bigredplastictuba t1_iu9mmsz wrote on October 29, 2022 at 5:07 PM

Reply to comment by WickerBag in LPT Request: how to deal with an emotionally draining friend I have to see on a daily basis by mercurysnowman

Omgv though have you seen all the shares and memes going around that are like, shaming that approach? I constantly find myself in ops position, luckily pandemic allowed me to wean all these emotionally needy people out of my life, but they were constantly posting these cutesy things like "hi! Sometimes people just need to vent! DO NOT offer advice! It's not about you lol! Just shut up and listen - hair toss-" and I'm reading them sitting in my room shaking looking at my unread messenger notifications dreading people going "hi! So you have time to talk? Ok so bla bla AHEM PLEASE I DON'T NEED ADVICE I NEED A GOOD FRIEND TO LISTEN" sorry Jesus that shit was like TRAUMATIZING to me. I now deliberately only have like 1.5 friends. I wanted to tell them "hey if you just need someone to listen why don't you whisper your problems into a bottle and throw it into the ocean or something, this feels emotionally abusive to me"

WickerBag t1_iu9svbj wrote on October 29, 2022 at 5:51 PM

I agree and disagree. I think the main point is, is the person who needs to vent your friend or not?

My friends can vent, whine and use me as an unpaid therapist any day. They have earned that right. But I have a well-curated, very short list of friends who can rely on me as much as I can rely on them. They care about me. They listen to my problems. We support each other.

With acquainces or friends-of-friends, it depends on how much I like them, but I will usually indulge them, say, the first one or two times. But after that I establish boundaries.

With a person like OP described, though, I would be very short. I have no patience for emotional leeches.

AKAstumblelina t1_iua54tt wrote on October 29, 2022 at 7:18 PM

>why don’t you whisper your problems into a bottle and throw it into the ocean or something

howling!!! thank you, I needed that laugh!

bigredplastictuba t1_iuags1l wrote on October 29, 2022 at 8:41 PM

Honestly I'm surrounded by the "witchy" community here so I've found ways to frame healthy personal advice as "spells" like this and getting my old roommates to actually clean up after themselves and stuff. "Oh you are trying to get a new job? You should like... sweep away all your bad luck... by sweeping the floors, and then get some really hot water and put some uh... mint and basil... and orange... and... some soap in it... and magically wash the floors with it while you visualize your goals" or "i find being late on rent generates really powerful negative energy that luckily is really easy to dissipate!"