 8 yo was not allowed to attend the funeral bc she was "too young"
[deleted] t1_jed7za6 wrote
[removed]
skunksmasher t1_jedjbb0 wrote
make playdough figures
[deleted] t1_jeeyzx0 wrote
[deleted]
ajmacbeth t1_jegazcz wrote
Just be straight with them. Children are remarkably more mature than they are given credit for. How you handle it is how they’ll forever remember. Be calm, not overly emotional, and forthright.
Example: “Kids, I have some difficult news. Your uncle died yesterday. “ And then answer their questions simply and to the point. Treat them as if you believe they can handle it, and they will likely handle it just fine.
smilersal t1_jegso8q wrote
Our puppy died when he was just twelve months old. My kids were 5 and 9. We told them he “had died”.
The five year old was sad and cried. She told everyone the “Buster died”. A few months later she asked “When is Buster coming back?”
So I think I would add “Buster died and we won’t see him again” or something similar so they understood it is finite. Otherwise they’re just in a sadness holding pattern
freddom_is_a_lie t1_jed5155 wrote
As Christians we’d just say that he’s with God now.
rededelk t1_jecwbq8 wrote
They will soon forget, maybe tell them he's got a bum ticker in the mean time
BashfullyBi t1_jecx2tu wrote
"Your uncle died."
I asked a child psychologist about this when I experienced it with my kids, and she said that it's important to use the word "dead" or "died" with young children.
Telling a child something like "he's gone to sleep and won't wake up" can make them fearful of failing asleep and not waking up (either for themselves, or another loved one).
Likewise, something like "he's in the sky now." Is meaningless and confusing. Will he be back? Can I go too? Why not? Etc.
Also, don't say something like "he went to the hospital, and won't be coming back." for the same reason.
Basically, try not to give them a new fear, on top of everything else. Just use clear, unambiguous language. Answer any questions they might have, and talk about him.
Don't make him a taboo subject, or something to be discussed in hushed tones. Ask them how they feel about it often over the next week/month. Feelings change and we all process things at our own pace.
Remember that talking about it isn't going to make them feel worse. It can only make them feel better. They need to know you are a safe place for their emotions - big, small, "good" or "bad" (no such thing as a bad emotion!)