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Spinningwoman t1_itb6s7u wrote

Reply to comment by [deleted] in LPT: Look for friends, not for soulmates while (online) dating! by Captain_Kyra

What I think you are missing, though, is that this may be the best strategy for finding a serious partner too. If you go into each relationship feeling that it is wasting your time if it isn’t ‘the one’, you may actually be sabotaging the chance of ‘the one’ developing.

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[deleted] t1_itb777g wrote

I just don’t agree with this post. Telling people not to look for a life or serious partner on dating apps is a tad bit weird for me because a lot of people get with people with the intention of having a life partner.

Also not everyone starts off as friends either or WANTS to do so. I don’t fuck my friends. If we’re friends, we’re friends and I have no intentions of moving past that stage.

We can be in the let’s get to know each other stage. I’m cool with that.

But advising people to not actively search for someone serious is just a weird stance to try to pass off as advice.

Now what works for them is cool. I’m not judging and I’m glad they’ve found someone they love.

But I’d just never advise people to not search for a serious relationship or something serious overall if their goal IS to find something serious.

A lot of people are on apps or doing it face to face for that reason and searching for something serious was never the issue.

Like I said if some people personally don’t get on apps to do that then more power to them. But I wouldn’t give this as across the board advice. It’s not realistic.

People are on dating apps to find something serious aside from the people want friends or a hook up but 9 times outah 10 will make that known.

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Spinningwoman t1_itb7g2i wrote

It feels like you read the tl/dr but not the rest of the post. But maybe we just read it differently.

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Captain_Kyra OP t1_itb7wx4 wrote

I can understand where you’re coming from! I am a very serious type when it comes to dating. I won’t just keep romantically hang out with someone if I know it’s not going to be it for the long game. That would be unfair for the both of us.

But when you start dating someone, my advice would be to not try to find your soulmate at the first few dates. The new people you meet, the new things you might learn… it should never feel like utterly wasted time!

Even my lesser dates were interesting in some way. Sometimes it just gave me a good laugh afterwards, other times I found new placed in the town I lived in for over 10 years and some of them taught me new things or gave me refreshing insights, even when I would definitely not see them as long term romantic partners!

Hope this clears up my post a bit!

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