joyfall t1_iud4f54 wrote on October 30, 2022 at 12:49 PM

Reply to comment by PoliteFly in LPT: Try to keep problems with you and your significant other between the two of you. by Pale_Perception_4927

Same. "We talk out our issues and work on our problems together" sounded smart, but it really meant he could manipulate and coerce me in private. If I had shared with just one person what was going on then I would've had clarity that things weren't right.

Experiencing real gas lighting where you get to the point of not trusting your sense of reality anymore is traumatizing. The first step is isolating you from outside opinions.

PoliteFly t1_iudnrhc wrote on October 30, 2022 at 3:21 PM

Pretty much what I was trying to say. I was such a fool to to accept that logic. Looking back to it whenever we'd talk about an issue she'd always shift the blame on me. Now, 2 years later, I can hardly believe how much stupidity I ended up putting up with and how much I tried to justify and rationalise her poor behaviour

The isolation and gaslight can be very real and I'm sorry to hear that you went through something similar as well

joyfall t1_iue8j7q wrote on October 30, 2022 at 5:43 PM

Sorry you went through it too. It's hard to look back in hindsight with what you know now.

There's a therapist on youtube Dr. Ramani that I suggest looking up. She actually has a video out today about gas lighting and blame shifting. Understanding the psychology of it all and that you weren't alone in the experience has been the most helpful for me.

ptlimits t1_iuech0n wrote on October 30, 2022 at 6:08 PM

And sometimes the gaslighter even believes they're the ones being gaslit. It's gets super confusing and you really need outside opinion at that point. My ex would scream gaslight when I'm literally going off exactly what happened and they're just going off their clouded emotional memory. It's like I couldn't even disagree about what happened without them taking it as a huge personal insult and gaslight. I feel like I have every right to say "that's not how I saw it" and not be coerced into saying otherwise because they rage.