LPT: don't assume dishonesty or malice. You and others' lives will be much happier.

Submitted by Alcoraiden t3_11xrncm in LifeProTips

Edit: My gosh, people. This is not about letting people fleece you for money or abuse you. It's about not judging strangers for their one bad day or their one dumb act or whatever. It's about assuming the best until you know otherwise. It's not about bleeding yourself dry for people or giving up your entire bank account to random scammers. Please knock off the strawmen. People aren't doing things at you the vast majority of the time.

Your perception is your reality. Whatever you see and remember is the only way you will ever know the world...so tailor it for yourself and others.

It never helps anyone to be the person constantly cynical and skeptical of others. If someone tells a surprising story about their life, you can either believe it and marvel, or you can be the buzzkill who calls it out and attempts to debunk it. All you did, in that case, is bother people and look nasty. Believe people when they tell you things.

Choose to believe that the world is kind, and you will treat others better and be treated better in return.

483

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

QueasyAd1142 t1_jd4ldnc wrote

I expect the best and plan for the worst. I’m nice to people but I also have come to know when to say “no” and not feel guilty about it. I never buy a product or service if they have to call me.

52

InspectorMiddle315 t1_jd5smo9 wrote

Sounds like you expect the best, but prepare for the worst telemarketers.

7

QueasyAd1142 t1_jd61yg1 wrote

I still have a landline. I find it a very useful alternative to giving out my cell number to every Tom, Dick & Harry. I get very few telemarketers b/c I screen every call I take. I never answer anything I don’t recognize. They can call 100 times but they’ll just get the old fashioned answering machine b/c, oh yeah, got that, too. Eventually, they just stop calling.

2

Alcoraiden OP t1_jd4n0ec wrote

Treating people charitably does not mean buying their stuff. It means assuming they are not out to get you or horrible human beings.

−5

QueasyAd1142 t1_jd4o3px wrote

It does depend on how often you’ve been taken advantage of but, then, it’s also a part of the experience of life. When you get to a certain age, you understand that almost everything is about the money. It’s up to you to filter what is worth it and what is not. It didn’t used to be that way. Older generations didn’t need contracts. Their word was good enough. Sadly, that is not the case anymore.

6

Spitfir4 t1_jd5a7q6 wrote

I operate on a philosophy assume ignorance before malice.

If you say something offensive I assume you didn't mean to offend me the first time.

29

sekhmet1010 t1_jd75ipu wrote

Same.

My mum always thinks people are trying to hurt her and bother her. It just makes her agonise so much that i have learnt to think a bit differently.

Assume innocence but even if someone is being a bit malicious, just ignore it. It if actually starts bothering me, then i address the thing head on and ask the person if they meant to hurt me. They will obviously say no, but most probably, won't do it again. If they still persist, i cut those people out of my life.

4

Spitfir4 t1_jd76b2s wrote

I think this is pretty solid approach. My mum is always the victim as well and it just seems to torment her and she doesn't want to take control of the situation.

4

AngryAmero t1_jd4h9fg wrote

Ah, to be young and naive again!

Oflr be rich enough that the consequences don't matter.

27

wecangetbetter t1_jd5ilr5 wrote

LPT - Trust but verify.

I trust that people aren't going to fuck me over. But I always do my due diligence to make sure my interests are protected just in case.

22

DoubtfulOptimist t1_jd6e0bb wrote

I never really understood this phrase. Verifying that someone is on the up and up literally means you don’t (fully) trust that person. Otherwise there’s no point in verifying.

3

wecangetbetter t1_jd8fjyt wrote

I trust that my car is going to get me from point A to point B.

Doesn't mean I don't still take it in for routine inspection.

I trust that my doctor isn't giving me bogus advice.

I still get a second opinion before getting a surgery.

2

DoubtfulOptimist t1_jd8ojds wrote

I think it boils down to the meaning of the word trust. If you have to verify, you lack trust. By the way, I’m not arguing with you, I’m just explaining why I think that phrase doesn’t really make sense.

0

SadArchon t1_jd4k5fn wrote

Context is everything.

18

Alain_Durwoden t1_jd575iz wrote

What's the saying? Don't explain with malice what could be attributed to ignorance?

16

underthingy t1_jd6l64t wrote

Why though? Malice is at least understandable.

Ignorance in a lot of cases in unforgivable.

−2

cabalavatar t1_jd5d44f wrote

This is a wonderful recipe to make yourself vulnerable to narcissists and other con artists. I'm sorry, but it's overly optimistic and naïve advice, IMO.

