chimp20 t1_iu8rima wrote
You have to slowly limit your time or exposure to this individual. Have plans already made or at least made-up plans if they ask to spend time with you. Over time they’ll get the hint.
OldestCrone t1_iu93rec wrote
Good suggestion. Keep your door closed and locked. Keep your keys and a jacket by the door, ready to grab. If the chronic complainer knocks, grab your stuff and say that you were just heading out—to see an instructor, to the library, to do some research— some place he won’t want to tag along. If he says he needs to talk, say you understand and recommend that he talk to the chaplain or other local religious leader. Send him to his counselor or dean or campus health; it doesn’t matter because you sympathize but you have nothing else to offer.
In actuality, this is a good opportunity for you to develop such techniques as there are always people who talk ad nauseum about their problems. They don’t care to whom they talk because they do not take any actions to resolve their problems. I don’t know if the talking makes them feel important or what, but once you become unavailable, they will find some other set of ears.
whi5keyjack t1_iu9l3w3 wrote
This would probably work, but you shouldn't have to run away from your own space because the other person might show up. I think it'll create a lot of anxiety about being in the dorm.
OldestCrone t1_iu9lz8c wrote
True, but once or twice should do it. He just has to physically be unavailable. The chronic complainer will not waste a lot of time finding a new set of ears.
fsociety091786 t1_iuadlw9 wrote
Yep this is the way to go. You don’t have to cut them off completely. I have a friend like this that used to rely on me constantly and stressed me the hell out, but nowadays we only hang out occasionally and it’s so much better. Glad to have him in my life but not to the extent it used to be. Just need to distance yourself from them and be less available.
mercurysnowman OP t1_iu8z5c6 wrote
yeah thats what I'm going to do
brewthecold t1_iu9h0qv wrote
Keep in mind, that not everybody is willing to take the hints and some people could just keep thinking that you are busy, but would still be excited to see them.
It's not like you shouldn't follow this advice, it's more like a warning, that sometimes you will see them reaching out to you longer, then one could expect.
silentflame911 t1_iual16b wrote
I think that it's important to be open and honest about what is going on if you care about the relationship.
I was the emotionally draining friend, and I didn't understand why my friend was avoiding me. I thought that she hated me, and it felt awful. We eventually talked about it and turns out she needed space to protect her own mental health. We were able to move forward from this and still be good friends after talking about it.
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