LPT How can I get better at being more approachable and making eye contact?

Submitted by SuccessfulManifests t3_1273mmx in LifeProTips

Whenever I'm at social gatherings I feel a little insecure and hesitant to start conversations or approach people. I'm always afraid I'll be judged or looked at as lame

I'm a naturally charismatic and charming person when I get comfortable in my environment. But before then I feel internally in edge because I'm more concerned about knowing who's who as opposed to throwing myself at people. How can I stop overthinking and become confident? Also how do I make eye contact.

It's literally become a lifelong habit...I've always avoided eye contact ever since I was a child and It's become so a part of my life that it's not unconscious. I feel people automatically look down on me because of this trait.

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Gurkeprinsen t1_jece0y7 wrote

When it comes to eye contact, if it makes you uncomfortable, try to stare at the nasal bridge between their eyes. It will look like you are maintaining eye contact with them while in reality you are faking it.

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ryota221 t1_jecesxj wrote

I think I subconsciously taught myself this when I get uncomfortable!

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BeardedGingerWonder t1_jecj3r0 wrote

Looking at the tip of their nose can look more natural and less like you're trying to out stare them.

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turtleheadmaker t1_jed6gt8 wrote

I'd recommend you stop caring about the eye contact. You are who you are and that's fantastic. Embrace that's just how you do things. By feeling more comfortable with exactly who you are not who you want to be, you'll show your charismatic side sooner.

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Kirahei t1_jecglzi wrote

I would start by stop saying that “you avoid eye-contact”, I know it sounds silly but it works, and then also practice looking into your own eyes in the mirror and slowly graduate to your close friends, then stranger’s nose bridge when you introduce yourself and so on.

It’s basically exposure therapy which is the best way to treat discomfort/phobia; I’m not saying you’re cripplingly afraid of eye-contact but it is a spectrum of fear.

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jesse-taylor t1_jecn307 wrote

Use your friend group to help you. In a situation with people you don't know, have one of your friends work with you and introduce topics into the conversation... asking your opinion on something, for example. Then you can begin the interaction by looking at and interacting with a person you already know well and feel comfortable with. Then that friend can engage a different person and bring them into the conversation and you can follow their interaction with your eyes on the stranger. Look at the person and nod or whatever when appropriate, even if they are not looking directly at you, and listen. If you relax and focus on what they are saying, while they are talking to (and looking at) your friend, you will likely become more comfortable talking to (and looking at) that new person. It's a place to start, anyway.

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reticulatingsplines1 t1_jeedlqi wrote

I have always just looked at peoples mouths and that has always been more effective then the nasal bridge method. They still can’t tell.

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keepthetips t1_jecdabg wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

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aftenbladet t1_jedu71q wrote

Gain confidence by going to the gym. It sounds like some redpill BS, but there is something to it.

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