14

Dhunt04 t1_jd5m7le wrote

The responses to this post make me very sad. Wishing you all happiness.

12

Alcoraiden OP t1_jd5y6qu wrote

Me too. People are so jerky about these things. I just want people to be nice. I've felt kinda shitty today because of all these responses...

7

QueasyAd1142 t1_jd6b7wb wrote

There’s nothing wrong with being kind to people. I think everyone would like a little more kindness than what has been demonstrated over the last several years but there’s also nothing wrong with being careful at the same time. There’s things I’ve done in the past or allowed that I would not even think of doing in this day and time.

2

Firm_Transportation3 t1_jd5runu wrote

Never attribute to malice what can better be explained by ignorance.

9

LongBongJohnSilver t1_jd4hlpz wrote

Threw up in my mouth a little.

8

mbulsht t1_jd5hzz7 wrote

Everybody lies. Those that claim they don't and truly mean it are only lying to themselves.

Yes, you shouldn't be a dickhead when people are sharing personal stories, and you shouldn't act as though everyone is out to get you. It does you no good to be the "debbie downer" of your friend group. But there is nothing wrong with preparing for the worst in a given situation. A cynical outlook doesn't form in a vacuum, such things are often born from experience.

The world is a harsh place, people around you are going to try and take advantage of you. It's better to be guarded than to just go around assuming the world is kind.

"Your perception is your reality" is a very naïve way of approaching the world.

This way of thinking is a great way to trick yourself into having a relationship with controlling narcissist. And that's not me being cynical. It's me speaking from experience. The place that cynicism comes from.

8

PhoneQuomo t1_jd5jm2x wrote

This philosophy is from a privileged life, most likely a rich kid who can/has been insulated from the bad people out there and can afford to ignore them.

3

mshorts t1_jd56mph wrote

If you assume incompetence, you will seldom be disappointed.

7

vedderer t1_jd4m2lb wrote

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity#:~:text=In%20philosophy%20and%20rhetoric%2C%20the,its%20best%2C%20strongest%20possible%20interpretation.

6

[deleted] t1_jd5digl wrote

Came to post this. The strength of this is that it is the opposite of the straw man. By strengthening your opponent's position, you strengthen your own.

4

Balanced_thoughts t1_jd5pwie wrote

I love that , I’m going to start implementing this for sure.

6

Exvaris t1_jd67wao wrote

Hanlon’s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Most of the time the world is not out to get you. People are just dumb.

6

FRlEND_A t1_jdwx8r9 wrote

but dumb people can get others in trouble. sometimes even dangerous situations

1

jsveiga t1_jd4je21 wrote

Gosh, lucky the emails from all those Nigerian princes representatives were still in my trash folder! And the ones from the lawyers of those Congo presidents widows. I'm going to help them all.

5

3dogs2nuts t1_jd60523 wrote

So much easier said than done, I’m looking for tips

3

SpiritAnimal_ t1_jd656w4 wrote

All good and true in general, but if you ignore red flags and get suckered by a sociopath, you can end up having a life-changing bad time. Trust, but use your discernment!

3

Catspaw129 t1_jd664t4 wrote

Thanks for the edit that, if I may summarize, says something like:

"People may be having a bad day; but that does not mean they are assholes, so give them some slack; maybe even extra slack. But, by golly: stay away from assholes!".

Did I get that about right?

Cheers!

3

DubiousEgg t1_jd67gid wrote

Hanlon's razor has always proved a good guideline for me.

3

unclesamtattoo t1_jd6n9bi wrote

I work in private practice in the health care field. I've long since lost count of how many patients I've had a bad first impression of, that surprised me once I had the chance to listen to them. A big part of my intake is learning, not just what ails them, but about their work and family life, and often, just how their day has gone. Sometimes they just finished an argument with a loved one or coworker, or are just in pain. Once I get them out of pain, or give them some control of their emotional status, our interactions change and these patients often become my favorites.

3

MadJackAPirate t1_jd6sqy0 wrote

Hanlon's razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

3

Lake_Grass t1_jd8r30v wrote

There is a major difference between being kind and gullible, so don't take this too far. If someone is asking for money or some other form of help that you know isn't right, then don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and say no. But don't forget that people can make mistakes, and don't write them off without giving them a chance.

3

jordan31483 t1_jdas85d wrote

I have a friend who approaches every situation under the assumption someone is going to screw him. His mindset is everyone is a crook until they prove they're not. It's unhealthy.

3

Catspaw129 t1_jd61ifg wrote

I disagree a bit.

