RioBlue93 t1_iue1mng wrote on October 30, 2022 at 4:57 PM

i think a lot of abusive people rely on this principle to keep their partner silent, compliant, and maybe even gaslit.

talking through relationship issues with close (trusted) friends can help you identify red flags decrease stress, gain perspective, etc.

this is why we go to talk therapy. Our brains benefit from talking through situations and it helps us work through our fight/flight response. Our romantic partner is too close to the situation to help us work through it and not everyone is comfortable/has access to therapy.

I think that this mindset of "staying silent" about your relationship is a very outdated view that does not benefit anyone and isn't even how we were originally designed as communal beings. Traditionally, we have elders in our communities so that we can ask for wisdom. Let's not be so painfully prideful when it comes to our homes.

stretcharach t1_iuenjpn wrote on October 30, 2022 at 7:21 PM

I think you're right. This LPT seems to lean towards the sentiment "I don't want a relationship with your friends, I want a relationship with you." But that doesn't exclude the motive "I don't want you to have a support system enabling you to leave me (my control)." Since the two aren't mutually exclusive.

It's always hard because you should want to trust in your partner, but that leaves a massive vulnerability to things like manipulation and other abuses if (they get you to) trust them enough to abandon your other support systems.

However, a partner not being willing to try talk therapy (where they do hold confidentiality to a higher degree) is a pretty straight-forward sign about what their real concern is between the two.