I agree! It's like the opposite of when someone says they're disappointed in you. It's a remark that sticks with you!

Good advice OP! I wrote many of the things that make/have made me proud of my daughter in her last birthday (40th) card, including some examples and memorable moments. It was interesting watching her face as she read it. Smiles and tears. I sent her an email with a copy of the text and told her to read it when she's feeling discouraged about something. It was truly worthwhile. And a lifetime keepsake.

I disagree pretty massively. Being told “I’m proud of you” is very condescending, unless it has been clearly established that the person saying it is highly respected, knowledgeable towards the related achievement, etc… for example, your dad scenario fits. There’s an established hierarchy in society that kids want to make their parents proud (obviously this is a case by case basis; not all families are like this but you get my drift). Another good example would be a boss, or a mentor figure, telling their apprentice they’re proud of them. Or perhaps a sponsor telling a recovering addict they are proud of them. Or if you approached a friend for some specific advice (because the friend has experience in the matter), and their advice brings success after your efforts— makes sense for them to say, “I am proud of you.”

Those situations are pretty rare though. Most of the time— it comes off as condescending. It removes autonomy from the person’s efforts that probably had nothing to do with you or your opinion. I often find that people who frequently say “I’m proud of you” when it is not warranted are trying to take credit in some way or another for someone’s accomplishments. Or they are implying “hey! You did the thing I knew you should have done all along. Good on you for finally getting it!”

Some alternatives to “I am proud of you” when it doesn’t truly fit— “You are super impressive.” “Wow, that was really inspirational.” “You’re so talented.” “I’d like to be like that/do that thing, but I find it difficult. Can I have some tips?” Blah blah. You give them their autonomy; that’s important.

Edit: adding that when I said “you” (aside from the dad example), I didn’t mean OP specifically but just society in general. Clearly OP has positive experiences with their dad and gf; I am just adding caution and awareness to not say “I’m proud of you” so casually in every situation.

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