Submitted by Cevoz t3_11tzq09 in LifeProTips
I'm sorry if the title is vague but my english may not be good enought. I have a few friends which is fine, but often it is I who reach out to them to do stuff like board games etc. They reach out not so often and usually don't even ask "How are you". I often feel very sad and i'm not sad only when i do something with them. How to handle this? I Tried therapy and medicine but it didin't work.
Develop more human connections. If current friends aren't covering it, find other activities/groups to expand your network. Reading also might help in the mean time.
Sadly i work as a train crew member and my shifts are 12h with diffrent hours, i don't want to quit because money is not bad for the country i live in. That shift times makes IT very hard to nawet someone new. These friends i have are from School
Meetup groups?
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people in trauma situations need close bonding, for this reason there are "trauma dogs" (not sure if this is the correct english translation). You are not in trauma but i guess you have one thing in common, you need oxytocin. An easy way to get it without human contact is to get a pet like a dog, cat, hamster oder else.
give it a try with an animal from an animal shelter, if it doesnt work, give it back.
a close contact to an animal works on a much deeper level then any therapy. i can tell since i have 3 cats, good luck
Religion seems to be dying out, but I still want to mention that maybe you can visit several churches as you get some time. Churches are very social organizations and have friendly people who enjoy newcomers. It is a really good way to meet people and they have quite a few social events to get together. Please don't write off trying them, as I know that they give a sense of belonging to anyone who goes. If one doesn't seem to help you feel less lonely, then certainly try another. People go to church for different reasons, and loneliness is one of them.
Please know that I'm not trying to promote religion here, I am just trying to provide you with some social support. It will help, I promise.
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I use meditation.
Make time to volunteer at a public service organization that you believe in -- at a food bank, animal rescue center, food delivery service for shut ins, etc. This will enable you to engage in emotionally rewarding service and meet people who are of the same "help out" attitude.
I have found that helping others, even for just a few hours a week will improve your mood, take you out of your own head (instead of thinking about being lonely, you are focused on others in need for those few hours) and connects you with others with similar mindsets who also volunteer.
Try to talk to 1 random person every day, just a casual conveesation. You might want to find similair interests and remember their name.
There are billions of people out there, you are one of them.
Do you like honey? You could become a bee keeper. I think everybody loves bee keepers
Do not try to climb your way out. Dig deeper. Admit this agonic desire of yours as the mental malaise that has always been.
Abandon them, and know that true happiness does rarely come from things which call us with such unhealthy thirst.
Indeed
That's a bit on the strong side and isolationism for many has its very definite drawbacks. As gregarious beings it's ok for many to feel a need for community.
If one of those friends feels close enough to express these feelings too, do so. Tell them that you enjoy their company and that you'd appreciate them calling you some time. Some people aren't inclined to call and that's just it.
You have to maybe also broaden your circle by finding other board game aficionados or by engaging in other group activities. I often felt as you did, while being the one who himself called to know what was up without really ever organizing anything. But I was always part of a bunch of group activities that led to other activities and being invited to parties and even Xmas. Lots of those people I don't see anymore and it's ok.
You have to realize that people are bustling a lot more than they were in their little villages 500 years ago. Find a place or thing you like and you will find more like minded people.
Your derangements are beyond my area of interest and I do rather let whoever falls for the trap of neurotypical mindframes end up suffering its obvious dangers on their own after rejecting my advice. Feel dismissed.
You don't absolutely need to commune regularly, but don't answer his query by you being the one to reject his needs. It's ok to be a loner just as it is to be community oriented. You know nothing about neurotypical mindframes if you are assuming that what that person needs is what works for you. Autism for one can make you diverge strongly and it's ok; just dont' assume the that path those divergences are taking are all the same.
To call this a need is to foment a mental disease. Thanks for devaluating your entire posting by showing open contradictions
Anytime. Thanks for pretend to be some type of robotic grim reaper to protect your insecurities from anything that you might have to show you care for and risk having your ego bruised.
It is affordable! And it is obvious I want to protect my soul from that For the pointless joy I might ever extract from this is never matching how filthy and weak I feel after rejection/efforts for such immature cause.
It's like presenting pigs with diamonds. Just for being clingy and needy, a hunger which never satiates
But if so you insightful you are, you can surely keep further on which my insecurities are. I am almost proud of them anyways. At least enough to feel lucky about not suffering your condition
By the way, thanks for the "grim reaper" compliment. Actually having a strong position of Pluto in my chart when born seems to show this feature as properly paying off. This is: I actually am sort of a grim reaper ^^
It's not that hard if you put some will on it.
The idea here is that you are only playing the losing side by trying to avoid rejection. I rode with that crowd for a while; dressing up in black to seem dark and dangerous. You can't hide in plain sight. You inevitably just meet like minded people who are dark or are stark and alone. Either way camping a joyous or bleak position is unrealistic; just go with the flow. Sometimes people will break your heart or disagree and sometimes they'll feed your endeavors and validate your ideas, it's a crazy world.
Meanwhile you say that you want to be alone while chatting through your computer, so you seek some type of validation even for your sensibilities about it being good to be a loner in order to isolate yourself from random outcomes. Our conversation hasn't exactly gone the way you expected it and you still bravely pursued the discussion. So why not face that challenge in person with people? Not all of them are out to judge you; we just disagree and do what's best for us sometimes. Without having you sacrifice anything major, I hope that you feel less isolated in time. We speak the same language, we have the same challenges as a species, you'd be surprised how few people get by on their own. Challenges everywhere, including the challenge of perspective and meeting others half-way. Take care.
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TheTrenk t1_jcloile wrote
Pick up hobbies that allow you to meet new people. In a different post you talked about having bad hours - you can always do activities with groups on days off or pick up a social game like an MMO or MOBA to play during the work week.
Bond with people at work - bring donuts every Monday or set up game nights or something.