If someone cuts you off in traffic (or similar), then I agree: that probably they are not dishonest or malicious.

If someone tries to, say, fleece you for money; that is most likely dishonest/malicious intent.

What folks need to do is learn how discriminate between those scenarios.

2

Alcoraiden OP t1_jd64jfn wrote

I was not intending this tip to be about letting people fleece you. It's about not assuming people are dickheads for doing one small thing that probably had nothing to do with you (like being loud at you or knocking into you or cutting you off in traffic).

2

jp7755qod t1_jd6a0xm wrote

OP “being kind & understanding makes a positive difference in your life”. People of Reddit “Fuck you”.

2

shelf_caribou t1_jd6w24s wrote

Never attribute to malice what can be reasonably explained by incompetence.

2

willy--wanka t1_jd6y170 wrote

Don't mistake ignorance for maliciousness.

2

keepthetips t1_jd4fnii wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

1

[deleted] t1_jd4yfag wrote

Or don't be an idiot. Most people aren't out here for your good.

1

DoubtfulOptimist t1_jd6ed4i wrote

But most people also aren’t actively trying to fuck others over. Life is not a zero-sum game where someone has to lose in order for another person to gain.

4

[deleted] t1_jd6jecv wrote

There are an incredible amount people that live life that way, if our don't believe that then you're not living in reality.

0

FRlEND_A t1_jdwxp5y wrote

agreed. people like op are quite naive. humans are capable of evil. gotta watch our backs

1

YuuHikari t1_jd6xwqu wrote

I don't but everyone around me does, and it's making life more stressful for me

1

mickey831610 t1_jd8z7en wrote

I got you, is anyone else concerned that once people find you to be trusting, they will take advantage or plot your demise? How many times should one get raked over the coals before they are at least cautiously skeptical or, to a further degree, absolutely trusting of no one? Like if I kept getting bit by snakes, at some point isn't it my fault for turning stones in the first place? What did I expect to happen if it has happened so many times before? I'm not wanting to argue, I ask because trust is a true struggle for me.

1

FRlEND_A t1_jdx0u7h wrote

i want to ask you something, OP.

>Choose to believe that the world is kind

i can list more examples but these ones will do for now. there are babies, children and innocent people in this world who get violently assaulted and/or slaughtered like nothing and you can genuinely say that and believe that? that this world is kind?

1

Alcoraiden OP t1_jdx16yu wrote

Well, if you think about that all day, you'll be sad and jump off a bridge, so pick whether you focus on it or not. I choose to mostly not ponder it. Tailor your perception and your mind will follow. I can't save anyone as an individual.

1

DonDonStudent t1_jd5pudn wrote

That’s why eating fast food is getting more value for the same amount. Consistent portions and standards. A drink A side

0

saintash t1_jd6nhd2 wrote

Sometime people are just stupid...

0

MindfulPlanter t1_jd6198a wrote

This is how I got my bike stolen from who I thought was a good friend. Point should be to never assume anything without facts

−1

Health_Returns t1_jd6tv04 wrote

I hate when "live love laugh" posts appear so often here.

−1

Tokenside t1_jd7kt16 wrote

Why should I assume "the best"? I assume neutral plus common biases and/or everyday stupidity on top. My perception is NOT a reality. Reality is reality, it doesn't give a fuck about my perception.

−1

Alcoraiden OP t1_jd7z9hg wrote

You react to your perception. No one truly sees the world as it is, we all have our own biases and lenses.

3

Tokenside t1_jd90j3v wrote

yeah, and reality smacks me in return if my perception is wrong. so thank you, Captain Obvious.

−1

CoronaBlue t1_jd5smwd wrote

I don't care why people do things. In the traffic example, it makes no difference to me why they cut me off. All that matters is that they did.

−2

negativelightningdog t1_jd5zm5x wrote

I'm going to assume OP is younger and doesn't know any better. Of course giving the benefit of the doubt is good advice in some areas, but if someone tells me to send them $100 and they will send back $500 is just not realistic. You have to pick and choose where you should place your trust in others, and that comes with time and experience. Keep a positive outlook OP, but don't let people take advantage of your kindness.

−2

Alcoraiden OP t1_jd64b8w wrote

I am not, in fact, young. I just am naturally depressive and don't need to be cynical on top of it. I try to be the opposite.

People here keep making this about being fleeced. I mean just the little things in life. Like if someone snaps at you, they're probably having a bad day. If they cut you off in traffic, they're probably in a hurry.

If I didn't use my own tip, I'd be angry at everyone all the time.

5