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Preposterous_punk t1_je6nyi2 wrote

If you keep kicking your friend’s cat, and laughing and continuing when they tell you to stop, and then they yell and call you an AH… That is not 100% them and 0% you.

If you ask a person out and they say no, so you start following them around insisting they give you a chance and yelling at them whenever they smile at someone else, until they tell you they don’t find you attractive and they’ll report you if you don’t leave them alone… That is not 100% them and 0% you.

If you’re constantly critical of people and insist on being “brutally honest” and ignore their feelings and they stop inviting you to parties and tell you they don’t want you around… That is not 100% them and 0% you

If a person finds that people get angry at them a lot, they need to examine their own behavior and figure out why. Going through life with an attitude of “everything I do is automatically fine and other people’s reactions to me are about them, not me” is going to lead to a difficult, lonely life.

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Waiting-For-October OP t1_je6rxsf wrote

That isn’t what I meant though. Those examples aren’t mean though. I mean like back handed compliments, passive aggressiveness etc

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Preposterous_punk t1_je6tnm6 wrote

That’s why a one-size-fits-all tip doesn’t work, though. “Mean” is not a clear enough term. I think a lot of people would view someone saying “I think you’re unattractive and I don’t want you around me, leave me alone!” as mean. And sometimes it is mean, and a bizarre response to someone asking to be handed a napkin. Sometimes it is a reasonable and desperate reaction to unacceptable behavior. Same with the other examples. But if someone walks into a room and says “a girl just said I’m ugly and shouldn’t come near her,” and people respond with “OMG how mean! That’s about her, not you!” the person is going to continue on acting in appropriately and feeling sure they’re not the problem.

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[deleted] t1_je6to8w wrote

[deleted]

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Waiting-For-October OP t1_je6tz05 wrote

Yea I could probably edit it to remind people what “mean” actually is, but at this point it’s pointless since I realize posting in this sub attracts too many abusive psychos so I’m just gonna forget about it.Thanks for the input though.

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