“Are you married?” - To my job! [say it like it’s a joke so they can’t tell if you’re serious]

“Do you want kids?” - I don’t know, what do you think is best? [this is actually a good one if you can turn it to ask for advice from them and then just let them talk]

“Do you have kids?” - Omgosh let me show you a picture of my senior rescue dog! My baby!

“Are you interested in a blind date?” - I’m so busy with work now sorry