LPT Request: How to get my roommate to do the dishes on time?

Submitted by New-Temperature5500 t3_12640c3 in LifeProTips

My roommate does the dishes when we’re COMPLETELY out of clean dishes. We have a system where we alternate washing the dishes. But waiting for her to do the dishes on time is getting super annoying. I always wash the dishes on time, make sure everything’s available for use. And while cooking or eating I don’t use too many utensils. Although when she cooks once she’ll end up using a couple of bowls, spoons, etc. Also, when I do the dishes, I make sure the sink is fully clean. But she does the dishes then cooks later and leaves a lot more dishes in the sink right after so I have to do those. I feel so angry and I feel like the way she acts is super unfair. Any suggestions on what I can do? Should I ask her to buy her own dishes so she doesn’t use up mine when she can’t clean them?

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Salty_Letterhead t1_je7eosn wrote

Make an arrangement where you each have your own dishes. Then you're only responsible for washing yours.

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New-Temperature5500 OP t1_je7ghxb wrote

I was thinking that maybe I can ask her to buy her own dishes but the thing is, our apartment is kinda tiny so there aren’t any cabinets where she can keep her dishes.

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youmustbeanexpert t1_je7j0gl wrote

Wash your own dishes, and if you don't like that your roommate doesn't do dishes just move...that's called being an adult.

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adrien_bear t1_je7kobn wrote

My flatmate and I have a rule - if you leave dishes in the sink, you become responsible for all dishes that get added and have to wash them all. Works for us, we don’t want to do each others washing up, so we clean our dishes pronto

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mvfsullivan t1_je7mhuy wrote

I've had a lot of roommates who did this. What I did was literally let ALL of them pile up, fuck it, if I'm done with them, I throw em in the sink like I dont give a fuck just like them, and then I wash what I need to use. Thats it. Dont do them all, and if they do them all, dont do it back.

Its petty, but eventually they will bring it up and then you will see them commit, otherwise if you play maid its game over. Sort of like a druggy wanting to be clean. You cant force them until they want to be clean, until then fuck it.

It will suck for a bit, especially if the dishes are left unrinsed and the food bits are crusty af, I know, but so far I have had a 100% success rate with even the most pathetic roomies. They will give in eventually

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youmustbeanexpert t1_je7ivdr wrote

You're supposed to just wash your own dishes, what are you a married couple in 1968?

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Ok-Manager9676 t1_je80hss wrote

I wouldn’t take the passive aggressive approach like leaving dishes on her bed. Instead, I would have an honest conversation with her about how you’re unhappy with having dirty dishes out. Offer a solution, such as each of you do the dishes as soon as you’re finished using them. No “if” or “buts,” if you don’t have time for dishes, you don’t have time for cooking either.

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keepthetips t1_je7eh3x wrote

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jonandgrey t1_je7g929 wrote

Come up with a better system. You dirty the dish, you clean the dish. Whatever dishes your roomie leaves dirty, stack them in your roomie's bed.

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New-Temperature5500 OP t1_je7gdbo wrote

I can’t stack them on her bed. Any other solution?

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jonandgrey t1_je7gftt wrote

Leave them stacked right outside of her bedroom door?

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New-Temperature5500 OP t1_je7gqd2 wrote

Honestly, I don’t want to touch the dirty dishes to leave them in front of her door. Maybe as a last resort I’d do this. But the thing is, I bought almost all the dishes and I also cook more often. I know that once I clean the dishes she’ll use the ones I washed and then she won’t clean those either.

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jonandgrey t1_je7h4z6 wrote

Time for a new roommate. That sucks. You can let her know that the dirty dish thing is about mutual respect, not simply about dirty dishes. You can ask her, "What is it about me that makes you think it is ok to disrespect me and my living space?" Be direct. Make it uncomfortable. Essentially asking, "what is it about me that makes you think it's ok to sh*t all over me?"

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New-Temperature5500 OP t1_je7hcwd wrote

Okay this is good. I kinda wanna talk it out first and I’ll use this. I am moving to another place but I have to live with this roommate for around 4 more months.

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New-Temperature5500 OP t1_je7ipds wrote

Before I say this to her, would it be better to just change the arrangement where we both rinse and put our dishes in the dishwasher (by the end of the day probably)? I just want to live here peacefully without any conflicts honestly. 😭

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jonandgrey t1_je7ixnv wrote

That might be a low- confrontation way to do it, but I imagine she won't comply with the rinsing and putting in dishwasher rule...and you will be the one stuck always unloading the clean dishwasher.

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Fun_Amount3063 t1_je8ph1n wrote

Have a frank and honest conversation. Clearly the current system isn’t working so each person needs to wash what they use and the new arrangement needs to be no dirty dishes left overnight. If you have a dishwasher then run it every night if y’all have to, it will actually save money to do so compared to hand washing. And don’t fall for “I’m letting it soak overnight” as no dirty dish ever actually needs to soak that long.

In the same conversation, make it known that this is a deal breaker when it comes to renewing the lease. No change in their behavior means either they will be looking for a new home when the lease it up or you both will. Sometimes the only way to deal with a bad roommate is to no longer be roommates.

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Majestic-Goat-8306 t1_je9xi6i wrote

You want something done in a way that cleary isnt the way they want it done. You are not going to talk them into caring about it the way you do. Have a respectful conversation about what you want, not what you view as their failure. I would say the easiest soloution would be to come up with something they can do more of, that you both think is fair, to compensate for you taking over the dishes entirely.

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Bryan_Mills2020 t1_jea09wl wrote

I had a roommate in college who pulled these same stunts. It got to the point where I just used paper plates and Styrofoam bowls. We had dirty dishes with rotting food that sat piled in the sink for days on end.

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Tittle42 t1_je8mv39 wrote

As a version of this person I’m going to recommend you just get comfortable doing the dishes. I know it’s not fair, and you will constantly talk shit behind their back to your friends….but you are doing that anyway so just man-up and do their dishes. It will save you a lot of stress and imma tell you a bit of a secret…you will likely end up doing this when you get married and for the rest of your life. About 30% of people have clean sinks at the end of the night….that’s because 15% of people are psychopaths like you that care

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